Friends daughter has a speech delay and my kids ask questions to the mom

[Anonymous]

My good friends daughter is about to turn 3. The child has a pretty significant speech delay, but my friend hasn’t sought out early intervention and knows “she’ll speak eventually”. The child just started stringing words together into sentences and most of it is unintelligible. Most of them when we visit (monthly or so) she is silent the whole time.

I don’t talk to my friend about this and she doesn’t ask my advice.

My question is about my OWN kids, who are 3 and 5. We visit every so often, but my kids aren’t sure how to communicate with her. I am a huge advocate for diversity, communicating with different kids, etc. When we visit, I encourage them to play with the child and talk and play, but they’ll say (as kids do) “but she doesn’t talk!” I guide them to her mom, or give examples on how she communicates, and remind them that she does understand and to include her.

It’s awkward. Help.

[Anonymous]

At that age, children are usually fine playing with children who do not speak the same language or do not speak at all. Your kids can play with her, they don't need to have conversations with her. They can figure this out.

The pandemic has caused a lot of children to regress socially. It's normal. Just give your children as many opportunities to socialize as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My good friends daughter is about to turn 3. The child has a pretty significant speech delay, but my friend hasn’t sought out early intervention and knows “she’ll speak eventually”. The child just started stringing words together into sentences and most of it is unintelligible. Most of them when we visit (monthly or so) she is silent the whole time.

I don’t talk to my friend about this and she doesn’t ask my advice.

My question is about my OWN kids, who are 3 and 5. We visit every so often, but my kids aren’t sure how to communicate with her. I am a huge advocate for diversity, communicating with different kids, etc. When we visit, I encourage them to play with the child and talk and play, but they’ll say (as kids do) “but she doesn’t talk!” I guide them to her mom, or give examples on how she communicates, and remind them that she does understand and to include her.

It’s awkward. Help.

Most of your first paragraph wouldn’t matter if you could help your kids be sensitive to the fact that not all kids communicate the same way. I have a friend with a child with selective mutism, and although he can talk, he doesn’t. One of my very good friends in early childhood was hearing imparted. We got along just fine.

Find things they can do without talking. They can “talk and play” but friends child may not be able to, so they can try other things, or find activities where there’s not so much talk. Give examples of things they can do, like charades, card games, drawing, sliding down a slide, etc.

Encourage your kids to find ways to talk, like charades or drawing, or pointing at pictures. You understood your kids long before they had words.. how did you do it?

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised your kids that age are noticing and verbalizing that. My son had a really significant speech delay, but in the preschool age range it just wasn't a problem when playing with other kids. Try doing something physical - bikes/trikes, playground, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My good friends daughter is about to turn 3. The child has a pretty significant speech delay, but my friend hasn’t sought out early intervention and knows “she’ll speak eventually”. The child just started stringing words together into sentences and most of it is unintelligible. Most of them when we visit (monthly or so) she is silent the whole time.

I don’t talk to my friend about this and she doesn’t ask my advice.

My question is about my OWN kids, who are 3 and 5. We visit every so often, but my kids aren’t sure how to communicate with her. I am a huge advocate for diversity, communicating with different kids, etc. When we visit, I encourage them to play with the child and talk and play, but they’ll say (as kids do) “but she doesn’t talk!” I guide them to her mom, or give examples on how she communicates, and remind them that she does understand and to include her.

It’s awkward. Help.

Most of your first paragraph wouldn’t matter if you could help your kids be sensitive to the fact that not all kids communicate the same way. I have a friend with a child with selective mutism, and although he can talk, he doesn’t. One of my very good friends in early childhood was hearing imparted. We got along just fine.

Find things they can do without talking. They can “talk and play” but friends child may not be able to, so they can try other things, or find activities where there’s not so much talk. Give examples of things they can do, like charades, card games, drawing, sliding down a slide, etc.

Encourage your kids to find ways to talk, like charades or drawing, or pointing at pictures. You understood your kids long before they had words.. how did you do it?

OP here and I mentioned that this is really important to me. We have friends who have a child with DS, and a neighbor with CP. They're still kids, though, and can't help saying "But she isn't talking", especially my own 3 year old.

[Anonymous]

My kid did not really talk till around 3 year old, and he was unintelligent. I was his translator. He did not have any problem playing with kids around his age or older even though he could not talk. He understood what other kid said, and they played happily chased after each other on the playground or parallel play with each other on toys.

Older kids thought he was too young to talk or he did not speak English, and same age kids did not mind at all that he did not talk. My friend kids did not talk much around that age because they were bilingual or trilingual families, so no one was concerned of anything over kids not talking. My kid had problem talking back then, and I told him that every one in the world is unique in their own ways. Now my kid talks nonstop, like a chatterbox. If I were you, I will redirect my kids to play or do 1-2 activities altogether as a group under adult guidance without much kid talking involved on every visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised your kids that age are noticing and verbalizing that. My son had a really significant speech delay, but in the preschool age range it just wasn't a problem when playing with other kids. Try doing something physical - bikes/trikes, playground, etc.

Maybe because my boys never ever stop talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised your kids that age are noticing and verbalizing that. My son had a really significant speech delay, but in the preschool age range it just wasn't a problem when playing with other kids. Try doing something physical - bikes/trikes, playground, etc.

My daughter is 3.5 and has a friend with a significant speech delay. She has noticed it for a year or more. She never asked me about it until this summer, but she used to change her own speech pattern when we were hanging out with her friend, to make her vocalizations sound more like her friend's. At 3.5, she asked why her friend doesn't talk and said it "hurts her feelings" (which isn't exactly what she means -- I'm guessing she means she feels awkward). Anyway, I don't think it's strange that OP's kids notice.

[Anonymous]

XXX is doing the best she can.

You don't know if the parents are doing anything or not. I'd not talk about it or tell people everything is fine as its none of your business especially when you post online about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised your kids that age are noticing and verbalizing that. My son had a really significant speech delay, but in the preschool age range it just wasn't a problem when playing with other kids. Try doing something physical - bikes/trikes, playground, etc.

My daughter is 3.5 and has a friend with a significant speech delay. She has noticed it for a year or more. She never asked me about it until this summer, but she used to change her own speech pattern when we were hanging out with her friend, to make her vocalizations sound more like her friend's. At 3.5, she asked why her friend doesn't talk and said it "hurts her feelings" (which isn't exactly what she means -- I'm guessing she means she feels awkward). Anyway, I don't think it's strange that OP's kids notice.

Thank you for this comment! The kids are certainly physical...I’m not asking them to sit down and play a board game?
The child is generally silent while we are there. It’s not like she’s talking but they don’t understand. She is silent. So I think they have a hard time navigating that. They are kids, ya know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:XXX is doing the best she can.

You don't know if the parents are doing anything or not. I'd not talk about it or tell people everything is fine as its none of your business especially when you post online about it.

It’s anonymous? And we aren’t even in DC.

She isn’t addressing the speech delay and has been fairly outspoken about why. So, I do know they’re not addressing it.

[Anonymous]

My son also has a significant speech delay. Honestly, OP, you’re already doing what my dear friends have done- just keep offering to have their kids socialize with my kid. Kids say things to my son like that too. I hear it, it makes me sad, but I also totally understand. I’m very grateful the children still come over to play- even if the interaction time is 1/3 of the total play date. So all that to say, you’re doing great!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised your kids that age are noticing and verbalizing that. My son had a really significant speech delay, but in the preschool age range it just wasn't a problem when playing with other kids. Try doing something physical - bikes/trikes, playground, etc.

My 3yo doesn’t verbalize it, but she certainly notices. She has one set of cousins who are on the spectrum and are a couple years older but don’t really communicate. She has another set who communicate normally. She greatly prefers spending time with the second set (though I try to make it as even as possible)

[Anonymous]

I have a 5 1/2-year-old boy with a significant speech delay. At three, it was absolutely a non-issue. He had no issues making friends or playing. Maybe it’s because he’s a boy and boys play more physically than girls. Girls tend to construct more elaborate play schemes, and my kid cannot keep up with that. To this day he still vastly prefers playing with boys and engaging in physical play, like playground play. It’s only now that I see him having some trouble with friendships, and he gravitates towards younger children. Anyway, I do think it’s kind of weird that your kids are noticing and minding this at such a young age, especially the three-year-old. That’s kind of weird. Most three-year-olds are just happy to check out somebody else’s toys.

[Anonymous]

I truly don’t understand how this is “awkward” for you. Seems like concern trolling to me. Just tell your kids that your friend’s kid is still learning to talk - just like how they are. And you could also point out things that this other child CAN do.