Don’t trust anyone

[Anonymous]

I have on the surface a lot of strong relationships but deep down I don’t trust anyone not to have bad intentions towards me. I was abused in my childhood so I am sure it stems from this but has anyone had a similar situation and overcome it?

[Anonymous]

I have found it useful to shift from asking myself this as a yes/ no question to asking myself more specific questions based on direct experience.
“ Do I trust this person?” becomes “What do I trust this person with ?” And eventually, the list of specifics gets longer and longer. And I have to prioritize. Maybe I can’t “trust” someone to “always be on time” — but I can trust them to “ always take my needs and my point of view into account.” For me, the experience of trusting someone with smaller things allows me to grow towards trusting them with more consequential things — like my future and my well-being.

It’s hard to overcome our early templates — but it is possible. For me what has helped is having experiences that are different from ones that I was taught, which has helped me to develop healthier expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have found it useful to shift from asking myself this as a yes/ no question to asking myself more specific questions based on direct experience.
“ Do I trust this person?” becomes “What do I trust this person with ?” And eventually, the list of specifics gets longer and longer. And I have to prioritize. Maybe I can’t “trust” someone to “always be on time” — but I can trust them to “ always take my needs and my point of view into account.” For me, the experience of trusting someone with smaller things allows me to grow towards trusting them with more consequential things — like my future and my well-being.

It’s hard to overcome our early templates — but it is possible. For me what has helped is having experiences that are different from ones that I was taught, which has helped me to develop healthier expectations.

I like this, thank you. When you put it that way, there is quite a lot that I trust someone with!

[Anonymous]

I was raised to be paranoid..Don't accept any favors - you'll owe people. Don't ever give away too much information in any way - so if you let people into your house, close off several rooms and put everything personal away. Don't say too much. If your windows are open speak quietly so neighbors can't hear what you're saying. Don't get involved. In anything. Ever.

Yeah, my mom is fracking nuts. I don't want to be like her. Nobody is close with her. People only talk to her because they feel sorry for her. I want different relationships than that. So I did things that felt uncomfortable. I left all the doors open. I blasted music even when the windows were open. I accepted favors sometimes. I help people when I see a need I can fulfill.

I'm happier doing this than I was when I followed my mother's rules.

[Anonymous]

Therapy helped me trust people after childhood abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have on the surface a lot of strong relationships but deep down I don’t trust anyone not to have bad intentions towards me. I was abused in my childhood so I am sure it stems from this but has anyone had a similar situation and overcome it?

What do you think is going to happen if you trust someone? Have you tried just with one person?

[Anonymous]

It’s very, very hard to be vulnerable when you’ve been hurt. I am struggling with that myself. However, I also know there is no other way to be truly happy.

[Anonymous]

I struggle with this personally but it's even more challenging if you're raising a child with someone who is uber paranoid and distrusting. I've had arguments with my spouse because they see things - everything! - in a very negative light - e.g. not trusting that people are "nice" for no reason and I'm worried that our child will pick that up. I truly don't want that. Even when you know the reasons why - it's still hard to deal with in a lot of areas of your life.