Is it rude to tell a friend that a mutual friend was in an accident and it in the hospital?

[Anonymous]

Spin off from a different thread, because I don't think it is and want to know what other people think.

Here's the scenario: You have a friend and neighbor. She was taken to the hospital by ambulance last night because she slipped down the stairs and was unconscious for a while, she has a broken leg. Or she is sick with the flu and was admitted to the hospital for pneumonia. She's been in the hospital for a few days and hasn't been seen as she usually is, dropping off the kids at school or preschool. (You have been watching the kids in the morning for them and dropping them off and picking them up.)

Is it rude of you to let people you meet at school drop off (mutual friends) that the children's mom is in the hospital? This presumes that the friend and her husband haven't gotten on the phone or email to let everyone know what happened.

If it is rude for you to say anything, what about if someone asks. "I head Mary went to the hospital last night. Do you know what happened?" Should you just say "I'm just watching their kids for them. If they want you to know, I'm sure they'll tell you?"

In the community where I live, people share informaton of this nature al the time, and I would never consider it rude to let peope know what is going on in other people's lives. I see it as being caring and neighborly in fact. No, I'm not talking about being a busybody or spreading gossip for entertainment value or to judge people. What do other people think?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to move to a place with less judgmental people if you have to ask strangers if this is rude. Unless your intention is to gossip, of course not!

[Anonymous]

In my community, it appears to be the norm, but from the posts on the Facebook discussion, it is a rude thing to do. Posters are saying that the information is their own to share. I have never encountered this before; perhaps I have been being rude all my life without knowing it.

[Anonymous]

Apples and oranges. I don't think this is anything like the original FB post. People don't generally "announce" hospital stays or other type of sickness. However, many people "announce" the birth of their child, so preemptively announcing would be stepping into the parents' domain. Here, sharing information would be so people could provide support to the neighbor and her family.

For me, these are the guiding principles: Is your neighbor private --- as in, she wouldn't want anyone to know about the hospital stay Otherwise, without getting too much into your neighbor's medical history, I would respond to anyone who asked or who might go out of her/his way to provide some caring to the family where mom is in the hospital.

[Anonymous]

I understand your dilema. You don't want to give out a bunch of personal information, but want people to know in case they might need to be aware of the situation. I was recently ill and in the hospital. With all the commuting to the hospital and dealing with child care, my husband had 5 seconds to stop and tell one person. She only told one other person and we kind of assumed it would snow ball from there, but it didn't. I sent out an email to people when we were setteled at home, but for those whose information I didn't have didn't find out until way after the fact that I was seriously ill. They all felt bad, wish they had known, would have helped, etc. We were fortunate and didn't need extra help, but sometimes people just want to know so they can send a card or offer condolences.

[Anonymous]

I would ask my friend if she wanted me to let anybody know.
I can't understand why we should go out telling people about other's lives.

[Anonymous]

14:22 - I agree. It's just not what grownups do, seriously. Ask the injured what SHE wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Apples and oranges. I don't think this is anything like the original FB post. People don't generally "announce" hospital stays or other type of sickness. However, many people "announce" the birth of their child, so preemptively announcing would be stepping into the parents' domain. Here, sharing information would be so people could provide support to the neighbor and her family.

It's not like the initial hypothesis. But in the later discussion it has changed a bit. Say a woman -- I'm not talking about a stranger, but an acquaintance, say the mom of a child in your child's nursery school class -- is in the hospital with severe pneumonia. Her husband mentioned it to you as he was dropping off the kids. You did not get a chance to ask him if it was OK to tell anyone else. And you aren't going to call them at the hospital to see if it is ok.

Is it rude to mention the situation to your mutual friends? These are people who all have kids at the same school, all play at the same playground, etc. Me, I wouldn't have given it another though to let people know Margie was in the hospital. I can't believe anyone would think sharing that information is rude and inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Announcing it all of your 500 "friends" on Facebook is a bit different than telling someone who knows the injured personally. Also, some people are just more private than others and don't like to announce things such as this.

[Anonymous]

There's also a big difference between spilling all the details and merely saying "she had to be taken to the hospital for broken leg, but she's doing much better."

This is completely different from posting it to hundreds via FB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask my friend if she wanted me to let anybody know.
I can't understand why we should go out telling people about other's lives.

You would disturb a family in the hospital to ask if it was okay to tell people that family member was in the hospital?

[Anonymous]

I don't think it is rude at all. If it were really a friend of mine, I would want our mutual friends to tell me if something happened to her and I would feel like I should let them know as well.

Obviously, common sense applies... if she's in the hospital for a boob job, I'd keep it to myself. But in general, I think that it is totally normal and natural and expected to tell people so they can reach out or help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Apples and oranges. I don't think this is anything like the original FB post. People don't generally "announce" hospital stays or other type of sickness. However, many people "announce" the birth of their child, so preemptively announcing would be stepping into the parents' domain. Here, sharing information would be so people could provide support to the neighbor and her family.

It's not like the initial hypothesis. But in the later discussion it has changed a bit. Say a woman -- I'm not talking about a stranger, but an acquaintance, say the mom of a child in your child's nursery school class -- is in the hospital with severe pneumonia. Her husband mentioned it to you as he was dropping off the kids. You did not get a chance to ask him if it was OK to tell anyone else. And you aren't going to call them at the hospital to see if it is ok.

Is it rude to mention the situation to your mutual friends? These are people who all have kids at the same school, all play at the same playground, etc. Me, I wouldn't have given it another though to let people know Margie was in the hospital. I can't believe anyone would think sharing that information is rude and inappropriate.

This. If anything, I would find it off-putting that my sick friend was that secretive that she'd be bothered by me mentioning her illness to mutual friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Announcing it all of your 500 "friends" on Facebook is a bit different than telling someone who knows the injured personally. Also, some people are just more private than others and don't like to announce things such as this.

You know, I get that. I didn't at first, because the way I use Facebook is only to use it to communicate with my *actual* friends. I have about 45 Facebook friends, not the 500 to 1,000 that some people apparently have. About half my Facebook friends are family members or distant college friends I still keep in close touch with (and they don't know "Margie" and couldn't care less). The other half are people I see in my community on a daily or weekly basis.

So I guess that's one reason why I wouldn't consider it particularly rude to post a short note about "Margie" being in the hospital and thinking about her.