How would you feel about a friend that always wants a drive but never offers gas money?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend that pretty much is only my friend because our kids were friends at school and we started hanging out a lot for the sake of our kids. We get along very well and she’s great to talk to but she doesn’t drive and I always find myself having to drive her home. Most of the time I offer, because I feel bad, so I don’t mind if she offers gas money or not. However, she’s kind of becoming greedy when it comes to this. For example, the other day, my children and I went over to her house to visit. When our visit was over, she asked if I could drive her about 20 minutes out of my way to her brother’s house. My kids were tired, I was tired but I said yes because it would have been so awkward if I didn’t. Anyways, she didn’t offer gas money. I probably wouldn’t have accepted the money but it’s the point, in my opinion. Especially since she constantly talks about how well her husband gets paid.

I’m in a strange position because I feel like I wouldn’t care so much if we were closer friends but something makes me feel slightly used.

How would you feel about this?

[Anonymous]

I think when you're in a certain economic subset, it's tacky to haggle over or even offer cash to people. I would feel rude asking my friend if she needed a few bucks to cover gas. As if it implies that you're broke. It's one thing to do that if you're an unemployed teen (and even then, we'd drive each other places and no one asked for gas money), but another when you're a presumably well off adult.

Where do you live and where did you grow up, OP?

[Anonymous]

I feel like this wouldn't happen more than once to me because I'm not a pushover.

I'd have no problem saying "Sorry, I can't - I really need to get the kids home now." or "Sorry, I'm on a budget and can't afford the extra gas these days."

[Anonymous]

I think you need to be direct and ask for money

[Anonymous]

I would never ask for gas money. If I didn't want to offer the ride, the gas money wouldn't be enough to make a difference. I would feel more comfortable saying that I'm not able to provide a ride for one reason or another.

[Anonymous]

If you live close to each other and are going home anyway, who cares? I would be offended if someone offered me gas money to drive them home from somewhere we all were.

[Anonymous]

Asking for money is weird-just say no. “Sorry, I can’t!” It’s that easy! She probably thinks you don’t mind which is why she keeps doing it-some people don’t. It’s your responsibility to decline (and hers to politely understand and not try to convince you) but the exchange of givers got gas plays no role in this unless you are both 16.

[Anonymous]

I've driven people a bunch of places but it never even occurred to me to ask or expect gas money, nor did anyone offer. I wouldnt have accepted if they did.

Besides, gas is so absurdly cheap right now, what would her part be- like 50 cents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asking for money is weird-just say no. “Sorry, I can’t!” It’s that easy! She probably thinks you don’t mind which is why she keeps doing it-some people don’t. It’s your responsibility to decline (and hers to politely understand and not try to convince you) but the exchange of givers got gas plays no role in this unless you are both 16.

Fivers for gas

[Anonymous]

I think talking about gas money is really strange once you are out of college and have a professional job. I’d be embarrassed if someone offered. Where do you live and why doesn’t she have a car?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to say no when it doesn’t work for you.

If you were tired after a visit, you need to say “This time doesn’t work for me, I really have to get home.” If she insists, that tells you a lot about what she thinks about you. Either way, you can be firm too.

[Anonymous]

Does she do other nice things for you (feed you/ your kids when over at her house, etc.)? If so, that is probably worth way more than gas money. Don’t do it if you don’t have the time. If you are low on gas when at her house and can’t afford to put more in, tell her and see if she offers to pitch in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you live close to each other and are going home anyway, who cares? I would be offended if someone offered me gas money to drive them home from somewhere we all were.

Op here.

I feel the exact same but I don’t live close to her. I wouldn’t mind at all if I was just around the corner. This time she asked me to drive her to her brother’s house from her house which was also way out of my way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she do other nice things for you (feed you/ your kids when over at her house, etc.)? If so, that is probably worth way more than gas money. Don’t do it if you don’t have the time. If you are low on gas when at her house and can’t afford to put more in, tell her and see if she offers to pitch in.

We usually order take out when we’re over there and I pay for mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she do other nice things for you (feed you/ your kids when over at her house, etc.)? If so, that is probably worth way more than gas money. Don’t do it if you don’t have the time. If you are low on gas when at her house and can’t afford to put more in, tell her and see if she offers to pitch in.

We usually order take out when we’re over there and I pay for mine.

So are you giving her cash for the takeout? If you guys are exchanging cash then it would be nice for her to offer to cover a meal for you once in a while or something