Third Wheel

[Anonymous]

Hi DCUM. Posting to this forum because I have been feeling a little down on myself. I am in my late thirties, own my own (small) home, and have a good job. Single, I've had some long term relationships that never really panned out so I've just shifted my focus to my job at this point. Over the past few years, I have become friendly with a couple (also late thirties). They do not have kids - that is probably the one big thing that we bond over. All three of us like a good night out, traveling, live music, etc. I have never thought too much about being the third wheel, because it has always just been a fun time.

However. Lately, the friendship has been feeling a little too comfortable. Both the husband and wife have been engaging in a lot of bragging, they will make little remarks that kind of passive aggressively impact me, or the husband will compare his wife to me in a way that puts me down. It kind of feels like I am being invited along so they can feel better about themselves.

Is it worth setting some boundaries, or is this the inevitable way of the "third wheel" role?

[Anonymous]

You may be seeing a little too much of each other; be far less available and decline invites every now and then.

[Anonymous]

Have them be one of several social outlets for you, Then you will be Less likely to analyze their remarks.

It is hard with Covid, but reach out to someone you work or “Meet up “ maybe?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the suggestions. It is hard with Covid, but there are a few girls from work I could definitely have over to my patio for wine, etc.

[Anonymous]

Friends shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself, or cause you emotional pain; it’s not inevitable. I would decrease your outings with them and see how it goes. If you continue to feel down on yourself after seeing them, I’d stop spending time with them altogether.

Also, it wouldn’t hurt to look inward and figure out why you are vulnerable to their comments, and focus on building up your self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

During the first couple months of Covid I moved in with a married couple who are really good friends of mine so I didn't have to be alone. I did feel like a third wheel at times and sometimes the conversation became uneasy but I just associated it with cabin fever. Now I'm back in my place and carefully seeing other friends and the couple and I are back to normal.

[Anonymous]

Back away from them. Or figure out what is really going on ... I always think bragging is a way of deflecting what is making somebody jealous/sad/embarrassed ...