If you have a good relationship with your parents, how do you deal with living far away?

[Anonymous]

My parents have lived on the other side of the country for the last 6 years. We usually see them 1-2x per year. During COVID, we took a month to quarantine with them. Now that we've returned home, I'm really having a hard time (as are the kids) being away from them! DH's family is local, as is the rest of my family, but I almost feel like a child again missing her parents. We long for the day that they come back. I know it's fresh, so the feelings will subside soon as they do after each visit, but does anyone else experience this?

[Anonymous]

I’ve lived across the country for 20 years, since college. I had visited them in late February but our usual summer trip didn’t happen. Then my dad got very ill and I knew I had to go, so I flew out and was able to be with him and my mom when he died. It’s devastating and now I’m trying to work out for my mom to come back and stay with us for a while, at least for part of the winter if we go back into stricter lockdown etc.

[Anonymous]

I've lived across the country for almost two decades and I still sometimes cry when my parents leave after a visit. But honestly I think our relationship is better because we're far away. I'd love them to move out here but I also know we'd argue more if they did.

Anyway, I call every Sunday to chat. We also occasionally text or email throughout the week, and I send pictures of our kid. When they visit I encourage them to stay at least two weeks so it doesn't feel rushed. We visit them too but usually for only a week because of our jobs.

[Anonymous]

It's really hard. Even in normal times, being apart is hard. I'm close with my parents and my sibling, and both are in the Northeast - I am in the South.

Usually I go visit them several times a year, and they come here at least once a year. I talk to my mom on the phone every morning while I walk the dog, and usually talk to my dad once a week. I talk to my sibling on FB chat every day, and usually facetime with his family every couple of weeks.

During COVID, I haven't been able to see any of them. This is a long time to go without seeing each other. Usually I'd have been to visit at least twice during this time. This is making me consider moving back north, even though I detest the weather up there.

No plans to actually make the move, but I am heartsick at the prospect of not seeing my family for another year.

[Anonymous]

I have a good relationship with my mother BECAUSE I live far away. hahaha

I have felt this way about my dad though (divorced) who has lived abroad for a long time. And my best advice is to talk often and make the effort to do regular trips. My dad also visited for a long stretch during quarantine and it was hard to say goodbye, as it has been since I was a little kid, but you just try to remember the good times. I found one thing that really helps is to have the next visit planned and on the books so you're not sitting there aimlessly waiting for the next chance to see them.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the replies. It's nice to know that I'm not being a baby by feeling this way I'm also glad you all have nice relationships with your parents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a good relationship with my mother BECAUSE I live far away. hahaha

I have felt this way about my dad though (divorced) who has lived abroad for a long time. And my best advice is to talk often and make the effort to do regular trips. My dad also visited for a long stretch during quarantine and it was hard to say goodbye, as it has been since I was a little kid, but you just try to remember the good times. I found one thing that really helps is to have the next visit planned and on the books so you're not sitting there aimlessly waiting for the next chance to see them.

This is excellent advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve lived across the country for 20 years, since college. I had visited them in late February but our usual summer trip didn’t happen. Then my dad got very ill and I knew I had to go, so I flew out and was able to be with him and my mom when he died. It’s devastating and now I’m trying to work out for my mom to come back and stay with us for a while, at least for part of the winter if we go back into stricter lockdown etc.

OP here. I'm very sorry for your loss. That sounds very tough. I hope it works out that your mom can stay with you for a while. Hugs!

[Anonymous]

My parents live halfway across the world in Asia. At the best of times we can each only afford a trip over every other year. Now, with the pandemic, I am not sure when we will be able to travel there or they here. It's hard.
We Facetime once a week so they get to see the kids, and I call them once mid-week for a kid-free catchup. We also have a family WhatsApp group for just my parents, me and my sister (who lives in another part of Asia), and we use it to share just everyday stuff - recipes, photos, sometimes jokes - and just sharing mundane, non-pandemic stuff has also been a good way to feel connected.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, it's hard. We visit at least every summer, and every other Christmas, and they come to visit at least once a year and sometimes twice, and they also try to vacation in Florida in February, so we can fly down and hang out with them there for the long weekend. So we see them 3-4 times a year. As my kid gets older, she also spends time with them alone, so she'll spend an extra week with them in the summer, or the whole week of February break, so she also gets to have some dedicated grandparent time.

[Anonymous]

It's so hard! My parents are in Europe. All my trips fell through.I have a new one scheduled for the holidays but I don't think it's happening.

They are not pushing for me to travel and are being so sweet and thankful just to receive a viber call. I miss them so much and I'm constantly worried for their well being. It is now a year since I saw my mom last when she came to the States and two years since I saw my dad (he's not able to travel anymore).

[Anonymous]

I facetime with my parents daily.

[Anonymous]

I facetime with them multiple times a day. I get teary-eyes every few days. I am in my late 30s and feel like a 5 year old


If I could, I would just pack up and move back in with them. Hubby can tag along if he likes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard. Even in normal times, being apart is hard. I'm close with my parents and my sibling, and both are in the Northeast - I am in the South.

Usually I go visit them several times a year, and they come here at least once a year. I talk to my mom on the phone every morning while I walk the dog, and usually talk to my dad once a week. I talk to my sibling on FB chat every day, and usually facetime with his family every couple of weeks.

During COVID, I haven't been able to see any of them. This is a long time to go without seeing each other. Usually I'd have been to visit at least twice during this time. This is making me consider moving back north, even though I detest the weather up there.

No plans to actually make the move, but I am heartsick at the prospect of not seeing my family for another year.

This sounds lovely. You have a great mother and she obviously has a wonderful daughter. I hope to have this with my daughters.

[Anonymous]

I live in DC and parents, grandparents, cousins, etc are all in California. We get out there once a year and mom comes here once a year (dad doesn’t like to travel).

I call my mom any time I’m in the car by myself, just to say hi and catch up. Mostly though I just don’t know any different. I’ve lived across the country since I was 18, so I can’t compare living across town.