Your spouse’s net worth is not yours!

[Anonymous]

Such a weird topic. *Our* household net worth is X. When I think about *my* net worth as a single person it’s X divided by 2. I did not downshift in my career to be default parent until I was happy with X divided by 2, which was higher than the X I would have been happy with given additional costs of solo households.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Such a weird topic. *Our* household net worth is X. When I think about *my* net worth as a single person it’s X divided by 2. I did not downshift in my career to be default parent until I was happy with X divided by 2, which was higher than the X I would have been happy with given additional costs of solo households.

This no woman or man should "downshift their career" to take care of the family if you are not 1000% certain your partner thinks of it as "our net worth".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only way your spouse‘s net worth does not count is if you had a prenup. Otherwise, your spouse gets half of yours. So the divorce will be costly for both. It always is.

This. I am a SAHM with grown kids. No prenup. Married 30 years. Everything is jointly held. And yes, everything that we have earned, built, raised and launched is ours -jointly.

Only if you divorce.

All his money is his money and what he gives you is a gift not a legal obligation.

DP here. You just sound jealous. It’s sad that some people have no concept of a what a healthy marriage is like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Such a weird topic. *Our* household net worth is X. When I think about *my* net worth as a single person it’s X divided by 2. I did not downshift in my career to be default parent until I was happy with X divided by 2, which was higher than the X I would have been happy with given additional costs of solo households.

This no woman or man should "downshift their career" to take care of the family if you are not 1000% certain your partner thinks of it as "our net worth".

Exactly. In fact, I made this mistake. I stayed at home while the kids were little because their dad would not/could not juggle being a working parent, and when I returned to work I limited my career options to those that would allow me to still be the default parent while he went for his dream job that came with tons of travel.

The final straw was when I realized that he believed and would always believe it was more “his” money because he was the one with the bigger salary. We also started the marriage with nothing.

Divorce sucks, but living in a marriage with someone like that sucks more.

[Anonymous]

I make 7 figures a year. My wife made around 100k when she did work. She currently doesn't work. There is no my net worth and her net worth. It is most certainly our net worth. We are married we are equal partners in the partnership of marriage (I am not religious if that matters). She has full access to everything, I don't even look at the accounts. She could theoretically empty the accounts tomorrow and walk.

You are entitled to your opinion and to decide how you and your wife handle this. But a blanket statement that dictates how others handle it or should view it is absolutely ridiculous. It's also demeaning to spouses who contribute more than financially to a healthy sustainable long term relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Such a weird topic. *Our* household net worth is X. When I think about *my* net worth as a single person it’s X divided by 2. I did not downshift in my career to be default parent until I was happy with X divided by 2, which was higher than the X I would have been happy with given additional costs of solo households.

This no woman or man should "downshift their career" to take care of the family if you are not 1000% certain your partner thinks of it as "our net worth".

Exactly. In fact, I made this mistake. I stayed at home while the kids were little because their dad would not/could not juggle being a working parent, and when I returned to work I limited my career options to those that would allow me to still be the default parent while he went for his dream job that came with tons of travel.

The final straw was when I realized that he believed and would always believe it was more “his” money because he was the one with the bigger salary. We also started the marriage with nothing.

Divorce sucks, but living in a marriage with someone like that sucks more.

Sorry you had to deal with that! 25+ years ago I gave up a 100K+ job (so I was well on the path to an excellent career after only 5 years in the workforce out of college/Masters degree). But I would never have done that if I didn't have the full support of my spouse and knowledge that yes, what's his is ours and what's mine is ours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Such a weird topic. *Our* household net worth is X. When I think about *my* net worth as a single person it’s X divided by 2. I did not downshift in my career to be default parent until I was happy with X divided by 2, which was higher than the X I would have been happy with given additional costs of solo households.

This no woman or man should "downshift their career" to take care of the family if you are not 1000% certain your partner thinks of it as "our net worth".

Exactly. In fact, I made this mistake. I stayed at home while the kids were little because their dad would not/could not juggle being a working parent, and when I returned to work I limited my career options to those that would allow me to still be the default parent while he went for his dream job that came with tons of travel.

The final straw was when I realized that he believed and would always believe it was more “his” money because he was the one with the bigger salary. We also started the marriage with nothing.

Divorce sucks, but living in a marriage with someone like that sucks more.

Sorry you had to deal with that! 25+ years ago I gave up a 100K+ job (so I was well on the path to an excellent career after only 5 years in the workforce out of college/Masters degree). But I would never have done that if I didn't have the full support of my spouse and knowledge that yes, what's his is ours and what's mine is ours.

In the eyes of the law, the assets are 50/50. Especially with no prenup and having little to nothing at the beginning of the marriage. If you accept less than 50%, you are a fool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Such a weird topic. *Our* household net worth is X. When I think about *my* net worth as a single person it’s X divided by 2. I did not downshift in my career to be default parent until I was happy with X divided by 2, which was higher than the X I would have been happy with given additional costs of solo households.

This no woman or man should "downshift their career" to take care of the family if you are not 1000% certain your partner thinks of it as "our net worth".

Exactly. In fact, I made this mistake. I stayed at home while the kids were little because their dad would not/could not juggle being a working parent, and when I returned to work I limited my career options to those that would allow me to still be the default parent while he went for his dream job that came with tons of travel.

The final straw was when I realized that he believed and would always believe it was more “his” money because he was the one with the bigger salary. We also started the marriage with nothing.

Divorce sucks, but living in a marriage with someone like that sucks more.

Sorry you had to deal with that! 25+ years ago I gave up a 100K+ job (so I was well on the path to an excellent career after only 5 years in the workforce out of college/Masters degree). But I would never have done that if I didn't have the full support of my spouse and knowledge that yes, what's his is ours and what's mine is ours.

In the eyes of the law, the assets are 50/50. Especially with no prenup and having little to nothing at the beginning of the marriage. If you accept less than 50%, you are a fool.

I'm PP and happily married (over 30 years). Should things go differently in the future, I would go for 50%+ and accept nothing less. I'd also go for future earnings, as there is a delayed investment that should come to fruition in 3-5 years. I'd go for my 50% of that as well.
Then again, happily married so no issues. And I would Never accept not knowing and fully understanding our finances. Not a smart idea to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Such a weird topic. *Our* household net worth is X. When I think about *my* net worth as a single person it’s X divided by 2. I did not downshift in my career to be default parent until I was happy with X divided by 2, which was higher than the X I would have been happy with given additional costs of solo households.

This no woman or man should "downshift their career" to take care of the family if you are not 1000% certain your partner thinks of it as "our net worth".

Exactly. In fact, I made this mistake. I stayed at home while the kids were little because their dad would not/could not juggle being a working parent, and when I returned to work I limited my career options to those that would allow me to still be the default parent while he went for his dream job that came with tons of travel.

The final straw was when I realized that he believed and would always believe it was more “his” money because he was the one with the bigger salary. We also started the marriage with nothing.

Divorce sucks, but living in a marriage with someone like that sucks more.

Sorry you had to deal with that! 25+ years ago I gave up a 100K+ job (so I was well on the path to an excellent career after only 5 years in the workforce out of college/Masters degree). But I would never have done that if I didn't have the full support of my spouse and knowledge that yes, what's his is ours and what's mine is ours.

In the eyes of the law, the assets are 50/50. Especially with no prenup and having little to nothing at the beginning of the marriage. If you accept less than 50%, you are a fool.

I'm PP and happily married (over 30 years). Should things go differently in the future, I would go for 50%+ and accept nothing less. I'd also go for future earnings, as there is a delayed investment that should come to fruition in 3-5 years. I'd go for my 50% of that as well.
Then again, happily married so no issues. And I would Never accept not knowing and fully understanding our finances. Not a smart idea to do that.

People are just jealous of wealthy SAHMs who are happily married. They need to believe that we are “screwed” somehow.