Things to do to prevent miscarriage/hard time accepting it

[Anonymous]

I know that 95% of miscarriages are chromosomal issues and out of my control, but I just feel such a great need to try to control this whole thing.

I'm 30 and just went through my first miscarriage. I was, honestly, very surprised and maybe I shouldn't be, but I thought "Hey, I'm 30, I have a healthy child already, we're healthy people, of course everything will be fine." Miscarried at 8 wks, baby stopped growing at 7 wks.

I drink wine lightly, but that's it. Don't smoke, don't do drugs, am maybe 10 lbs overweight. Took my prenatals. Why is this so hard?!

I'm terrified of trying again. What if I have another miscarriage?! What happens then? Will I become a crazy person obsessed w/ getting pregnant? Will I just give up and then mourn the baby I never got to have, years down the line?

Thanks for any advice.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry for your loss. You are raw now but you will be better. I had a miscarriage years back and went on to have two uncomplicated pregnancies. As to how you act in the future..can't tell you but you are young so it's not like the clock running out. I would suggest you allow yourself to fully grieve and know that you are also dealing with major hormonal changes. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

I know how you are feeling. I've become the crazy obsessed with getting pregnant person that you fear. My first pregnancy happened without too much thought. Now I have a healthy two year old but a couple of months ago had a miscarriage. I'm 40 so that is not that unusual - but since 1/3 of pregnancies result in miscarriage having a miscarriage at any age is not that uncommon. Chances are you won't have another miscarriage. The one thing that I would do to increase your chances of having a healthy pregnancy is to check out the March of Dimes web page. They have some really good information on what you can do before and during your pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP. I've had multiple m/c and none of the 3 RE's I've consulted know why. The loss of control is so, so hard. I'm like you -- healthy, don't smoke, hardly drink, pretty young. I don't think I can say anything to make you feel better. But, maybe it will be of some comfort that I'm still standing and I'm still trying, like many others on this board. It will suck to get through this, but you will.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you so much for your kind words. Really helpful to feel the support.

[Anonymous]

I'm still mourning the loss of my first pregnancy, which ended in a D&C 7 weeks ago. I'm having my period now and am feeling the gamut of emotions! It's a really tough time, but I'm more eager than ever to have a healthy baby now. I would love to hear some of the things you ladies did (changes in diet, etc.) to have a healthy pregnancy after miscarrying. My husband and I want to try again right away.

[Anonymous]

I've had a miscarriage, a healthy pregnancy, and secondary infertility.

I think all you can do is try your best to accept your body and what it has done and is going to do, forgive your body (and yourself) for what is has done or won't do, and be open to what will come. Sounds new-agey, but the fact is that we generally can't control these things. It is much easier to live in a state of openness/acceptance than to be knotted up from feelings of lack of control.

[Anonymous]

OP -- I'm having the exact same experience at the moment. I just found out this morning that the fetus stopped growing at 7 weeks (I should be 8.5) and they couldn't find a heartbeat. I'm scheduled for a D&C early next week. I'm a little older than you, but otherwise the same. Had my first child with no problems and never thought I'd have problems.

I think you just have to keep telling yourself what you said in your post -- 95% of miscarriages are because something was wrong with the fetus and NOTHING YOU DID caused it (at least that's what I'm telling myself right now). You are young and chances are really good that your next pregnancy will be fine.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was in your shoes last July. I have a healthy 3yo DD, no problems, no m/c prior. It took us 9 mo to conceive once we started trying, and then I lost the baby at 10 weeks. I would have been due on Feb 4.

Six months later, I can tell you that I don't feel as raw as I once did. It has been a rough fall/winter as I have learned about 11 pregnancies among family, friends and acquaintances - all due this spring. We've been trying again ever since and nothing has happened. I vascillate between not caring and wanting to POAS every day during my 2 ww. I will say I am definitely becoming more laid back about it - mostly because the more I try to control something that I cannot, the more stressed I become. So, I'm really trying now to focus on my DD and making the most of our family time together.

I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there. It is hard. Just know that there are better days ahead. I'll say a prayer for you tonight.

[Anonymous]

20:10 - you are me. 1 2.5yo dd which was quick, easy, and uncomplicated. Took us 8 months of trying with pg #2, which ended at 8 weeks. Trying again, and got pg right away, then found out this morning, the baby's gone again, this time at 6 wks.

Although I am on the younger side, I still feel the clock ticking because I want a sibling for dd so badly, and I worry about the age gap. Such a small thing in the overall scheme of things, but I was wondering if you feel like that too.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. Thank you for the advice, support and prayers.

Things have been better this week (well, until I just started crying last night out of nowhere). So sorry for everyone's losses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20:10 - you are me. 1 2.5yo dd which was quick, easy, and uncomplicated. Took us 8 months of trying with pg #2, which ended at 8 weeks. Trying again, and got pg right away, then found out this morning, the baby's gone again, this time at 6 wks.

Although I am on the younger side, I still feel the clock ticking because I want a sibling for dd so badly, and I worry about the age gap. Such a small thing in the overall scheme of things, but I was wondering if you feel like that too.

So sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

When I miscarried my first pregnancy, at 32, it helped me to realize that close to 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage (some so early the woman didn't know she was pregnant). Since then I have found that if you talk to women with at least two children, the vast majority also had one or two miscarriages. I still felt sad, but much less discouraged knowing that.