I can’t put my baby down for naps and feel like a failure

[Anonymous]

With my first child, he “needed” to be held for all of his naps, so that is what I did until I went back to work at 5 months. In hindsight I’m sure I was making classic FTM mistakes and I should have put him down for naps. Now I have a 9 week old and I’m doing it again! I am better about putting her down, but she just doesn’t stay asleep nearly as long as she does when I hold her, and I think sleep is so important for their development. What am I doing wrong? Is this all in my head?

[Anonymous]

I always had to hold/rock them for about 20 minutes til they went into really deep sleep. Then I could put them down and they’d sleep in their own crib. If I tried after a shorter time they just woke up immediately.

[Anonymous]

You're not doing anything wrong. Babies' nap cycles don't consolidate until 5-6 months, so short naps are normal when you put them down. It's easier for them to transition through sleep cycles when being held.

I held my first for naps too, but not my second. He usually gets one longer nap, but the rest are short.

You could also go in right before the time your baby normally wakes up and put your hands on him/her to see if it helps transition between the cycle.

You could try different swaddles or sleep items to see if they help, but every baby is different and that's expensive and may not work.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your ped and ask if baby can sleep in a fully reclined swing or a Rock and Play. That helps.

But 9 weeks? Give yourself a break and some credit. That's still really small. Try working on it more steadily around the 12-week mark.

"Happiest Baby Gude to Sleep" by Harvey Karp
"Sleep Lady's Goid Night, Sleep Tight" by Kim West
"90 Minute Baby Sleep Guide" by Polly Moore

Or watch videos by these baby sleep experts for tips

[Anonymous]

9 weeks?! You are doing great!!

Have you tried swaddling?

[Anonymous]

You’re doing great! You can wear him in a wrap or sling so that he has that closeness and comfort, but you can also move around and get things done. Both the closeness and asleep are really good for the brain development.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 kids and made the same “mistake” on all. Whatever, was what it was and they sleep fine now. Be kind to yourself!

[Anonymous]

I was you and swore I wouldn’t hold baby for all naps again. Then my second turned out to be super difficult and had food allergies and got overtired so so easily and somehow we ended up holding him for naps until 4-5 months when we finally sleep trained and his personality mellowed out. It’ll be okay OP! It’s a short phase as you know!

[Anonymous]

Yeah, 9 weeks is so early! My kid also slept for so much longer in a carrier (so I carried her all the time), but then when she transitioned to crib naps at 4 months when I went back to work, she was fine and kept a great schedule. She's still a pretty good sleeper. I think as long as your kid is getting enough sleep and isn't showing signs of fatigue between naps, you're doing great! You can't "ruin" a baby by holding and rocking him.

[Anonymous]

These naps are so numbered. We had snoo. Now I wish I held him more.

[Anonymous]

You must be me- I have the same issue

[Anonymous]

If it works for you keep doing it. If it’s not working you need to change something. That’s my parenting mantra. I would put down drowsy but awake. We used a swing, stroller sometimes if going for a walk etc... doesn’t have to be a crib.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With my first child, he “needed” to be held for all of his naps, so that is what I did until I went back to work at 5 months. In hindsight I’m sure I was making classic FTM mistakes and I should have put him down for naps. Now I have a 9 week old and I’m doing it again! I am better about putting her down, but she just doesn’t stay asleep nearly as long as she does when I hold her, and I think sleep is so important for their development. What am I doing wrong? Is this all in my head?

I did this too with my first, swore I wouldn't with my second, did it anyway. At about 6m his naps consolidated and he could take longer naps on his own. It'll hopefully be the same for you!

[Anonymous]

I think your problem is that you're fixated on sleeping by the book.

If your goal is to put the baby down for naps, then stick to it, and don't worry so much about the total amount of sleep.

Get yourself a copy of Ferber to learn more about sleeping & napping patterns. One issue is that naps aren't all that clearly consolidated by 8 weeks, but you can start taking advantage of the "best" nap opportunity by putting your baby down when they seem sleepy about 2 hours after they wake up. At first they may wake up after 5 minutes, but eventually it will stretch out. If you just focus on the first nap, the rest will follow.

I was REALLY adamant about my baby taking naps in the crib because I desperately needed the alone time. At around 8 weeks, I started to just focus on the first nap. There were lots of times he woke up after 5 minutes and I tore my hair out, but eventually he got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your problem is that you're fixated on sleeping by the book.

If your goal is to put the baby down for naps, then stick to it, and don't worry so much about the total amount of sleep.

Get yourself a copy of Ferber to learn more about sleeping & napping patterns. One issue is that naps aren't all that clearly consolidated by 8 weeks, but you can start taking advantage of the "best" nap opportunity by putting your baby down when they seem sleepy about 2 hours after they wake up. At first they may wake up after 5 minutes, but eventually it will stretch out. If you just focus on the first nap, the rest will follow.

I was REALLY adamant about my baby taking naps in the crib because I desperately needed the alone time. At around 8 weeks, I started to just focus on the first nap. There were lots of times he woke up after 5 minutes and I tore my hair out, but eventually he got it.

(Sorry, I realize it's confusing for me to both say "fixated on sleeping by the book" and then cite two books! What I mean is, that babies don't magically just start sleeping the way we think they should based on a pre-conceived notion, or based on what you read on the internet about the total sleep or number of naps they need. You have to actually teach them and change your own practices. Ferber is good because he's actually evidence based and doesn't exaggerate sleep needs.)