Cannot make up my mind on childcare

[Anonymous]

We have been working from home with our energetic toddler (And older kid but they are in DL school and self sufficient) since March and of course it’s impossible really to get any work done. I keep being tempted to send them back to daycare but then every time I almost pull the trigger I read something that makes me terrified of getting COVID (I have a mild preexisting condition). My sanity is on the line (and my ability to get any work done) but I really really don’t want to get sick. I’m exhausted by this back and forth. And before anyone suggests it we absolutely can’t afford a nanny, live in a small house, and weren’t able to find a nanny share. I hate grappling with this decision that feels like life or death.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. I have been struggling with what I believe are life and death decisions all year -- even before this stupid virus and the pandemic.

Can you hire a Mother's Helper? Say an 11-13 year old girl from 3 to 6?

[Anonymous]

I get it. I ended up sending mine back to daycare. I was suffering mentally. My DH is high risk, but we made the decision that having our high energy toddler out of the house was vital. She has been back in daycare 2 months. The thinking about it is worse than doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I have been struggling with what I believe are life and death decisions all year -- even before this stupid virus and the pandemic.

Can you hire a Mother's Helper? Say an 11-13 year old girl from 3 to 6?

Why would any mother let her daughter spend. 3 hours every day during a pandemic?

[Anonymous]

My DH is deployed and I’m working from home with a seven-year-old and a 2.5 year old with a pre-existing lung condition so she cannot go back to daycare nor can my 7 year old go to school.

What makes my life and job possible is a very strict routine. I don’t know what kind of work you do, OP, but I am able to get about five hours in before the kids wake up and after they go to bed. I also have completely child-proofed and gated the small room off the room where I work so my toddler can play safely while I work. I try to schedule all meetings during her nap time which I pushed back to 2 to 3:30 just for that reason.

Play around with your schedule and your child’s nap schedule. I have friends who’ve taken on the PT zone just to get the nap where it’s needed (their kids get up at 9 rather than 6 - everything is three hours later).

All the best! It sucks but it’s not forever.

[Anonymous]

We're moving forward with it for our almost 5 month old. Frankly our marriage needs it. I'm getting resentful of having to do all the childcare and working while my husband get dedicated work time in a secure environment.

[Anonymous]

God, miserable parents. You should have gotten a dog!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is deployed and I’m working from home with a seven-year-old and a 2.5 year old with a pre-existing lung condition so she cannot go back to daycare nor can my 7 year old go to school.

What makes my life and job possible is a very strict routine. I don’t know what kind of work you do, OP, but I am able to get about five hours in before the kids wake up and after they go to bed. I also have completely child-proofed and gated the small room off the room where I work so my toddler can play safely while I work. I try to schedule all meetings during her nap time which I pushed back to 2 to 3:30 just for that reason.

Play around with your schedule and your child’s nap schedule. I have friends who’ve taken on the PT zone just to get the nap where it’s needed (their kids get up at 9 rather than 6 - everything is three hours later).

All the best! It sucks but it’s not forever.

This is what we’re doing (except DH is here - massive admiration for you, PP!). You set a schedule and stick to it. Divide, tag team, and adjust. The adjustment to 2:00 naps (shifting everything later) also gave me time in the morning when I’m most productive.

And we put the baby pen back up for our 2.5 yr old with her little easy chair in it and set it in front of the tv for when DH and I both have zoom calls. It’s the only screentime she gets so she’s thrilled!

[Anonymous]

We sent our kids back to day care in may. Everything was suffering--work, grad school, marriage, mental health. Sending them to day care was life changing. My older extrovert oldest child is especially thriving in day care. No COVID issues at our center, but I realize it could happen.

[Anonymous]

Changing the kids to a west coast time zone schedule is kinda genius!! That way the nap isn’t when your work colleagues are at lunch and you get more time in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I have been struggling with what I believe are life and death decisions all year -- even before this stupid virus and the pandemic.

Can you hire a Mother's Helper? Say an 11-13 year old girl from 3 to 6?

Why would any mother let her daughter spend. 3 hours every day during a pandemic?

Because with a cautious family, it’s minimal exposure and a great benefit to the child? Valuable experience, a small amount of money, and a schedule that gives a chance to get outside of the house on a regular basis are great reasons to allow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been working from home with our energetic toddler (And older kid but they are in DL school and self sufficient) since March and of course it’s impossible really to get any work done. I keep being tempted to send them back to daycare but then every time I almost pull the trigger I read something that makes me terrified of getting COVID (I have a mild preexisting condition). My sanity is on the line (and my ability to get any work done) but I really really don’t want to get sick. I’m exhausted by this back and forth. And before anyone suggests it we absolutely can’t afford a nanny, live in a small house, and weren’t able to find a nanny share. I hate grappling with this decision that feels like life or death.

If you can't afford a nanny orca nanny share then, guess what, you take care of your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been working from home with our energetic toddler (And older kid but they are in DL school and self sufficient) since March and of course it’s impossible really to get any work done. I keep being tempted to send them back to daycare but then every time I almost pull the trigger I read something that makes me terrified of getting COVID (I have a mild preexisting condition). My sanity is on the line (and my ability to get any work done) but I really really don’t want to get sick. I’m exhausted by this back and forth. And before anyone suggests it we absolutely can’t afford a nanny, live in a small house, and weren’t able to find a nanny share. I hate grappling with this decision that feels like life or death.

If you can't afford a nanny orca nanny share then, guess what, you take care of your kid.

Or get an AP, if you qualify for the exemption.
Or pay a mother’s helper or teen/college age sitter.
Or send to daycare or preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been working from home with our energetic toddler (And older kid but they are in DL school and self sufficient) since March and of course it’s impossible really to get any work done. I keep being tempted to send them back to daycare but then every time I almost pull the trigger I read something that makes me terrified of getting COVID (I have a mild preexisting condition). My sanity is on the line (and my ability to get any work done) but I really really don’t want to get sick. I’m exhausted by this back and forth. And before anyone suggests it we absolutely can’t afford a nanny, live in a small house, and weren’t able to find a nanny share. I hate grappling with this decision that feels like life or death.

If you can't afford a nanny orca nanny share then, guess what, you take care of your kid.

Or get an AP, if you qualify for the exemption.
Or pay a mother’s helper or teen/college age sitter.
Or send to daycare or preschool.

She doesn't have room for an AP. I would not allow my daughter to work for her under these circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God, miserable parents. You should have gotten a dog!

Do you have a job (that matters)?