20 month age difference
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Anonymous
| I have a son who will be 20 months apart when I have my second baby. I’m super excited but nervous about them only being 20 months apart. I know it’s going to hard but I like the idea of them being close in age. What is it like with a 20 month and a newborn? How did you manage? |
Anonymous
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So much depends on what each child is life. My youngest was NOT a chill baby so I ended up getting a lot of help to survive the first few months so someone could be focused on trying to help baby calm down and toddler could still do toddler things vs being stuck in front of a screen for hours.
it is really tough if you're on your own with both much. particularly during the witching hours, that cracked me quickly |
Anonymous
| We managed with a full time nanny and twice-a-week cleaning people. Just accept that it'll be hell until the youngest is fully toilet trained. Then it'll be awesome. |
Anonymous
| I have a 22 month old and a newborn and thankfully I have had a lot of help. I agree with what the PP said though - so much depends on the temperament of the baby. Mine is not easygoing and I’m very glad that my DH took an extended leave and my parents have been available so DC1 can still get attention and do fun activities. DC1 has adjusted fine and is liking DC2 more and more (DC2 is now 2 months) and I think it’ll be a fun age gap. I expect it to be harder once DC2 starts moving. |
Anonymous
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Congratulations! It’s such an awesome age gap!
The first 4-6 months are going to be rough. Be sure to take lots of photos and videos because those will become your memories. And those months are so cute! I was advised to get the kids on the same nap schedule as soon as possible. I wasn’t able to do that (one kid was an early napper and the other liked late naps.) But I ended up really loving the individual time with each kid every day. I didn’t get any naps, but those were sweet times. Most importantly: forgive yourself if you aren’t perfect. Your toddler may end up watching more TV than you would like and the baby may have take a nap in the car. It’ll be ok. Just do your best and love you babies. |
Anonymous
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Mine are 15 months apart. Get a good schedule going, work on any sleep issues the older one has before the birth, hire as much help as you can afford (including night doula), do as much beforehand as you can.
The hardest parts for me has been the logistics of two in diapers and two that are basically immobile. IE if we need to go upstairs we ALL need to go upstairs. Baby wearing has saved me, as has just letting go about the younger ones sleep. I coslept with him for the first part and am still holding him for naps just to get through it. |
Anonymous
| It's a hard question to answer because so much depends on the temperament of your kids. We did ok with 15-month and 18-month gaps between kids because all of our kids were pretty easy. I found it much harder when they were older and all started running in different directions. It's good to have a sense of humor, not be totally stressed out by mess or chaos and say yes to any help you can get. Prioritize your own sleep and self-care as much as you can. |
Anonymous
I'm the PP from above. Sorry to hijack the thread but I'm so on the fence about a third. How was the transition for you? The only thing holding me back is the feeling that I'm already dividing my attention so much between the two I have and worry I won't have enough love and attention for a third. I'm an only so siblings daunt me. |
Anonymous
| Mine are 26 months apart. It’s a lot of work. My husband was off for the first 10 weeks and they went by in a blur. I would have hired more help but want to keep the baby healthy for. now with the pandemic. We haven’t found a way to outsource much, but outsource anything you can. Surviving on an hourly basis and so tired! Good luck!! |
Anonymous
I think one to two is harder than two to three. Our kids are close in age adding the third was just like more of the same. We were already in baby mode. We are well passed that stage now and I think it would be much harder to have a baby now. The early years are physically exhausting, always carrying a baby, pushing a stroller, and losing sleep. You don’t run out of love but I get your concerns about attention, not to mention energy. It can be hard when they all need something at once, but somehow you make it work or you do your best to try. What makes 3 hard is you are outnumbered, you may need a bigger SUV or minivan to fit all the car seats, you don’t fit into standard hotel with 2 beds anymore, at least not once you are out of the really little kid stage. If you go to an amusement park, most rides are for two so you need to figure out how to navigate this with 2 adults, 3 kids. If it’s important to you to be there for every soccer game or gymnastics meet, you may want to stop at two. All of my kids play sports often at different places at the same time so that can be a logistical and emotional challenge knowing that sometimes I miss stuff. Obviously there are pros and cons to any situation. It’s also good to think about who you and your partner are as people. Do you like/need a certain amount of downtime or are you more on-the-go types? Not saying people with larger families don’t get downtime, but there is definitely more work and more pull in different directions which can make it harder to get some of your own needs met. |
Anonymous
| We have 21 apart. I found it easier than 2 years apart which was much more jealousy |
Anonymous
| Mine are exactly two years apart. We did not have help. We survived. Biggest challenge was getting baby down early enough to get some sleep before #1 woke for his day. They have always gotten along great which has been wonderful. I have older son younger daughter which I think is a good combo since girls mature faster. My niece and nephew are the reverse and they never got along. |