My 9 year old is wearing me out!!!

[Anonymous]

She is a good kid but so intense and is always talking. I don't want to shut her out and crush her spirit too much! She gets it out with friends at school but at home I feel like I still have a toddler sometimes. So talkative, has an opinion on everything and gets so cranky if does not get attention. Part of it is just her personality but frankly I am just tired. She annoys her sister (who is older) and I don't know what to do. She is just intense. After school activities help sometimes - she is too tired to talk but wants constant stimulation nevertheless, always asking for a playdate, calls her friends non-stop and if not doing that, will be glued to computer or TV. It is hard to get her to do anything on her own. Reads only in bed (before sleeping) and loves it but won't read just for fun.
I know it is not a big deal in a great scheme of things but I just feel too overwhelmed lately. Any advise?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she has too much free time and energy doesn't know what to do with it.
A few thoughts ...
- Is she athletic? What about a rec soccer team? They practice once or twice a week, games on the weekend. (And the costs aren't too high.)
- What about music lessons where she'd practice five times a week?
- Start a reading group with friends. They meet once a week, then they read the book and meet to discuss the following week.
- Dance lessons?

[Anonymous]

We are still trying to get our 12 year old DD to like reading...we have accepted she may never like it, but will at least have to do it. She reads for 30 minutes / day in addition to any school reading.

She also is expected to practice her instrument for 20 minutes on most days. Those two things give just enough structure to the night that there isn't a ton of time for Tv or the internet, but there is some time.

You can try requiring her to do that before any tv or computer use. We did that for a while, and have now transitioned to her reading right before bed for 30 minutes. She hates books when she starts them, but usually gets into them.

There are also these books called W.I.T.C.H. (its an acronym for a group of girl's names) that are kind of comic style novels. At 9 our DD loved them. We were just happy she was enjoying reading!

When I was younger my mom used to send us to our rooms for an hour a day and the rule was we had to entertain ourselves / play quietly, while she watched the Young and the Restless. Maybe you are making dinner instead of watching soaps, but giving her some discovery time might not be a bad thing. She may have to teach herself how to play solo at first, but eventually she'll find something to do for an hour or 30 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Same with my 8 year old boy. He is not very verbal, but EXTREMELY athletic. He wants to do all the sports all the time. He can't sit down for a second... He is a lovely boy, but he drives me crazy!...

[Anonymous]

It may help to have your child listen to books (or stories) on tape -- or on an iPod. Jim Weiss is a storyteller that has recorded amazing stories for children -- Greek myths, fairytales, Shakespeare, etc. A friend of mine's daughter did not like to read until she was 13 or 14. Until then, she spent lots of time listening to books and stories on tape. She is now an avid reader.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for suggestions. Actually she loves to read but won't do it until tucked into bed and then she can read for an hour each night, sometimes more. It is her constant need for interaction that was bugging me. She is already in art/athletic activities 4 times/week, I think she can handle more but I can't...

[Anonymous]

Makes me think of 2 adult female friends of mine who are so intense about everything they do, with great success. Their energy/drive/passion/focus can actually turn people off at times. I've sometimes wondered what they each were like as a child. I think your DD fits the bill. No advice - hand in there. She'll probably be have a rich and successful adulthood.

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post and I agree with the other posters.

Having such an intense child can be draining, especially if you are more of an introvert. Maybe it would be helpful for you to set aside a period of time each day that is yours, apart from your daughter .It is completely ok for you to tell her you need quiet time--just make sure the message is clear that this is due to your needs, not that she has done anything wrong.
It is good for your daughter to know that other people also have needs.

[Anonymous]

Something our psychologist told us is it is perfectly ok and actually good to tell kids how you are feeling.

Ie- Mommy is feeling very stressed right now. If you can give me some space for a bit, it will help me be calmer.

I still tell DD sometimes - look, you can probably tell I'm a little cranky tonight. A little space, and I'll be much more pleasant to be around.

She appreciates the warning, and its not said in a nasty way.

The idea is we are modeling feelings, acknowledging that we as adults do have bad days.