Son wants to start working after undergraduate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my brother was a high school dropout with 4 kids when he finally went to college and then law School. The kids are grown and he's a partner in a law firm and doing well. The only formula to life is to follow what feels right to each person. There's no prescribed guarantee for success and no one perfect timeline. You had the chance to live your life the way you felt was best and now it's his turn to do the same.

Seriously though - men are the only ones I hear about going to grad school with 4 kids.

My friend went to law school with 5 kids and then got pregnant during law school. She does have a very supportive and involved husband.

I’m the person whose brother went to law school with five kids. His wife went to college after he was done, but some of the kids were grown by then. Then they divorced. My mom went to nursing school at a community college before I was born, but with five young kids at home. Very young kids. This was in the 60s when a two year degree actually took 2 yrs instead of 4 with all the prerequisite classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP still hasn't given her kid's major, has s/he?

I do not want to, because I already have given enough info to be identified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a great idea for him to work for a couple years and then evaluate whether he needs additional education to achieve his goals. Too many young people rush into advanced degrees.

Welcome to the emerging 20s. I worked as a secretary for a couple of years while I was figuring out what I wanted to do and I went back to get a PhD. Dd worked as a front desk associate at a hotel and in telephone sales before she figured out she wanted to get a masters in higher ed admin. Yes, it's possible that your kid could just get a retail clerk job and try to coast the rest of his life. It's also possible that he has to figure out what he wants to do first and then go about doing it.

Back in my day, people went to law school because they didn't know what else to do with their lives but they didn't necessarily want to be lawyers. Can you imagine paying for graduate education now - when your kid isn't really sure they want it and could end up dropping out anyway? My dd was not an enthusiastic college student which affected her ability to get into a good grad school. She now loves grad school and is doing really, really well. Knowing that this is what she needed to succeed in the field gave her the tenacity to get into school and work hard at it. But if she had gone right after undergrad? Well, that would probably be thousands of dollars down the drain.

I know you're worried about your kid. I would be too if he told me that. But don't assume that this is going to end badly. It's probably just a phase of his adult development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a great idea for him to work for a couple years and then evaluate whether he needs additional education to achieve his goals. Too many young people rush into advanced degrees.

Welcome to the emerging 20s. I worked as a secretary for a couple of years while I was figuring out what I wanted to do and I went back to get a PhD. Dd worked as a front desk associate at a hotel and in telephone sales before she figured out she wanted to get a masters in higher ed admin. Yes, it's possible that your kid could just get a retail clerk job and try to coast the rest of his life. It's also possible that he has to figure out what he wants to do first and then go about doing it.

Back in my day, people went to law school because they didn't know what else to do with their lives but they didn't necessarily want to be lawyers. Can you imagine paying for graduate education now - when your kid isn't really sure they want it and could end up dropping out anyway? My dd was not an enthusiastic college student which affected her ability to get into a good grad school. She now loves grad school and is doing really, really well. Knowing that this is what she needed to succeed in the field gave her the tenacity to get into school and work hard at it. But if she had gone right after undergrad? Well, that would probably be thousands of dollars down the drain.

I know you're worried about your kid. I would be too if he told me that. But don't assume that this is going to end badly. It's probably just a phase of his adult development.

OP here...I teared up reading this. I really hope you are right. A genuine understanding, even from an anonymous stranger online, does wonders to the heart!

[Anonymous]

I majored in English and Philosophy and now make 130k. He's fine, and he seems like he's motivated and a hard worker. Let him live his life, make his choices.

[Anonymous]

There are more than just STEM jobs. If he's bright he would qualify for the early careers program at my company, for example. We take a variety of majors. I have a liberal arts BA and make 200k in a corporate job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are more than just STEM jobs. If he's bright he would qualify for the early careers program at my company, for example. We take a variety of majors. I have a liberal arts BA and make 200k in a corporate job.

Would you mind sharing info on your company?

[Anonymous]

I don't want to talk about mine but it's very common. He needs to start going to his campus career fairs, that's where they look for candidates. Here is an example of a job at Capital One:

https://campus.capitalone.com/job/mclean/commercial-bank-rotation-program-associate-18-19/1786/10272268

[Anonymous]

It would be CRAZY for him to waste money and time on a graduate degree when he isnt sure what he wants/ Yes, he should graduate college, get a job, work, pay his own way. What grad program do you want him to even do?? Many are a waste of time and money

[Anonymous]

Stem is a generic and meaningless term people think impresses other people. If you did not pay for college and he has loans, it makes sense to work a few years. If you are not fully paying for graduate school, it makes sense to take a few years off and save some money. But, since you are STEM and like to brag, you should 100% pay for all of it if you are insisting he go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be CRAZY for him to waste money and time on a graduate degree when he isnt sure what he wants/ Yes, he should graduate college, get a job, work, pay his own way. What grad program do you want him to even do?? Many are a waste of time and money

Ditto. At first I thought the title of this thread was a typo. How could "son wants to start working after undergraduate" be a problem??? That's what I want my kids to do.

[Anonymous]

I majored in theatre, and made $18k my first year out of college. A few years later, I realized that living for art wasn't enough, went back to grad school and now make $400k. It will work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be CRAZY for him to waste money and time on a graduate degree when he isnt sure what he wants/ Yes, he should graduate college, get a job, work, pay his own way. What grad program do you want him to even do?? Many are a waste of time and money

Ditto. At first I thought the title of this thread was a typo. How could "son wants to start working after undergraduate" be a problem??? That's what I want my kids to do.

Yes, yes, yes. Many people work for a few years right after undergrad to get a sense of what they want their career to be. Dropping money for a graduate or professional program without any inkling of whether it's what they want to do, whether that degree is actually of value to move into that career path, or just because your mom is horrified you "only" have a bachelor's are all bad ideas (even if it's mom and dad's money). Particularly law school. Dear lord, do not drop six figures on a JD unless your kid actually wants to be a lawyer or you'll end up with a miserable associate who flames out in his third year or a contract document review attorney.

Let the kid graduate and get a job and see where it makes the best sense for him to go from there.

[Anonymous]

I worked 5 years after college having no idea what I wanted to do. After being repeatedly sexually harassed at work at my 2nd post-college job (nothing physical, but vulgar comments, assumptions I would always get coffee and not ever asking male colleagues at same level etc) I wanted a quick out. I realized all the jobs I found appealing required a graduate degree. I focused on public policy, took the GRE, was accepted with a full scholarship, and enrolled over the course of 8 months. It turns out I could have gone 4 months earlier (prior semester) but didn’t know my program considered applicants after the application date. Financially my career has been pretty good (about $95k 10 years later) and great work life balance. I also had 5 years early in life to build savings like 401 k. (First 2 years post college my salary was about $30k. I lived with my parents, rode the bus to work, and saved every penny.)

My DH took one year between college and grad school to work a random job (admin unrelated to his field) and apply to schools. He spent a year in his masters / phD program before switching to a different lab. His advisor kind of drew things out and my DH kind of lost motivation. At any rate, it took him 10 years to earn his PhD in physics. (Our first DD was born a year before he finished.) He was earning $20k as a TA and had no benefits. I often think I “enabled” him by being married. (We met in college and married about 6 years into his program - around the time I finished grad school.) He then did a 1.5 year post doc (renewed 6 months at a time) and a 2 year position as a contractor (renewed 4 months at s time). We couldn’t sell my studio or buy a home when we didn’t know what was next. Our older DD slept in a corner of our “living room” until she was 3. About 3 years ago (14 years after college) he started a really awesome position. Salary is good ($200k or so), he’s happy, good benefits etc. We had a second daughter 2 years ago.

But, he strongly feels if he’d worked for awhile he would have had more direction and clarity and finished sooner. We put off growing our family while he tried to pursue higher ed. For pride and his happiness a PhD was the right course but I think it will be awhile before it was the right financial decision vs working post college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked 5 years after college having no idea what I wanted to do. After being repeatedly sexually harassed at work at my 2nd post-college job (nothing physical, but vulgar comments, assumptions I would always get coffee and not ever asking male colleagues at same level etc) I wanted a quick out. I realized all the jobs I found appealing required a graduate degree. I focused on public policy, took the GRE, was accepted with a full scholarship, and enrolled over the course of 8 months. It turns out I could have gone 4 months earlier (prior semester) but didn’t know my program considered applicants after the application date. Financially my career has been pretty good (about $95k 10 years later) and great work life balance. I also had 5 years early in life to build savings like 401 k. (First 2 years post college my salary was about $30k. I lived with my parents, rode the bus to work, and saved every penny.)

My DH took one year between college and grad school to work a random job (admin unrelated to his field) and apply to schools. He spent a year in his masters / phD program before switching to a different lab. His advisor kind of drew things out and my DH kind of lost motivation. At any rate, it took him 10 years to earn his PhD in physics. (Our first DD was born a year before he finished.) He was earning $20k as a TA and had no benefits. I often think I “enabled” him by being married. (We met in college and married about 6 years into his program - around the time I finished grad school.) He then did a 1.5 year post doc (renewed 6 months at a time) and a 2 year position as a contractor (renewed 4 months at s time). We couldn’t sell my studio or buy a home when we didn’t know what was next. Our older DD slept in a corner of our “living room” until she was 3. About 3 years ago (14 years after college) he started a really awesome position. Salary is good ($200k or so), he’s happy, good benefits etc. We had a second daughter 2 years ago.

But, he strongly feels if he’d worked for awhile he would have had more direction and clarity and finished sooner. We put off growing our family while he tried to pursue higher ed. For pride and his happiness a PhD was the right course but I think it will be awhile before it was the right financial decision vs working post college.

Thank you for this awesome insight into how life works out for each person. I am glad I started this thread. Reading responses like this I am gaining invaluable experiences and I am not so afraid that my son may live an unhappy life. I guess I need to happily support his decision and just be there.