Couples who separate and get back together?

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen this happen twice and my family alone. Both couples went on to live happy lives together. What have you all seen?

[Anonymous]

Nobody in my family has split up/separated or divorced. None of my friends either. I am 50.

[Anonymous]

Are you looking to do this: separate and get back together?

[Anonymous]

Friend of mine and his wife did this. They met in college and are perfect for each other. She was a virgin and inexperienced in relationships. He was a bit of a player. But once he met her, he was head over heels in love with her.

But he kept cheating on the side, both while dating and once married. He was able to juggle both because she was naïve (and maybe terrified of divorce because he was her everything and she'd never experienced a breakup) and he never had feelings for these other women.

Until one day, he fell in love with one of his FWB. Once the wife found out, and she couldn't be in denial anymore, along with my friend thinking of leaving her for the AP, they separated.

The AP immediately ended things with him. My friend and his wife went to individual and couples counseling. My friend was dating others while this was going on and was ready to leave her, even though in his strange way, he still loved her very much.

But the wife got a backbone, which I think my friend really responded to. He had a break through in therapy about why he had this double life. He also realized that if he married his current girlfriend, he would end up in the same place in a few years.

He realized he wanted to be with his wife. She agreed to take him back. And they were very happy together the first few years after they got back together and I was still good friends with him. He kept it in his pants because now he knows she would leave him in a heartbeat.

That was almost 15years ago, and although I'm not super close to him anymore, it appears on FB that they are happy together. Not in a showing off about how much we LUUUUV each other. Just pictures of them living their lives.

But this story is rare. And I think it only worked because: they both worked at individual therapy and they truly are just two quirky people who are just perfect for each other.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is always a good idea if adultery is the problem. Separate your finances and get on with your separate lives. But sometimes it does lead people to re-marry. When that happens, both people need to go back-in holding no grudges. Happened to an in-law of mine. I have a lot of respect for her that she -now- never, ever mentions his previous adultery.

[Anonymous]

DH and I dated for 10 years before marriage, but 7 years into that dating, we took a 1.5-year break and dated others. But we got back together and told ourselves and the world that we had come back to our relationship older, wiser, and had solved our problems.

Well, that was bullshit, and after 12 years of marriage, we are now divorcing. I wish I'd had the strength to move on back then.

[Anonymous]

I've seen 2.

1 they continued with the divorce and are both happily remarried and coparent fairly well

the other got back together and had a couple more years of difficulty before really making the commitment to turn things around. Now they are happy together.

[Anonymous]

I've never seen this. I'm in my fifties too.

[Anonymous]

Worked for Will & Kate.

[Anonymous]

My childhood friend's parents divorced when she was about 8 and then remarried again when she was around 11. They stayed together after that.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend whose dad left the mom when the kids were in their teens and he remarried. About 15 years later he was diagnosed with cancer in his knee and his 2nd wife left him. So the 1st wife had him move into her house and she nursed him back to health and eventually they remarried.

[Anonymous]

I know one couple that separated nearly 30 years ago and got back together and are still together now. I think it had to do with the decision about children. They are childless. I think she initiated it and went to some religious retreat for six months to figure things out. They are among the happiest couples I know.

On a slightly different tack, a friend’s parents divorced, but moved to Florida and each bought half of the same duplex. They see each other everyday, have meals together, go to each other’s doctors appointments, but date other people. It seems to work for them.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I went through this. We meet rather young and fell madly in love. We dated for years but kept getting stuck on the same issues and communication problems. We really were compatible in many ways and very much in love so we decided to get married to try to push through the reoccurring issues. That’s didn’t go well and we broke up about 2 months before the wedding.

We didn’t talk for 2 years. During that time, I was in therapy and he did a lot of growing up and evaluating what he wanted out of life. We saw each other randomly on a metro platform. The deep love and attraction was there in a flash and we decided to start taking things slow. I insisted that he go into therapy (him using me as a therapist was one of our issues) and after 6 months or so we decided to go into couples therapy. That worked really well and we got married a year or so after we started therapy. We worked with our therapist for few more years until we all felt that we were ready to stop.

We’ve been married for 12 years now and have two awesome kids. We are still madly in love and doing great together. We think all the hard work we did back then was worth it. I’m not sure we would have survived the past 7 months without it!

[Anonymous]

My aunt and uncle did this. Got pregnant in high school so *way* too young for marriage or parenthood. Divorced a few years later. Not remarried and then both divorced again. Got to chatting more as they passed their (one) kid from one to the other for custody/ visitation and realized they still really liked each other now that they had matured a lot. Remarried and have been remarried now for probably 30+ years.

[Anonymous]

Not while married, but my parents broke up for three months while dating. They have been married for 40 years now. One of the few situations I’ve heard a couple getting back together and not eventually regretting it.