My DD is scared of ghosts--help

[Anonymous]

My DD, age 15, is scared of ghosts.
If there's a strange noise in the house, or leaves rustling against the window, she's crying. I don't know how to help her. She's seen ghosts on TV and is a deep believer in them.
Thanks for any help in dealing with this. Sheesh, with all that's going on; she's doing so well academically in Zoom school; making new friends in a pandemic, and being a sweet, helpful teenager (some of the time)--THIS is what is making her crumble.
And Happy Halloween, everyone.

[Anonymous]

Did she read or watch anything horror-related?

[Anonymous]

Tell her the dead can't hurt you, only the living.

[Anonymous]

Do you know what started this? A movie? Reading Stephen King books? Something that she experienced or was told?

[Anonymous]

Get her some sage smudge sticks and help her go around and cleanse your home of negative energy. It’s kind of weird but you aren’t going to just talk her out of this fear with reason, so why not find a way to ease her anxieties and show her you are taking her feelings seriously and that you’ve got her back unconditionally.

I think you can still make it clear you don’t really believe this yourself but that for people who believe in ghosts and spirits, this is said to help.

[Anonymous]

I'd ignore her when she does it. She's 15, not 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD, age 15, is scared of ghosts.
If there's a strange noise in the house, or leaves rustling against the window, she's crying. I don't know how to help her. She's seen ghosts on TV and is a deep believer in them.
Thanks for any help in dealing with this. Sheesh, with all that's going on; she's doing so well academically in Zoom school; making new friends in a pandemic, and being a sweet, helpful teenager (some of the time)--THIS is what is making her crumble.
And Happy Halloween, everyone.

This is anxiety related. Strategies that work for anxious thinking should help her work her way through this. She needs to recognize that her anxiety “alarm” is faulty around this particular trigger and challenge her thoughts. At 11, my daughter learned about carbon monoxide poisoning and went through a period where she was convinced we were all going to die in our sleep. We did a few sessions with a therapist on CBT strategies to teach her about anxiety and it helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD, age 15, is scared of ghosts.
If there's a strange noise in the house, or leaves rustling against the window, she's crying. I don't know how to help her. She's seen ghosts on TV and is a deep believer in them.
Thanks for any help in dealing with this. Sheesh, with all that's going on; she's doing so well academically in Zoom school; making new friends in a pandemic, and being a sweet, helpful teenager (some of the time)--THIS is what is making her crumble.
And Happy Halloween, everyone.

This is anxiety related. Strategies that work for anxious thinking should help her work her way through this. She needs to recognize that her anxiety “alarm” is faulty around this particular trigger and challenge her thoughts. At 11, my daughter learned about carbon monoxide poisoning and went through a period where she was convinced we were all going to die in our sleep. We did a few sessions with a therapist on CBT strategies to teach her about anxiety and it helped.

This.

Also, one thing that help my son (who has anxiety) with this when he was younger and had this was a thought experiment where I asked him to think about what the world would be like if ghosts were real. We talked about how most living people he knows are nice, so most ghosts would likely be nice. And if there were a way for any part of a person to remain after death, wouldn’t the strong, determine people who loved him in life and had died (grandparents and uncles) hang around to take care of him and his cousins after death, especially if there were any possibility that mean ghosts would bother him? He knew that mom would absolutely have hung around to play with him, so he really realized that if she didn’t become a ghost, nobody does. We also talked about the fact that things that really exist show up in the newspapers and in real documentary evidence (not just grainy, fake looking video on shows that make a profit from duping naive people). So there would be stories in legitimate media about ghosts and hauntings.

This kind of rational talking back to anxiety is really important, and incredibly powerful when kids learn to do on their own.

[Anonymous]

*my mom, his grandma, would have hung around...

[Anonymous]

You've gotten some good advice on treating this like anxiety - including the use of smudge sticks! I've got 2 kids with ADHD/anxiety and was well accustomed to working with them on anxiety and their intrusive thoughts. Yet, it was NT DD that was afraid of sleeping at night. She was fine all day but in the quiet of darkness, her fears took over and she was a mess. The primitive side of her brain, the fight-or-flight side, would overpower the rational side and run rampant. She needed to engage her rational side so it would remain in control rather than the side that got her adrenaline pumping. We had her recite the alphabet or start counting, simple exercises she could do with minimal thought but would engage her rational brain. If she lost her place or had intrusive thoughts, she had to start over. The first couple of days were a little hard for her but by day 3, she was sleeping again. Within a month or so, she was no longer afraid to walk around the house by herself after dark.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I like the PP's idea about talking through what the world would be like if ghosts were real. The news part is useful, though there if plenty of fake ghost buster news out there, so be careful about recommending she go looking for that kind of evidence.

Another approach is to focus on her personal experience. What is she afraid of specifically? If ghost are real, fine. What have they done to harm her so far? How have ghosts harmed her family members? Freinds? Freinds parents? Anyone at school? Anyone she knows at all? If they have always been around, and always are something to be afraid of, then whatever it is she is afraid of must have happened to someone she knows.... but it hasn't. So what specifically is she rationally afraid of?

[Anonymous]

What the hell is wrong with kids these days?

[Anonymous]

She's probably a natural medium. She needs to know how to shut them out/ask them to leave her alone. Sage and palo santo sticks for smudging. I'd also hang a dream catcher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's probably a natural medium. She needs to know how to shut them out/ask them to leave her alone. Sage and palo santo sticks for smudging. I'd also hang a dream catcher.

Black tourmaline and smoky quartz to ward off negative energies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What the hell is wrong with kids these days?

<old man shakes fist at cloud>