How to set expectations for doctor's visits

[Anonymous]

First time mom so please be kind. DC is 5 and this is the first time experiencing difficulty at the doctor. DC up until now has sat in my lap and never an issue. Well today DC, hid behind the table before shots, screamed, whined answers and played around during the hearing screening. I did my best to empathize and redirect, but I was so embarrassed, and well angry, and felt like a terrible mom.

I know going to the doctor is stressful for kids, but I don't want my child to behave like a hooligan either. Suggestions please.

[Anonymous]

Just got back from the pediatrician with my 15 yr old. There were kids in the waiting room like this and it made me smile. Your DS won't always act like that. Trust me. They are old enough to remember shots so that makes them nervous and apt to act differently. Plus your attention is divided and they know it. Just praise whatever you can and let the rest go. Now if your child is always acting this way, that's different. This too shall pass.

[Anonymous]

Just know that they have seen much worse. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to vote for bribery/reward for good behavior next time.

[Anonymous]

Did you prepare DC for the appt? One week out casually mention: “Next week you have a doctor’s appt, a spelling test and a birthday party. Busy week!” Day before: “Tomorrow is your doctor’s appt where they will measure how much you’ve grown and check to make sure you’re healthy.” Day of: “Now we’re heading to your appt and we might have to wait in the waiting room for awhile and you’ll have to be patient and still. Then the doctor will see you and you need to cooperate....” Answer questions along the way honestly (ie “will I get shots?”) and calmly—nonchalantly even—set expectations.

Sometimes it gets exhausting because my kids can latch on to new info and bring it up constantly, asking me to repeat details I’ve already said and other times they just shrug it off but we virtually never have behavior issues if I prep them like this. (When I forget to prep or don’t realize an activity will be anxiety-inducing to a 7 or 3 year old so fail to mention it we get shenanigans.)

[Anonymous]

I found that with my DD, telling her the behavior I expected helped. And I don't just mean "I expect you to behave." Because that's too vague. But more like "When we go in you can play with the toys in the waiting room or read some of their books or magazines, quietly. Then in the exam room, you sit either in my lap or on the exam table, and answer the doctor in a normal voice. If something hurts, you can squeeze my hand or cry it out or both - whatever helps the pain leave your body. Then when it's all finished you can pick a sticker from the basket."

I also sandwiched hard things between fun things.

Let's go to the park a block from the doctor's office before your appointment. Wow, you did great at the doctor - want to beep the horn?

[jsmith123]

Anonymous wrote:Did you prepare DC for the appt? One week out casually mention: “Next week you have a doctor’s appt, a spelling test and a birthday party. Busy week!” Day before: “Tomorrow is your doctor’s appt where they will measure how much you’ve grown and check to make sure you’re healthy.” Day of: “Now we’re heading to your appt and we might have to wait in the waiting room for awhile and you’ll have to be patient and still. Then the doctor will see you and you need to cooperate....” Answer questions along the way honestly (ie “will I get shots?”) and calmly—nonchalantly even—set expectations.

Sometimes it gets exhausting because my kids can latch on to new info and bring it up constantly, asking me to repeat details I’ve already said and other times they just shrug it off but we virtually never have behavior issues if I prep them like this. (When I forget to prep or don’t realize an activity will be anxiety-inducing to a 7 or 3 year old so fail to mention it we get shenanigans.)

These are great suggestions. We tried to do something similar for my 3 year old who had a broken arm earlier this year. For every appointment, I'd cover exactly what was going to happen. He was anxious anyway, but I do think it helped prepare him for what was going to happen.

[Anonymous]

I don't care if mine screams at shots. It hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First time mom so please be kind. DC is 5 and this is the first time experiencing difficulty at the doctor. DC up until now has sat in my lap and never an issue. Well today DC, hid behind the table before shots, screamed, whined answers and played around during the hearing screening. I did my best to empathize and redirect, but I was so embarrassed, and well angry, and felt like a terrible mom.

I know going to the doctor is stressful for kids, but I don't want my child to behave like a hooligan either. Suggestions please.

I think explaining expectations ahead of time is probably the key. But it's hard because they change so much from year to year that you don't necessarily know what behaviors you need to warn against! My main thing when going for shots is to explain on the way that, yes it will hurt and you are allowed to cry, but you are not allowed to wail/scream. The crying vs wailing distinction has usually (but not always) been helpful for my kids. Role playing a good visit may also be helpful.

Honestly, I wouldn't stress about it too much. Next checkup is likely a year from now, right? So alot will have changed. And if you are taking him/her in to the doctor because of illness, you probably won't get hoolingan behavior because they will feel too crummy to bother. If there's any part of it that seems likely to be repeated in other situations in the meantime, maybe do some role playing to rehearse good manners, but by the time you go to the next check-up, this will probably be a non-issue.

My oldest went completely psycho at the dentist when he was 4.5; it was like he was possessed, and I had no idea it was coming because he had been totally fine the year before. I still have not forgiven that dentist for giving him a treat afterwards. I talked to him very sternly on the way home about how inappropriate his behavior had been and we skipped the Starbucks visit we had planned for afterwards, so there were consequences, but all subsequent dentist visits have been totally fine and I doubt it had much to do with anything I did differently. I think it was mainly that a year had passed.