How do home space needs change as kids age?

[Anonymous]

Not sure if this a real estate or parenting question. We have 2 under 3 and live in a 2 bedroom apartment that is 885 sq feet. Both parents work out of the home (even during covid) and kids have a mix of grandparents and a babysitter (in the apartment). So far this is working but I'm not sure if we are being naive about what the next few years looks like in terms of covid and how kids use space when they get older. We planned to buy a house in a few years (5ish). We did start looking now but the market seems insane and if we move we lose our current child care arrangement and have to find a new one which seems daunting. I'm worried about the winter and worried if school is not full time next year we won't have prek3 and will therefore need to put older one in expensive private preschool (no inexpensive options near us and grandparents can't keep up the arrangement forever). Should we but a bigger place further out or smaller place near in or just stay? Does a 3 or 4 year old use more space than a 2 year old? We luckily have access to good outdoor options very nearby by not as easy as a fenced backyard (but maybe similar to unfenced?)

[Anonymous]

I would just focus on getting them out of the house as much as possible. Otherwise, your current arrangement seems to be working now and you could probably make it work for a long time. If everyone is happy, what's the problem?

Signed,
European who grew up in a two-bedroom apartment, sharing a room with a sibling, and never felt cramped

[Anonymous]

We live in a big house and our kids (12 and 10) are always where we are. I assume that will change when they are teens, but I think you'd be fine for a long while. Our two have separate bedrooms but always choose to sleep together in the same room (probably plotting our destruction, LOL). In fact, your space needs will decrease in a while because they don't need a bunch of space-hogging toys and instead are happy with electronics/phone, that kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

We moved from a house to an apartment (2 bedroom, 1200 sq. ft.) for 18 months while we waited for our new house to be built. Our twins were four at the time. The hardest thing was that they didn't really have space for their stuff like they had had before. The bedroom they shared was small and while the closet was a walk-in, it wasn't huge. We don't normally keep a lot of toys in their room but had to do so in the apartment so that they wouldn't be all over the living room (and I am someone who hates crap, doesn't buy a ton of toys, and is militant about purging things). But you know, kids toys take up space, especially when they're younger. The other hard thing for us was that they couldn't go outside without us being there because we didn't have a yard that we could access easily (we were on the fourth floor). Another thing was that you could hear everything, all the time.

As kids get older, their toys tend to get smaller, so that helps, but they also like to have places that they can go to that are just theirs. Of course, that's not necessary, and obviously tons of people share bedrooms growing up, but I have found with my twin girls that while they love each other and spend almost all their time together (willingly), they also both need their space at some point every day, at which time it's great for them to be able to get away from each other, which was hard to do in the apartment.

[Anonymous]

My DD is 17 and we have lived in the same place since she was 4. They can make do with anything. We moved from a tiny studio to a tiny one bedroom when she was 4.

[Anonymous]

I agree that families can live in any size space (see NYC!) but in my experience, I have found that as my kids age (esp my boys) they use up so much more physical space.

They are just bigger, and gesture wildly, and talk loudly, and just seem to take up more space than when they were little. For example, my seats-six kitchen table worked when my four kids were little, but it doesn't now that they're tweens/teens. Everything is bigger - their shoes, their coats, their attitudes!

And even as teens, they tend to be where you are. They'll go off happily to their rooms for longer stretches, sure, but they always converge on the kitchen, and so the kitchen feels much smaller now that they're all bigger.

But your kids are still sooooo little, OP. Stay put for now if that works for the rest of your life. Wait to move til you just.cant.take.it.anymore. And then your new space will feel so good, and you'll be ready to make the trade-offs that such a move might entail. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in 3,000+ square feet and we all had our own rooms and bathrooms. I felt a little lost as a kid inside. It’s fun to be together. Now we have 4 in 1,500 sq feet, newly renovated back yard and I love it! DH wants about 700sq feet more. Maybe we’ll expand a bedroom and add another full. Just moved kids into a bunk bed moved dressers in there too, and now third bedroom converted to play room and it rocks! Kids are 6 and 3.

[Anonymous]

This:

But your kids are still sooooo little, OP. Stay put for now if that works for the rest of your life. Wait to move til you just.cant.take.it.anymore. And then your new space will feel so good, and you'll be ready to make the trade-offs that such a move might entail. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

When kids are younger, it's better to have them not too far from you. We're in a SFH but it's a ranch style so the kids are generally not out of ear shot and I love it. Now that they're 6 & 8, I like being able to send them to their rooms or the rec room downstairs to play so I get some peace. Only when I felt comfortable with them playing out of ear shot did we spread out. So maybe when the youngest is 4? While the inside toys get smaller as they get older - we now have bigger outside toys like bikes and scooters.

We live in the burbs with a yard and I would still say if your situation is working, wait until it's not to move. I feel like the housing market is even tighter/harder during COVID b/c of low inventory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in 3,000+ square feet and we all had our own rooms and bathrooms. I felt a little lost as a kid inside. It’s fun to be together. Now we have 4 in 1,500 sq feet, newly renovated back yard and I love it! DH wants about 700sq feet more. Maybe we’ll expand a bedroom and add another full. Just moved kids into a bunk bed moved dressers in there too, and now third bedroom converted to play room and it rocks! Kids are 6 and 3.

Just as another point -- it just depends on what your need/wants/etc. are. We were 5 in about 1,700 sq ft and I felt like I was dying inside each day due to the clutter and lack of space. We just moved to 4,800 sq ft and I have a renewed sense of independence and there is a place for everything! Our kids are young elementary and we just needed more space for our family.

[Anonymous]

It seems like your situation is working for you, and you both work out of the home, but this would never work in my family (but I love living in the burbs and don't miss city life at all). I love that I can send the kids into the yard (even at age 3 and 4) and just sit inside at the breakfast table. Now my 9 year old can easily go outside and play without me worrying. They have so much stuff! Soccer, lacrosse, dance, basketball- the mudroom is one of the most important areas of the house! With virtual school it's important they each have their own space where they don't hear each other. Pre -covid they needed homework space, and older kids like to have their own space and privacy sometimes.

I think if things are working for you now, then don't worry about it. But as pp said, older kids just take up more space. They still have toys, but also all their activity stuff and school stuff, they eat a lot, and it's nice to have a yard to just send them outside where you don't have to go out.

[Anonymous]

We have an under 1000 square foot house and its fine. We have a basement and attic for storage. When kids are older they don't have the toys and other things so its less space if anything. Eventually they go to college. Having a smaller house is nice as we spend a lot of time together as there is no place to spread out.

[Anonymous]

We had a 750 sq ft apartment until the kids were 5 and 8. It was fine. As long as you have a park nearby, you'll be good.

[Anonymous]

I think smaller works when they are younger and will get harder when they are older -- but not really until they are about 5+ (and both of them), so you have time.

Keep with what you have if it's working, and change when it stops working.

I do think my older son needs more space and privacy now that he's getting older. They are also using our yard much more now due to COVID and being older than they used to. Both kids want to do more independently from us, and I think that is harder in a small space when they are old enough to want privacy and independence but not old enough to go out into public spaces alone yet. But you can definitely make it work either way -- many do!

[Anonymous]

I have an 11 year old in a converted 1brm (i.e. it's a big 1brm and we converted some space into a second bedroom), with two adults working at home.

It's tight but doable. When we are working in offices and our kid is in school, it's perfectly fine. We have friends with 2 and 3 kids in similar sized spaces with 2 bedrooms (these are older kids, into middle and high school). Their spaces at home may be cramped but the space they can navigate outside the home is larger, because we live in a walkable place with access to amenities.