Kids Fight Constantly
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I have a 6 year old DS and 4 year old DD. For the past two years, they have fought constantly whenever they are together. Fortunately, DD is in daycare that remained open, so this is mostly an issue on nights and weekends. They are either making a massive mess that is destroying our house (ie, taking all the sheets out of everyone's rooms, every towel out of the linen closet, clothes out of dressers) or fighting. It turns physical with the very quickly. DH and I are at the end of our wits and it usually results in one of us yelling and then separating them. For example, this was today. DS got picked up from daycare. Arrived home. Within two minutes her and DS were fighting and throwing golf balls at each other. They were separated and put on time out. DH and I took them to their separate activities. DD and I got home first and she wash quietly playing in her room. I was doing work in the yard and DH and DS arrived home DH came into the backyard to speak to me and DS went into the house. Within 1 minute DD comes into the backyard crying hysterically saying that DS slapped her. We go inside and separate, within five minutes they are both running around the house making messes with snack bars. Lather, rinse, repeat, this is my life every evening and weekend. I don't know what to do to make the situation better but I feel like ages four and six are too old for this constant fighting and making mass nonsense. |
Anonymous
| Apologies for any typos but I was using text to talk. |
Anonymous
|
You need a parenting class, stat. Your kids are out of control - with each other, with you, with your home. Y'all need some order.
What consequences are meted out for infractions? For making messes? For slapping each other? |
Anonymous
| OP here. We put them on time out. |
Anonymous
| My kids were like this when they were both in school. Within a month of being home for covid, they stopped fighting more than twice a week. Now months later I only have to tell when they are crazy play wrestling. (7yo girl, 5 yo boy.) It could just be luck but the combination of them being their only play mates and me basically telling them if there’s any fighting they’ll spend the rest of the afternoon in their rooms and following through has done wonders. I’m okay being the common enemy because now they don’t fight. |
Anonymous
I don’t want to pile on, but your kids do not care about time outs. You need natural consequences that relate to what they did. |
Anonymous
| You need to supervise much more |
Anonymous
| My kids are like this, too. Some kids just fight a lot. I have one that likes to tease, and one that is very reactive and easily irritated. So you can guess what the dynamic is. I usually send them to their rooms for fighting (though mine are a bit older, 6 and 8). It doesn’t prevent future fights, but it does give me peace in the moment. You could also try having them work together to earn a reward of some sort for good behavior. |
Anonymous
| Same here. A nine year old and 7 year old twins. Constant fighting. It’s miserable and gets worse as they get older. Someone is always left out and angry. |
Anonymous
Time outs are for toddlers. I repeat what I said - you guys need a parenting class. |
Anonymous
To be helpful - at 4 and 6, they can and should clean up any messes they make. So running around the house with snack bars getting crumbs and other stuff every where? As a natural consequence, they clean every bit of it up. Full stop - make those jokers pick up the big pieces, sweep, vacuum AND mop. Even if it takes hours (Or until you get tired of supervising. Just make it painful for them). I'd bet after doing that once or twice, they won't do it again. Having them sit in time out while they watch you clean up a mess they made so they can turn around and make another one doesn't make sense, right? |
Anonymous
And? What do you do about the messes... do they have to help clean up? What are the consequences for fighting? They should be helping clean up their messes. Also, don't let them spend time alone together. No going into each other's room. If you're outside they need to be out there with you. Take a parenting class or 2. |
Anonymous
| Where is the discipline for any of this? |
Anonymous
No, fine for older kids. |
Anonymous
This. Think of parental attention as the ultimate positive reinforcement. I am sure that you have heard this before, but kids prefer positive attention, but they will take negative attention over nothing (especially if there is a lot of affect with it). So, whenever your kids are doing something right, give them tons of positive attention. Whenever they are misbehaving, more or less ignore them. -Your daughter is playing nicely in her room...sit on the floor with her for 5 minutes and ask her about her game. Play with her. -When she comes outside after fighting with her brother, tell her to stay outside and away from him, but keep it low affect and don't get too involved. -If she starts helping with the yardwork, give her lots of praise. Right now, you are kind of doing the opposite. I get it. We have all been there. Kids seem like they are playing nicely, so you sneak off to get something done. Then they start fighting, so all of your attention turns to them. As soon as they calm down, you go back to what you were doing and ignore them. They want your attention, and they know how to get it. |