Having trouble with online dating

[Anonymous]

I joined Bumble a few weeks ago, and messaged six guys I matched with that lived within 5 miles of me. Matched with more men, but they lived farther away, so didn’t feel like messaging. Only one of the six responded, then after I responded, he didn’t. Should I assume I’m pretty ugly? Not sure what else to do. My messages aren’t flirty, which may be the problem? Is there a different app people have been successful with? In my late twenties.

[Anonymous]

We are in the midst of a pandemic.

Not a great time to interact with random strangers.

Everyone is limited on social options and it is getting colder outside.

Don't assume it is about you.

[Anonymous]

5 miles is not enough. Bumble attracts passive men who are terrible at conversing. You will have to talk to 100 men to get 20 first dates. If you’re lucky you’ll like 3 of them. Numbers game! Try Tinder; they will write you back.

[Anonymous]

I know plenty of people on dating apps right now. Please ignore the jerk reminding you that we're in a pandemic as if anyone could actually forget that. I agree with PP, try another app.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5 miles is not enough. Bumble attracts passive men who are terrible at conversing. You will have to talk to 100 men to get 20 first dates. If you’re lucky you’ll like 3 of them. Numbers game! Try Tinder; they will write you back.

Oh, wow! Maybe I should up the distance I am willing to go to date. Knew it was numbers game, but didn't realize it was normal to attempt with that many men. I always perceived Tinder as a hook up app, which I don't want to do do right now. I have my Bumble set fora dating preference of "socially distanced". I've also never heard of Bumble as being more passive, thought it was more professional, but not quite the level of Hinge/Coffee Meets Bagel.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to dating apps. It’s a lot of sifting the wheat from the chaff.

Like PP said, up your search distance. Expect most men won’t respond back. Don’t take it personally. Don’t act flirty or whatever if it’s not your style, you don’t want to attract a guy who is into your fake persona and not the real you.

I liked Hinge a lot better than Bumble. Higher quality people on it.

[Anonymous]

I was on Bumble first until this past spring - many men were not responding/boring/made no effort at having a little banter. Lots of married guys pretending to be single. Thought it was because it is free so it attracts passive, lame men. Signed up with match because I thought men would be more invested since there is a fee - nope. Many men choose photos that are downright scary and in no way entice me to reach out.

With that being said, I did have some fun dates from both apps. It is just misleading in that you seemingly have "access" to all these people and it turns out to be an illusion.
Also, don't give up on real life approaches, it still works!

[Anonymous]

Signed up with match because I thought men would be more invested since there is a fee - nope. Many men choose photos that are downright scary and in no way entice me to reach out.

Oh women can post some pretty unattractive photos as well. Making a face while taking a selfie is demanding that the guy look elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

OP I used a consultant to online date. She had a pretty strict algorithm and knew that for guys it's all about the initial window shopping experience. She made sure my pics were as A+ as possible. I'm no model but we got tons of messages. Fwiw I never reached out to guys directly but answered inquires I received. Yep, sexist and gross but it worked. Are you happy with your physical appearance and pics? Again you do to have to be some crazy hot girl. Clear, smiling, full body, a few cute dresses, all recent pics is what you need. Is your bio short and sweet? You don't need a ton of detail, just a hook.

[Anonymous]

*do not have to be some crazy hot girl.

[Anonymous]

Everyone I know that is online dating right now is having a not so great time of it. It is never easy nor fun really, but sounds like people are being downright weird right now. I think the pandemic and limited opportunities for socializing have a lot of people lonely and trying to date, but from what my friends are telling me, it sounds like more people just wanting some attention and ending up being flakey, or other people who are just really desperate. It seems like a really good time to give yourself permission to take a pass on dating for a little bit and do your own thing till things start trending back towards normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know that is online dating right now is having a not so great time of it. It is never easy nor fun really, but sounds like people are being downright weird right now. I think the pandemic and limited opportunities for socializing have a lot of people lonely and trying to date, but from what my friends are telling me, it sounds like more people just wanting some attention and ending up being flakey, or other people who are just really desperate. It seems like a really good time to give yourself permission to take a pass on dating for a little bit and do your own thing till things start trending back towards normal.

Nobody ever says they like online dating until they meet the person they end up in a relationship with. Then they talk about how it worked out. In the meantime, it's frogs.

[Anonymous]

Try Coffee Meets Bagel

[Anonymous]

Ask you friends to set you up - ask everyone! That's the best way to meet someone.

[Anonymous]

Online Dating is really hard right now, much worse than before. I am a little older but I have had 3 guys cancel at the last minute lately, all for dates they requested. I think the anxiety of the pandemic is making things much worse.