Is 44 years old, just too damned old for Hail Mary attempt? (TW secondary)

[Anonymous]

It took 4 years of IVF to conceive my first. When she was 2, we started trying for a second. After the last egg retrieval, we agreed to stop once those blasts were gone—I was tired of the hormones, the heartbreak and the endless appointments associated with ivf. It didn’t work, so no second baby. I’ve spent the past 2 years trying to feel at peace with the result. There are great things about being a family of 3, but I would really love a second.

We are a same sex couple, so we had to buy sperm and I just got a notification that we need to pay to continue to store the last vial of sperm or it will be discarded. I never got pregnant via IUI, but there’s part of me that wants to try with the final vial of sperm. I’m 44. I know it probably won’t work and I’m just setting myself up for heartbreak. Is it crazy to try?

Ps. Good luck to all of those trying for #1. I feel for you.

[Anonymous]

I’m going on 43 and still trying for #2. I have one embryo left. Age won’t stop me. I say go for it, but keep it mind that it’s hard to get off the train once you’re on it with a goal... you may end up wanting to do more if IUI fails. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, but I think you need to let it go. Is your partner younger than you?

[Anonymous]

It would just be a waste of money to try IUI, and you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak. I am sorry it was a tough road for you.

[Anonymous]

I’d probably try. Just for peace of mind no matter the result. It is a personal decision. Good Luck.

[Anonymous]

it's not crazy to try, but it's highly unlikely to work. sorry....

i tried also to make peace with have an only, and i couldn't either, so we went the DE option. i had my second at 44.

[Anonymous]

You won’t know if you don’t try.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't bother with IUI but I would probably give IVF one last go.

[Anonymous]

Just have realistic expectations.

[Anonymous]

I’m 41.5 and about to do I swear my last ER for a second child. My oldest was a fresh transfer on my first cycle attempt. She just turned 4. I’ve had FIVE ET’s over the last 3 years and all chemicals.
So changing clinics/protocols for one last try. Good luck OP - i totally know how you feel.
I keep telling myself I’ll be ok with it all when i’ve tried everything.

[Anonymous]

OP - if you have money you could get an egg donor.

[Anonymous]

Another same sex mom here. I say go for it. You don't have a lot to lose. If I had vials left, I might try for #3.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible? Yes. Will it work? Maybe.
Maybe not.

Whether you have success or not, you might, eventually, find some peace in knowing you exhausted your ability to try. For you and your spouse, that might mean that you try with that last vial and then whether or not you wind up with a baby, you decide to close that chapter, knowing you tried. As you know, your greatest chance at success will be IVF with donor egg, followed by IVF with your own eggs, followed by IUI.

Good luck with your decision. I have two embryos in storage and while we feel 99% complete with one child I can’t bring myself to stop paying they fee each year. It’s hard.

[Anonymous]

I always thought lesbian couples were sort of lucky bc If one woman had fertility issues than they could just have the other partner carry the baby. Is that not an option op?

[Anonymous]

Only go for it if you are okay with the age-associated risks. I know someone who had a child with severe issues that were diagnosed a few days after birth. It’s been a rough road for them.