Which spacing would be better (intense medical career)?

[Anonymous]

I'm in my early 30s in medical school with a baby. Unfortunately due to my age, I can't wait until I am an attending to complete my family. My husband has a flexible gov't job so he is the point person for pick up/drop offs and sick days. We have two options. The first is to have kids closely spaced together for 18-24 month age gap (squeeze another one in before I start residency) or wait until I'm near the end of my training to have the second for a 4-5+ gap. I can see the pros and cons of both. By having them closer in age, it may make it easier for my husband since both babies would be at the same daycare and life stage but it also sounds hard to have 2 kids to get ready for bed when I work nights. A 4-5 age gap seems easier to manage in some ways but perhaps more difficult in having to deal with two life stages and different schools for pick ups/ drop offs. We are willing to pay for any extra help that may be needed to get us through. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

My thoughts are if you want a second kid, and you can do it ( finances, ciildcare) try now, you never know how long it will take to get to where you want to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My thoughts are if you want a second kid, and you can do it ( finances, ciildcare) try now, you never know how long it will take to get to where you want to be.

This. Planning these major life sequences just doesn’t work. This was the year I was supposed to go back to work for example. Having kid number 2 took three years. Live your life now.

[Anonymous]

What sub specialties are you interested in? How long will your training be?

I met DH when he was in med school. He studied really hard for his boards, did research, away rotations and was just super busy. I can’t imagine doing this with one baby let alone 2.

How was your pregnancy? Are you one of those woman who feels great?

I know I was nauseous for 9 months.

Based on age, I would go for the baby now but your medical career may suffer unless you are planning to go to a non competitive specialty.

DH is ortho and I gave birth to our first child when DH was at the end of residency and we had another when he was in fellowship. He is the dad though. We know of one female ortho surgeon who gave birth to 3 kids during residency (twins and one more). I don’t know her personally but I’m pretty sure her husband stayed home. Lots of female doctors give birth at the end of their training.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have a ton to say on this. I had two back to back during a psychiatry residency. DH was in an anesthesia residency. It worked out more or less. I like having them close together.

That being said, med school seems like about the worst time to have a baby. Would you just not take any time off? Take a whole year off? I would think you would be at a serious disadvantage in the match if you were to graduate late.

[Anonymous]

If you are in your early 30s, you can’t count on another baby in five years. So don’t pick that route if having two kids is important to you. It might work out but it also might not.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I had an easy pregnancy. In terms of having a baby in Med school, it wasn’t too bad because medical education has changed a lot and my school is pretty family friendly with increased time for research, which I used for maternity leave. It’s probably one of the better times now to have a family. It hasn’t impacted me negatively; however, I don’t want to go into anything competitive (but I still don’t think it would have been a problem).

[Anonymous]

I agree with all the posters saying not to wait 4-5 years if having 2 kids is important to you. One easy pregnancy does not guarantee a second one, especially 4-5 years later.

One of my BFFs had 3 kids with ~18mos spacing each while doing her GI fellowship and then starting in a private practice...so anything is doable if need be. My parents are both MDs, and I can tell you that I don't think life necessarily gets easier once you complete residency/fellowship, though I suppose that depends a little on what kind of job you want.

In terms of spacing, I don't think 18-24 mos is that bad (mine are 2.5 years, so just a bit more). It depends on the individual kid, but mine were both pretty good sleepers by 18mos. <18mos spacing is when I think it's super challenging.

[Anonymous]

Start trying now. Could take years to have the baby.

Plan to bottle feed and have dad do most of the work. Your kid will be fine.

[Anonymous]

The alternative scenario here. I planned to have kids four years apart and ended up with them being five years apart. This spacing allowed me to breastfeed both for a year, enjoy the baby years of each and even remember them, finish my dissertation and have the older one to attend the commencement ceremony Knowing myself, I would be overwhelmed by two little ones at the same time and would feel guilty for not spending enough time with them. Not saying you would, though.

[Anonymous]

I have twins and I think it's easier to have them closer in age, although all my friends with multiple kids spaced out always marvel at how we survived. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

No clue about med school. As for babies, though, I think having them closer together will be harder in the early years and easier during the school years.