Dating rant

[Anonymous]

A couple years ago, I had two guys express interest. One was my hookup. He hadn’t been in a relationship in YEARS. I am not judging as my longest relationship is only 1.5 years and I am 32. The other guy, very marriage minded and very up front he wanted a relationship. Well, at that point in time, I was convinced I wanted a “traditional” relationship. I am a one person individual so I was up front with the hookup that I was seeing someone and it had ‘potential’ and I was all in...despite him reaching out several times.

I don’t know if it would have worked out with the hookup, but damn it has been a lingering ‘what if’ ever since I told him. Since I am a ‘one person’ person, I am annoyed I didn’t catch the red flag that he wasn’t out of my mind despite this new relationship and he never got out of my head throughout that relationship. We are very similar so I can also list out a hundred reasons why it would have probably not worked.

Then, I am like well that relationship taught you, you definitely don’t want a traditional relationship and likely don’t want to get married, so that was a good lesson to learn. Covid has further confirmed I have no desire to live with someone.

I was thinking about hookup dude today and guess who contacts me - the ex bf who I literally have no desire to ever get back with. He refuses to stay away and two years later, still pops up and wants another go. No dude, no.

There is (or was) just a chemistry with hookup guy that I have had with maybe one other person. It’s all very annoying and it doesn’t help that I am bored swiping through photo after photo on the apps.

[Anonymous]

Your post is confusing. Why can’t you just contact the hook up? Is he married or something?

[Anonymous]

Just call the hook up guy and say you want to hang out

[Anonymous]

Hookup definitely isn’t married.

I feel like he is hard to read sometimes, but maybe that is my insecurity. All and all, he is a pretty straight forward guy and I don’t feel would respond/hangout because he was worried he might hurt my feelings. He is just different in a very interesting way. We are also very similar. I know when I like someone, even if we are in fact dating, it takes me a while to get comfortable and express that.

[Anonymous]

OP again - honestly, I try really hard not to reach out. If I were to reach out, I would bet he would engage or maybe even hangout (at the beginning of Covid we both tried to hangout at different points and each got cold feet due to Covid).

But, I feel like it is easier to keep him out of mind and try to focus on dating other people. Today was just a low point of ‘what could have been’, ‘why is this ex-bf contacting me yet again’, and ‘I’m so bored of swiping through hundreds of guys, maybe/maybe not engaging in conversation and if there is a conversation, will that conversation leads to a conversation off the app’.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hookup definitely isn’t married.

I feel like he is hard to read sometimes, but maybe that is my insecurity. All and all, he is a pretty straight forward guy and I don’t feel would respond/hangout because he was worried he might hurt my feelings. He is just different in a very interesting way. We are also very similar. I know when I like someone, even if we are in fact dating, it takes me a while to get comfortable and express that.

All of this is nonsense and gibberish. Shoot your shot or shut up and live with regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again - honestly, I try really hard not to reach out. If I were to reach out, I would bet he would engage or maybe even hangout (at the beginning of Covid we both tried to hangout at different points and each got cold feet due to Covid).

But, I feel like it is easier to keep him out of mind and try to focus on dating other people. Today was just a low point of ‘what could have been’, ‘why is this ex-bf contacting me yet again’, and ‘I’m so bored of swiping through hundreds of guys, maybe/maybe not engaging in conversation and if there is a conversation, will that conversation leads to a conversation off the app’.

What do you mean, what could have been? Do you want a relationship with hook up guy? That doesn’t sound promising. He could have fought for that two years ago or anytime since. Or do you just want to hook up with him? He’s a man. He will likely hook up with you unless he fears drama on your end. You sound immature for your age. You sound like you are trying to convince yourself you don’t want relationships, you just want hook ups. I think deep down that is unlikely. But if true, you are a woman, so that is easy to achieve. And if all you wanted with hook up guy was a hook up, I doubt you would be fixated like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again - honestly, I try really hard not to reach out. If I were to reach out, I would bet he would engage or maybe even hangout (at the beginning of Covid we both tried to hangout at different points and each got cold feet due to Covid).

But, I feel like it is easier to keep him out of mind and try to focus on dating other people. Today was just a low point of ‘what could have been’, ‘why is this ex-bf contacting me yet again’, and ‘I’m so bored of swiping through hundreds of guys, maybe/maybe not engaging in conversation and if there is a conversation, will that conversation leads to a conversation off the app’.

What do you mean, what could have been? Do you want a relationship with hook up guy? That doesn’t sound promising. He could have fought for that two years ago or anytime since. Or do you just want to hook up with him? He’s a man. He will likely hook up with you unless he fears drama on your end. You sound immature for your age. You sound like you are trying to convince yourself you don’t want relationships, you just want hook ups. I think deep down that is unlikely. But if true, you are a woman, so that is easy to achieve. And if all you wanted with hook up guy was a hook up, I doubt you would be fixated like this.

No, I want more than a hookup. I know this. I do not want to live with someone though. I was a “living a part together” relationship. I have practically lived with two guys i was in serious relationships with...did all the boring stuff together that you do with someone you live with...I really do not enjoy it. And, I was deeply in love with one of these men. We literally broke up because he wanted a very traditional life - house in the suburbs, 9 to 5 job, he thought doing all the mundane things together was part of a LT relationship/marriage. I have zero desire for this at all.

[Anonymous]

“Doing all the mundane things together” IS a part of long-term relationships and marriage - that thought isn’t unique to your ex-BF. I don’t know, maybe you just haven’t met the right guy. But it’s unclear what you’re looking for — it sounds like you want exclusivity and monogamy without intertwining lives? But “hook-up guy” wasn’t able to offer you even that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Doing all the mundane things together” IS a part of long-term relationships and marriage - that thought isn’t unique to your ex-BF. I don’t know, maybe you just haven’t met the right guy. But it’s unclear what you’re looking for — it sounds like you want exclusivity and monogamy without intertwining lives? But “hook-up guy” wasn’t able to offer you even that.

Is it though? Why is that? Why can’t I have a LT partner who keeps their own house, finances, etc and I keep mine? Why do I need to see someone everyday? I would rather have quality time vs quantity. That’s not to say, you can’t help each other out, but I have no desire to have someone give their input on my living space, other mundane aspects of life.

[Anonymous]

Aparna, is that you

[Anonymous]

Dear diary....

[Anonymous]

sounds like someone just needs to get laid....like really needs a good d*ck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Doing all the mundane things together” IS a part of long-term relationships and marriage - that thought isn’t unique to your ex-BF. I don’t know, maybe you just haven’t met the right guy. But it’s unclear what you’re looking for — it sounds like you want exclusivity and monogamy without intertwining lives? But “hook-up guy” wasn’t able to offer you even that.

Is it though? Why is that? Why can’t I have a LT partner who keeps their own house, finances, etc and I keep mine? Why do I need to see someone everyday? I would rather have quality time vs quantity. That’s not to say, you can’t help each other out, but I have no desire to have someone give their input on my living space, other mundane aspects of life.

You can, and some people do. But that cuts off the possibility of dating men who want to get married and have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Doing all the mundane things together” IS a part of long-term relationships and marriage - that thought isn’t unique to your ex-BF. I don’t know, maybe you just haven’t met the right guy. But it’s unclear what you’re looking for — it sounds like you want exclusivity and monogamy without intertwining lives? But “hook-up guy” wasn’t able to offer you even that.

Is it though? Why is that? Why can’t I have a LT partner who keeps their own house, finances, etc and I keep mine? Why do I need to see someone everyday? I would rather have quality time vs quantity. That’s not to say, you can’t help each other out, but I have no desire to have someone give their input on my living space, other mundane aspects of life.

You can, and some people do. But that cuts off the possibility of dating men who want to get married and have children.

Also means you have to accept that your LT relationship maybe an open relationship.