Want a second child but not during COVID

[Anonymous]

We want to have a second child. I’m old. Now is the time to do it. But I don’t want to be pregnant during COVID. Not only are there actual risks, but I know my anxiety would skyrocket. I already had trouble with anxiety during my first pregnancy. My 3 year old is in daycare. I think I’d need to pull her out if I were pregnant. But there’s also a risk with a nanny. I can’t just stay home like I would have been able to first a first pregnancy. I guess the only options are waiting or accepting the risk, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We want to have a second child. I’m old. Now is the time to do it. But I don’t want to be pregnant during COVID. Not only are there actual risks, but I know my anxiety would skyrocket. I already had trouble with anxiety during my first pregnancy. My 3 year old is in daycare. I think I’d need to pull her out if I were pregnant. But there’s also a risk with a nanny. I can’t just stay home like I would have been able to first a first pregnancy. I guess the only options are waiting or accepting the risk, right?

Right.

[Anonymous]

Right. personally I'm due any day and my OB told me she's had many patients with covid and all were fine.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on how old you are. Are you willing to wait for two years?

There is no guarantee that Covid will be over in a year or even two. We are dealing with probabilities. I think the probability that you, your pregnancy, your family, and a newborn will be healthy (even with your anxiety) during Covid is greater than the probability that Covid will be contained (reliable and accessible vaccines) within the next year.

Do you have space for a space for a live in nanny? If yes, hire one for both of your kids.

[Anonymous]

If you know you want a second, I think it behooves you to start sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

Not to hijack this post but I am in a similar position. I am 36 and DH is 38. I want to try for our second now but he is so hesitant. Thoughts? Advice? Commiseration?

[Anonymous]

Speaking as an anxious 40 year old who had two miscarriages (blighted ovum) during covid while trying for a second ... You should get started.

FWIW I had to go to the doc and the lab several times due to the miscarriages and I felt safe. You can find a practice with good covid hygiene. But it also sounds like you need a referral for anxiety or PPA.

[Anonymous]

There's never a perfect time

[Anonymous]

It all depends how old you are and what your financial situation is. If you are 39 or 40, there's no time to waste. You could have a miscarriage before conceiving which could also delay matters. If you're mid to late 30's, you could stand to wait 6 months or a year or two. Of course, the age difference between siblings is another factor to consider. I'd actually be more afraid of catching it from daycare than from regular ob/gyn checkups. I had one kid at 38 and one at 41, but I don't recommend waiting TOO long. OTOH, if COVID and other potential crises are the wave of the future, fewer kids might not be a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

I had a baby this summer and it was really nice. I got to enjoy the newborn snuggly phase so much. I do have a 3 year old and his dad took him to the playground and for walks/bike rides. Many of my visits were Tele health appointments. NBD. If finances aren’t an issue, it’s actually a nice time to be pregnant.

[Anonymous]

You should definitely not have a second baby at all. You will be yet one more mother posting here asking why your 4 yr old needs extensive therapy for anxiety. Yours rolled off the screen at me in waves. Just focus on the one you already have.

[Anonymous]

Currently pregnant with my second, and I hear you - I don’t love the timing, but in no way did I ever really consider waiting the very long time we might have to wait for this to clear. I’m not really old (just shy of 32), but I know that fertility is a crapshoot, and I wanted time to adapt/figure out a plan B if need be. I say this gently, but if you’re older, waiting will eventually make the decision for you.

[Anonymous]

A friend had COVID pregnant and while giving birth (thanks to getting it at the outdoor babyshower someone threw for her. She said it was the worst experience of her life. So while I believe the PP that women were fine that doesn't mean it was a great experience.

I had a baby in May and absolutely would not intentionally have a baby right now.

[Anonymous]

Op how old are you

[Anonymous]

To put it in perspective.... I was pregnant during the Zika scare. There’s always something for pregnant women.