6 y/o and negative self talk

[Anonymous]

Since the quarantine began, our 6 y/o son has increasingly been talking negatively about himself (like, "I'm stupid."). He also has been increasingly anxious this year. He always socialized well in preschool and kindergarten.
It really alarmed us this weekend when he asked what death is like. I'm not sure how much of this is normal and how much should be concerning. Most of the time he is happy, playing with friends, etc. But the talk is concerning us, particularly because mental illness is in my husband's family. Should we do a tele-visit with a psychologist? Don't even know how to find someone who could help.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, you could check in with your pediatrician. I have been trying to find a counselor or someone for my 7 yo daughter to talk to. She says some similar types of negative things, and also that she's "so worried" and sometimes gets very upset about seemingly minor issues. I thought it may be anxiety but wasn't sure. I started calling around before Covid but had a hard time finding anyone taking new patients. I assume it may be worse now with impacts from Covid. I finally heard back from one place where we were on the waiting list. Your pediatrician may have some places they can refer you to start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since the quarantine began, our 6 y/o son has increasingly been talking negatively about himself (like, "I'm stupid."). He also has been increasingly anxious this year. He always socialized well in preschool and kindergarten.
It really alarmed us this weekend when he asked what death is like. I'm not sure how much of this is normal and how much should be concerning. Most of the time he is happy, playing with friends, etc. But the talk is concerning us, particularly because mental illness is in my husband's family. Should we do a tele-visit with a psychologist? Don't even know how to find someone who could help.

OP, you know your child best and if you think something is "off" follow through. That said, I would like to share my experience with you regarding my just turned 6y old (so, 5 during spring). She was doing K on line after the closures and about one month in, she began having a very negative mindset and very low self-esteem. She would cry saying she was stupid because she couldn't remember things. It was true that she needed to practice a math fact or letter sound many times before she would know the answer.

She was very distracted during class and during our working sessions - I had to constantly bring her attention back to the subject at hand - like, every 2 min or so.

She was diagnosed with ADHD during summer (we are still waiting for a full neuro) and has starting taking medication. The medication has helped a little bit (we are still trying this and that), but consistently working with her has helped more. The more she learns and masters, the more self confident she feels and grasps next concepts easier.

I have been working VERY hard to boost her self confidence and praising her efforts and results.


She has made a 180 degrees turn since then and now is back to being self confident and taking pride in her work and what she has accomplished so far.

I share this because if your son is calling himself "stupid" because he is having difficulties in school or with school related stuff, you need to get him tutors or work with him yourself. And in the process, build his confidence back up.

I am not going to say your child has ADHD because I am not a health professional and you didn't provide any other information into that aspect - but one of the things my child's psychiatrist said to me is that one of the worst problems children with untreated/undiagnosed ADHD suffers is lack of self-esteem. Because they (usually) have problems with learning due to the condition, they think themselves "stupid." Lack of self-esteem can escalate into more dangerous stuff as they grow older (more prone to s suffer peer pressure, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, self harm, etc).

[Anonymous]

4-6 is a normal age range to realize people die, our parents die, we die, etc. It's a phase.

I'd redirect the negative self-talk.
DS: I don't understand. I'm stupid.
You: You don't understand YET. You're only 6 - you're not expected to know everything at 6.