Drinking at family gatherings: bad reasons

[Anonymous]

I don’t have a problem with people drinking at family gatherings, but do feel negatively when it’s obvious some family members drink because they dislike the others, are bored by them, or feel insecure or like an outsider. It’s like we’re all together because we have to be because of some “family” holiday like Thanksgiving, but no one really likes or cares about each other. So they drink and make sarcastic jokes at the expense of others. I hate this dynamic and last time we had a gathering, I asked DH not to drink and he agreed. Neither of us drank and had a much better time, but could notice the dysfunction of others who drank a lot. I am a recovering alcoholic so this may color my perceptions. Am I being judgmental or are there good reasons to drink (celebrations, relaxing after a long workout or workday, etc) and bad reasons (drowning out bad feelings or isolation, covering up insecurity)?

[Anonymous]

Sure there are good reasons to drink:
1. You can handle the amount of alcohol you drink
2. You can actually stop when it's enough
3. You don't behave in any inappropriate ways when drinking
4. You like the taste

The opposites of those are bad reasons to drink. Alcohol is very commonly used as a social lubricant. But if I were you, I would consider skipping these family gatherings. I would not want to be around drunk people making unkind comments about others.

[Anonymous]

"This keeps me from being mean to my Trump supporting family members and my uncle who abuses his wife" is good enough reason for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure there are good reasons to drink:
1. You can handle the amount of alcohol you drink
2. You can actually stop when it's enough
3. You don't behave in any inappropriate ways when drinking
4. You like the taste

The opposites of those are bad reasons to drink. Alcohol is very commonly used as a social lubricant. But if I were you, I would consider skipping these family gatherings. I would not want to be around drunk people making unkind comments about others.

I agree that alcohol can be a social lubricant that brings out the good warm fuzzy feelings or humor among those who like or love each other, but alcohol can’t cover up or fix dislike or disrespect or lack of connection.

[Anonymous]

Are those reasons why everyone drinks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are those reasons why everyone drinks?

Why do you drink?

[Anonymous]

Because it loosens things up and makes your odd relatives seem funny!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a problem with people drinking at family gatherings, but do feel negatively when it’s obvious some family members drink because they dislike the others, are bored by them, or feel insecure or like an outsider.

Do they not drink at gatherings where they like the others, are entertained by them, feel secure, and like an insider?

[Anonymous]

Are you the temperance league official in your family. It is none of your business why they drink even if they are alcoholics.. maybe they drink because this is the only way they can tolerate vyiu.

[Anonymous]

Being a recovering alcoholic and not drinking means you have to tread lightly when it comes to judging why other people drink.

I say this as a sober person for three years, and spouse has been sober for 7. I really don’t wanna come across as preachy.

When you see people getting drunk like this, just think to yourself, there are the grace of God go I.

If they’re being rude, or something that you can directly address, just say it to them while they’re there. “Larlo, I’m sorry you’re unhappy, have a canapé”. Or take a walk. Or stay less time at the family gathering.

The good news is for my family, Thanksgiving and Christmas are probably going to be curtailed because of coronavirus this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being a recovering alcoholic and not drinking means you have to tread lightly when it comes to judging why other people drink.

I say this as a sober person for three years, and spouse has been sober for 7. I really don’t wanna come across as preachy.

When you see people getting drunk like this, just think to yourself, there are the grace of God go I.

If they’re being rude, or something that you can directly address, just say it to them while they’re there. “Larlo, I’m sorry you’re unhappy, have a canapé”. Or take a walk. Or stay less time at the family gathering.

The good news is for my family, Thanksgiving and Christmas are probably going to be curtailed because of coronavirus this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a problem with people drinking at family gatherings, but do feel negatively when it’s obvious some family members drink because they dislike the others, are bored by them, or feel insecure or like an outsider.

Do they not drink at gatherings where they like the others, are entertained by them, feel secure, and like an insider?

+1

[Anonymous]

It's really annoying when alcoholics decide no one else can handle alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Sarcasm is never attractive. Too many people rely on it as their form of humor. People shouldn't join together for holidays if they don't enjoy it. To enjoy themselves people have to value being together -with enough of the people in the room-

Alcohol has nothing to do with it.

[Anonymous]

I'm just going to go ahead and answer the questions you posed: Yes, sounds to me like you're being judgemental.