How long does it take to put your 4-5 year old down at night?

[Anonymous]

I am at my wits end. It is averaging 45 minutes to get them to bed from the minute they go upstairs but some nights like tonight it was an hour. I hate it. When can they go to bed themselves? We go upstairs at 8pm. Kids are 4 and 5.5 years old and share a room. They brush their teeth and go to the bathroom. Then we get into bed and I read a story. Then somehow it has progressed into me having “personal” time with each of them and snuggle time. Then the 4 year old gets out of bed about 5-10 times before she finally passes out at 9ish. 4 year old still naps at daycare but 5.5 year old doesn’t (in kindergarten).

How long does it take you to put your kids down? What do you do? I feel like this has gotten excessive. I come to dread bedtime.

[Anonymous]

About an hour. You need to lean into it and perhaps start the routine earlier. My kids go to bed at 6-630

Personal time should happen over the afternoon. Bedtime is a group activity like baths. I have a 1,3 , 5 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Pajamas, teeth brushing, 2 books and 2 lullabies takes about 20-30 mins for my 3 and 4.5 year old (they don’t room share). 45 for both is reasonable. They should get some mom alone time but do it before bed starts. While kid 1 brushes teeth give kid 2 alone time then switch.

[Anonymous]

About 35-40 minutes for me with a 1 and 4 year old. They both get baths together at 645,
I brush their teeth while they’re in the bath, 4 year old pees/gets dressed/picks out books while I put baby to sleep, and then we read, sing maybe one song, cuddle for 2-3 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Op here - I would love to do personal mom time before bed but I also have a 7 month old I need to rush to feed, bathe and get to bed as well. My dh works from home (pandemic) but is a lawyer and works 15 hour days lately. Also the hardest part of personal time is that the 4 year old refuses to leave the 5 year old along long enough for me to have personal time with the 5 year old.

[Anonymous]

The 4yo napping at daycare is a huge part of your problem. They are not tired at 8pm after a nap at that age. At 4 my kid ( stopped napping at 3.5) was in bed lights out by 730pm . Asleep by 8pm. We started the process around 7 if not including a bath/shower.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I split bedtime duties. One of us handles the "getting ready" part, which includes pajamas, brushing teeth, and reading a book or 3 in the living room. The other one handles the 'tucking in" part, which involves actually getting into bed, usually a short bedtime story and a song, and then some quality time, which varies depending on who is doing it. We alternate each night. Each phase takes about 20-25 minutes.

I love it because if it's my night for getting ready, I don't get as frustrated if there is lots of stalling because I know I will be able to hand the kid off before actual bedtime. And when it is my night to do the tucking in, I actually enjoy that quality time because I haven't spent the last half hour trying to finagle the kid into bed.

It also creates a little sliver of personal time for each of us before we do our one on one time with each other after the kid is tucked in. My husband uses his to watch cooking videos on YouTube or play video games. I use mine to run or read. It's really nice.

Kid's been pretty challenging around all transitions lately, but we've been doing this routine for over a year and it really works for us.

[Anonymous]

It’s so hard OP, I get it. I bet the 4 year old isn’t feeling fulfilled by her alone time and that’s why she lingers. Any other options for like 5 solid minutes of alone time? I understand your husband works long hours but can he give you 20 minutes in the afternoon? 10/kid and baby tags along. One puzzle per kid...one drawing per kid. Anything that puts the spotlight on them and makes them feel like the center of your world for those few mins. My husband does baths (he breaks from work for bath and bed routine). One kid in the bath and one kid getting my full attention for about 10 minutes.

[Anonymous]

I only had one but it was only 15 minutes for the whole routinesince he was a toddler.
.

[Anonymous]

I have only one, turning 5 this week, and I spend 45 minutes between PJs on and me leaving his room. DH and I rotate nights. I think 45 for 2 is pretty good. Agree your 4yo can stop napping at daycare—my daycare insisted he was their best napper but we stopped naps cold turkey on his 4th birthday and he didn’t miss a beat (other than going to bed an hour earlier!)

[Anonymous]

How convenient that the husband misses the bed time.

[Anonymous]

That's too late of a bedtime, for starters.

Drop all naps.

You should give them a bath, the change in body temp when they exit the water helps catapult them to sleep. Use Epsom salts from time to time.

Our routine takes about 45 mins, but it always has. Kids are in bed between 7:00-7:30 at the latest. Very rarely does anyone get up after being put to bed and if they do we calmly walk them back to bed and say goodnight.

[Anonymous]

My almost 4 year old has about a 30 min bedtime routine. Brush teeth, 2 books from me and 2 books from her dad, hugs and kisses, and into her bed. She goes to bed by 7:30/8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How convenient that the husband misses the bed time.

Seriously. When our 3 were that age, lawyer DH was home most evenings to help with bedtime, then logged back on to finish work. Your DH is in the house, no reason he can’t help you out.

45 minutes isn’t that long for a bedtime routine. It does sound like you’re starting a bit late, so your kids might be overtired and wound up by 8 pm. And I don’t mean to be harsh, but if your kids are in daycare they miss you and are craving some focused attention. IME (my youngest is now 5, oldest is 10) children are much better behaved when they’re getting 1:1 parent time. I know they aren’t at their best in the evenings, but that’s when you have time for them.

In our house, bedtime routine starts between 7 and 730. All 3 get their own baths and their own solo time with one parent. Everyone is in rooms tucked in or reading (oldest) by 830. Is it fun? Mostly no, it’s a PITA and we are all tired, but it’s gotta be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The 4yo napping at daycare is a huge part of your problem. They are not tired at 8pm after a nap at that age. At 4 my kid ( stopped napping at 3.5) was in bed lights out by 730pm . Asleep by 8pm. We started the process around 7 if not including a bath/shower.

+1

This is a kid napping when he doesn’t need it.