Is is common for parents to clash more with their same sex kid than with opposite sex kid?

[Anonymous]

Do you think it's true? If so, why do you think this is?

I find that my 10 yo DD can get more under my skin than her younger brother. I don't want to get into a bad pattern with her, so I'm trying to figure why her backtalk and other common kid behaviors get under my skin more. Or maybe it's just the age? I do remember me fighting with my mother and my brother clashing with my dad more when we were teens/kids.

[Anonymous]

I think somewhat - we see ourselves in our same sex kids and watch them go through the same phases as we did, whether they make the same choices or not. I think we feel like we want them to do better than we did or follow in our footsteps. With the opposite sex I think we have no idea, so don't get as worked up.

[Anonymous]

This is the case with both my husband and I, and my mother and I. In each case, however, the same-sex child was markedly more like the opposite-sex parent. In other words, I was like my father, my son is like me, and my daughter's personality closely resembles her father's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the case with both my husband and I, and my mother and I. In each case, however, the same-sex child was markedly more like the opposite-sex parent. In other words, I was like my father, my son is like me, and my daughter's personality closely resembles her father's.

OP: this is the case with my family; DD is like DH and DS is like me in personality. So maybe DD and I just understand each other less, and the little things that irk me about DH also irk me about DD.

[Anonymous]

Depends much more on personality than sex, I think.

I (female) got/get along much better w my mom than my dad, mostly because my dad is just a difficult person in general and it’s hard to talk to him bc he’s overly critical and negative.

With my own kids, I clash more w my son than my daughter and I think it’s because my son and I are very similar (both very sensitive, both over analyze things, both very emotional) which can make it hard to be together because 2 of that type of personality is intense. whereas my daughters personality is more like my husband and we balance each other more so it’s easier to get along w her. But I understand my son better since he’s so like me and sometimes that helps me understand how to approach situations with him more effectively. It’s just hard at times to get along with someone who shares so many kind of difficult personality traits with yourself bc you constantly have to confront your own flaws as you see them played out through your child.

[Anonymous]

I have always this is true from fairly young all the way through teens.

[Anonymous]

Freud explained this phenomenon as the Oedipus Complex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Freud explained this phenomenon as the Oedipus Complex.

I was just thinking of this!

The Oedipus complex was more or less disproven, but in the context of doing that, they did find that young children tend to have more positive dreams and fantasies (not sexual fantasies...childhood fantasies) about the opposite sex parent. I can’t remember what they were exactly, and I’m not finding it on a quick google search. But I think they were something like preferring to imagine going on a trip with the opposite gendered parent over the same gendered parent.

I also think, as a parent, that I unconsciously tend to be more forgiving of my boys than I do my girl. Looking back, I don’t expect them to be as emotionally aware. And my husband is the same with our girl. He doesn’t expect her to be quite as brave or assertive as the boys. I don’t know.

[Anonymous]

What makes you think we all have one of each?

[Anonymous]

It’s just temperament. I only have DD’s. I am a woman. I definitely clash more with one than the other and my husband seems to deal better with the one I clash wish. I love them both to the moon and back, it’s more just about speaking the same “language.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What makes you think we all have one of each?

+1. I have 3 girls. I am more prone to clash with one in particular, and it’s based on being too similar in some ways yet very different in others, plus birth order.

[Anonymous]

No.

What a strange thought.

[Anonymous]

No but studies show you will have more conflict with a child that is not your same birth order.

For example. I’m the youngest in my family and I have more conflict with my child that is the oldest/1st child.

[Anonymous]

Yes, for sure. We will always be mist upset by what is mist like us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends much more on personality than sex, I think.

I (female) got/get along much better w my mom than my dad, mostly because my dad is just a difficult person in general and it’s hard to talk to him bc he’s overly critical and negative.

With my own kids, I clash more w my son than my daughter and I think it’s because my son and I are very similar (both very sensitive, both over analyze things, both very emotional) which can make it hard to be together because 2 of that type of personality is intense. whereas my daughters personality is more like my husband and we balance each other more so it’s easier to get along w her. But I understand my son better since he’s so like me and sometimes that helps me understand how to approach situations with him more effectively. It’s just hard at times to get along with someone who shares so many kind of difficult personality traits with yourself bc you constantly have to confront your own flaws as you see them played out through your child.

+100

This is how it plays out in my house as well with my kids.