SIL getting divorced

[Anonymous]

DH’s sister met a guy a few years ago when she was in her late 30s. He was introduced to her by a friend and they got married a year later when she was a few months pregnant, then had a second child 18 months later. One year after that she started referring to her husband as an asshole and dating an older guy in her neighborhood. She’s always been selfish but gosh the situation now for her children is a mess and her parents are so stressed. DH thinks his sister is spoilt and selfish, I find her very erratic. She seems to find her children to be a drag now and leaves them with her ex as he has a nanny who lives in his house.

[Anonymous]

So?

[Anonymous]

You just came to dump on your SIL?
Not to ask whether she might have a mental health disorder?
Drug issues?
Or how to help her kids?
No?

OK.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they are better off with the ex and a nanny.

Have you told her you are worried about her and the kids? Asked her if she needs anything or needs any support?

Have you reached out to her ex-husband to see if the kids need any support (emotional, financial) from your side of the family. Or if he is worried about her behavior toward the kids?

[Anonymous]

Yes, and? This is clearly your favorite soap opera. Sounds like you need a hobby. Be a good aunt (not that you consider yourself to be an aunt to her kids). End of involvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are better off with the ex and a nanny.

Have you told her you are worried about her and the kids? Asked her if she needs anything or needs any support?

Have you reached out to her ex-husband to see if the kids need any support (emotional, financial) from your side of the family. Or if he is worried about her behavior toward the kids?

Thanks
She doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.
DH is not close to her and I try to stay out of it.
I’m just sad for her kids.
Her DH has a lot of anger issues so it’s not going to be easy to be involved with him

We do try to get our kids together so the cousins can have a relationship but then we get pulled into different arguments which is stressful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just came to dump on your SIL?
Not to ask whether she might have a mental health disorder?
Drug issues?
Or how to help her kids?
No?

OK.

My post was cut off but my question is if anyone has advice or experience with a situation like this.

I am close to MIL and trying to help her see this through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are better off with the ex and a nanny.

Have you told her you are worried about her and the kids? Asked her if she needs anything or needs any support?

Have you reached out to her ex-husband to see if the kids need any support (emotional, financial) from your side of the family. Or if he is worried about her behavior toward the kids?

Thanks
She doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.
DH is not close to her and I try to stay out of it.
I’m just sad for her kids.
Her DH has a lot of anger issues so it’s not going to be easy to be involved with him

We do try to get our kids together so the cousins can have a relationship but then we get pulled into different arguments which is stressful

This is aad. Those poor kids with 2 unstable parents. Any chance they'd let you have custody of the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are better off with the ex and a nanny.

Have you told her you are worried about her and the kids? Asked her if she needs anything or needs any support?

Have you reached out to her ex-husband to see if the kids need any support (emotional, financial) from your side of the family. Or if he is worried about her behavior toward the kids?

Thanks
She doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.
DH is not close to her and I try to stay out of it.
I’m just sad for her kids.
Her DH has a lot of anger issues so it’s not going to be easy to be involved with him

We do try to get our kids together so the cousins can have a relationship but then we get pulled into different arguments which is stressful

This is aad. Those poor kids with 2 unstable parents. Any chance they'd let you have custody of the kids?

OP
Yes it’s very sad and confusing
I don’t understand why they moved so quickly and now have let their marriage fall apart
SIL is a narcissist but it’s really surprising to see her put a relationship with a guy ahead of her young kids
I think MIL will take custody if it comes to that, there’s NO way my DH would get involved at that level because his sister creates so much drama and we don’t want to bring that into our own family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are better off with the ex and a nanny.

Have you told her you are worried about her and the kids? Asked her if she needs anything or needs any support?

Have you reached out to her ex-husband to see if the kids need any support (emotional, financial) from your side of the family. Or if he is worried about her behavior toward the kids?

Thanks
She doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.
DH is not close to her and I try to stay out of it.
I’m just sad for her kids.
Her DH has a lot of anger issues so it’s not going to be easy to be involved with him

We do try to get our kids together so the cousins can have a relationship but then we get pulled into different arguments which is stressful

This is aad. Those poor kids with 2 unstable parents. Any chance they'd let you have custody of the kids?

OP
Yes it’s very sad and confusing
I don’t understand why they moved so quickly and now have let their marriage fall apart
SIL is a narcissist but it’s really surprising to see her put a relationship with a guy ahead of her young kids
I think MIL will take custody if it comes to that, there’s NO way my DH would get involved at that level because his sister creates so much drama and we don’t want to bring that into our own family

LOL that's not actually possible. Grandparents have no rights.

[Anonymous]

She might be all the things you say. But, dating a person for a year and getting married in your 30s is not really erratic or flighty. He is clearly slightly financially stable as he can afford a nanny by himself. So again she didn't run off with the lead singer of an 80s cover band. She married another adult and it is not working out. She has two kids under three and a tense house. Which MANY people here can relate to.

I am not saying I would behave like her but leaving the long-term family dynamics and backstory out of it, it is not really that uncommon, unusual, or shocking. And her kids will be fine having two adult parents get a divorce. (As much as any kid is fine when that happens).

If she was running to Costa Rica, moved to the mountains without the kids, or taking them all to a nudist colony to live, fine judge and talk about it. But this is 100% nothing.

[Anonymous]

You need friends, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they are better off with the ex and a nanny.

Have you told her you are worried about her and the kids? Asked her if she needs anything or needs any support?

Have you reached out to her ex-husband to see if the kids need any support (emotional, financial) from your side of the family. Or if he is worried about her behavior toward the kids?

Thanks
She doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.
DH is not close to her and I try to stay out of it.
I’m just sad for her kids.
Her DH has a lot of anger issues so it’s not going to be easy to be involved with him

We do try to get our kids together so the cousins can have a relationship but then we get pulled into different arguments which is stressful

This is aad. Those poor kids with 2 unstable parents. Any chance they'd let you have custody of the kids?

OP
Yes it’s very sad and confusing
I don’t understand why they moved so quickly and now have let their marriage fall apart
SIL is a narcissist but it’s really surprising to see her put a relationship with a guy ahead of her young kids
I think MIL will take custody if it comes to that, there’s NO way my DH would get involved at that level because his sister creates so much drama and we don’t want to bring that into our own family

LOL that's not actually possible. Grandparents have no rights.

I know right?

I love how people ignore the fact that these children have a father. Plus he’s hired a nanny so he’s got childcare covered and he likely has no interest in give up custody to his ex wife’s crazy family.

[Anonymous]

Advice to you is to butt out.
Ex and hot nanny are the way to go for these kids.
Hopefully your SIL will get COVID and that will be the end of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH’s sister met a guy a few years ago when she was in her late 30s. He was introduced to her by a friend and they got married a year later when she was a few months pregnant, then had a second child 18 months later. One year after that she started referring to her husband as an asshole and dating an older guy in her neighborhood. She’s always been selfish but gosh the situation now for her children is a mess and her parents are so stressed. DH thinks his sister is spoilt and selfish, I find her very erratic. She seems to find her children to be a drag now and leaves them with her ex as he has a nanny who lives in his house.

Cool.