Divorce when your kid is more attached to the other parent
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Anonymous
| I love my kid more than anything, but she is more attached to my partner (same sex couple). I worry we are headed for divorce, but it will break my heart if she is upset when it’s my turn for custody or if, when older, she asks to live with her other mom. I’m the birth parent, so everyone assumes she would prefer me, but she doesn’t. I’m fine with that when we are all together and, when she was an infant, I worked really hard to make sure that we spent the same amount of time with both parents. I worry that she’ll be sad if I have half custody (which, of course, is what I want). Ugh. I want her to be happy and it breaks my heart that spending 50% of her time with me will make her sad. |
Anonymous
| How old is your child? Who is the primary caretaker? It is very common for children to suddenly change their parental preference over time. It is also the case that they usually prefer the primary caretaker when they are little. If you play with your child, pay attention to them and listen to them, they will value you and want to be with you even if they might prefer the other parent. |
Anonymous
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Try not to let your child see your reaction, it's good for her to have a relationship with both parents. Even if you and your ex had stayed together, your child would go through different stages of who she prefers.
She will grow out of it as long as you stay calm and loving and don't take your emotional angst out on her. You will emerge with a great relationship with your adult child. -- speaking as someone who briefly lost respect for my mom post-divorce when I was a teen. We get along great now. |
Anonymous
| This may actually be a good opportunity to build your own strong relationship with your child. |
Anonymous
| My daughter preferred her dad when we got divorced (preschooler). I had been depressed and somewhat disengaged. After the divorce I had her half the time on my own and our relationship blossomed. A few years later we are now very close and she maintains a close bond with her dad as well. |
Anonymous
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"she is more attached to my partner"
I've heard this often enough that I wonder if it's simply adaptive. The partner with potentially weaker, non-biological attachment gets extra affection in order to strengthen the bond. Nothing to do with the child herself, it's just the way things are. |
Anonymous
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The reality is that some kids just click more with one parent than the other. Personalities and interests matter within family relationships too. Some kids just mesh better with one parent.
That doesn't mean though that you can't form a stronger bond and it would probably be easier to do that when the preferred parent isn't around. You can create some traditions that only happen at your house (chocolate chip pancakes for supper on Tuesdays) or the bike to the ice cream store. Create shared experiences. Do things with her that create memories. Those are things the two of you will have and they give you something to talk about. I was never close to my mother but I would say as adults we have a good relationship. We are really different people but we get along, stay in touch, see each other relatively often and appreciate what we do have (vs what we don't). |
Anonymous
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The most important thing to realize is that neither you nor your STBex partner should ever plan on having a new partner.
Reading other threads on DCUM will indicate that once you have a child, you should NOT expect to have another adult relationship. Reasoning is that your child should be considered the priority for the rest of your life. If your child, or your former partner, do not like your new partner then be prepared to break up and live a single life. |
Anonymous
This is THE MOST ridiculous thing I have ever read, and I hope you are being facetious, PP... |