Not the mom I used to be

[Anonymous]

I was watching some old videos today of when my kids were little, sweet and cute and caught my voice; kind, gentle and loving. I feel like I so often now lose my temper and get annoyed, in large part because of the bad attitudes, mad faces, and arguing. I want it back - the kindness, the peacefulness, the happiness of younger kids. Is that possible? I feel like a terrible mom

[Anonymous]

Get on an antidepressant.

[Anonymous]

Is it the pandemic? Bc I feel the same way but realize it’s because my lovely children have been around me for 6 months!! I do my best, but until I can get some quiet recharge time & get stuff done, it’s I’m cranky...

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh OP, I feel the same way. I was re-watching video from when my kid was a toddler -- a period I don't remember fondly: I would have said things are much more positive now -- and I sound so patient and calm. I like my 7 year old but it seems like we are so often either fighting or doing our separate activities. How do I regain that closeness?

[Anonymous]

I also feel that way. My kkds fight a lot and mostly don’t want to do things with me. Mine are tweens and teens. I rationalize that it’s part of the normal process of humans separating from their mom as they age—otherwise we’d all live with our moms and never launch. This is why people ling for grandkkds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get on an antidepressant.

+1. I tried a lot of other options before my PCP said that if none of those were working, the antidepressant (plus vitamin D because I was running low and a B complex because of a genetic thing) were where I needed to turn next. My main driver was patience with the kids.

You can always try the other things first, as I did.

[Anonymous]

Younger kids are cuter and more sweet. That's just life. It doesn't make you depressed. I feel the same way and I don't feel depressed.

[Anonymous]

are you stressed out and doing the same with your SO or other people? May be your behavior has changed significantly but it's good that you are realizing it.

[Anonymous]

When they are younger you parent the child you wanted. When they grow older you have to parent the child you got.

Their personalities develop and they question you. Give them respect and love, you will get respect and love back. The patience and kindness will come back in your voice.

Use the stern voice only when you have to turn up mindful and effective parenting a notch.

[Anonymous]

How old are your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Younger kids are cuter and more sweet. That's just life. It doesn't make you depressed. I feel the same way and I don't feel depressed.

Constantly snapping is loosing your temper is though.

I feel exactly like the op.

[Anonymous]

If you change your responses to the kids' behaviors, perhaps that will help some of the behaviors. So, instead of snapping when they whine and argue - try responding with the same sweet attitude your baby received when she threw her peas on the floor. Just skip the baby talk It's hard as hell, but did help a bit with my tween. When I can respond w/empathy instead of getting triggered, it helps diffuse the whole situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was watching some old videos today of when my kids were little, sweet and cute and caught my voice; kind, gentle and loving. I feel like I so often now lose my temper and get annoyed, in large part because of the bad attitudes, mad faces, and arguing. I want it back - the kindness, the peacefulness, the happiness of younger kids. Is that possible? I feel like a terrible mom

Funny, this happened to me the other day and I was thinking the same thing...how sweet and cheerful I sounded. Now I am just trying to hold on to my last bit of patience and sometimes just ignoring because I know if I do say something it might not be nice. lol

[Anonymous]

I think this is an age thing too. I have a 10 month old and an almost 6 year old and the difference is striking. I think honestly that it's because a baby or toddler can't really choose to disobey, dawdle, ignore, etc, and we know that...but an older kid can.

I find my harshness comes out most when we are short on time and i don't want to discuss and wheedle and persuade my kid that he should WANT to change his underwear someday, i want him to just change the damn underwear NOW. You'd think with DL our life would be less hurried, but since my husband and I are trying to split work/childcare shifts we just literally never get help or a break, and we still have to log on for meetings, classes, etc., at specific times. So i can SEE what the trigger is for me but I haven't found a solution yet. Willing to take advice.

[Anonymous]

Really? Because my kids are 5 and 2 and I feel like they are pushing my buttons constantly. I see my friends with kids 8 and up, and it seems much more peaceful (pre-teen and teen BS aside).