Perfect guy but he makes less money than me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing: OP is stuck - if she marries BF, she will resent him for the rest of her life becacuse he doens't make enough. If she dumps him and marries someone making $400K and lives a life of material wealth, for the rest of her life, she'll pine for her one true love.

Given that OP is so materialistic, she screwed herself over by falling in love.

OP here. I’m not materialistic. I don’t buy fancy things, I don’t own any brand name clothes, and I don’t care about fancy vacations. I do care about living a comfortable life and giving any future children the opportunities I never had.

Like a mother young and healthy enough to be there?
And maybe a SAH father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A guy I’ve been dating is everything I want with the exception of his income. His income will likely never change and grow. I know money doesn’t equal happiness and it’s not super important in the grand scheme of things, but it’s important for the life I envision. I want the ability to stay at home when I have kids, give kids a comfortable life, retire, etc. Should I overlook it?

How is he perfect if you are judging his lack of income? Shake my head

[Anonymous]

If you want to give your future children opportunities that include private school and extracurriculars and interesting summer camps and vacations, then be willing to do it all. I overlooked my DH's income. I became the default parent and the breadwinner. I paid for private school and camps and sports all by myself. I knew he could earn more, but it ended up that he made a choice not to do so. It was not important to him. He thought I was being money-obsessed. He is not paying for their college either. I stayed at home for 5 years when my kids were young because I wanted to and I had the savings to do so. Our relationship ended. Not because of money. But it was certainly a factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

Then you will need to work or have him be a SAHD. Your mom chose to stay at home and look at how you suffered. By working and being married to the man of your dreams will reap rewards to your future children.

But you really do want a meal ticket, if you are wanting to retire in the next few years and pop out kids. Just admit it and let this man find a woman that will love all of him.

He’s not the man of her dreams though.

It sounds like you’re weirdly invested in gaslighting her into becoming HIS mealticket. If she stays with this guy she’d be the breadwinner and she’d be the default parent carrying all the stress of pregnancy and the mental load of raising a family.

We're all just shooting the breeze here but your friends in real life are not going to take you seriously when you call everything "gaslighting".

She makes double this guys salary and you’re calling her a gold digger and saying she’s looking for a meal ticket. That sounds exactly like the definition of gaslighting. You should look it up! The expression has a really interesting history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing: OP is stuck - if she marries BF, she will resent him for the rest of her life becacuse he doens't make enough. If she dumps him and marries someone making $400K and lives a life of material wealth, for the rest of her life, she'll pine for her one true love.

Given that OP is so materialistic, she screwed herself over by falling in love.

If she was in love, this wouldn't even be a question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

This problem will work itself out. You're only six years away from a geriatric pregnancy. It doesn't seem likely that you'll find someone that checks all of your boxes before then.

yep - op posts like she's 21-25

She should think about why she's single at nearly 30.

GMAFB. 30 is young.

Not if she wants kids. She's only got 6 years left.

Um, what? I hadn’t even met my dh at 36. Got married at 38, had two kids at 41 and 44. I won’t say it was easy, but op has more than six years left to have children.

You’re lucky it worked out. It’s not super common for women to get married to a decent guy in their late thirties and go on to have children in their forties. It’s amazing that it worked out for you, but it’s more of an exception to the rule.

OP is at an age where if she wants kids, she needs to be getting serious about having the right infrastructure in place to do that.

OP here. I’m 29 and I froze my eggs last year. I think I should be fine on the baby thing.

So in addition to wanting to be a stay at home for 5 years, you also will probably need to fund IVF. Cut the guy loose and go on your gold digging way. Gross

[Anonymous]

It's not necessarily that a man making less than a woman is the issue. It's not the amount. What I've found is that it is the chip on the shoulder that they carry about making less that becomes the issue. Women get called "gold diggers" but men tend to NOT like it the other way around.

[Anonymous]

OP, don’t let the haters get to you. They are probably sad little men. I think you should move on. It’s a little issue now that will grow much bigger over time. It sounds like you’ve worked really hard to build a life for yourself, and you want to have a family with someone who shares your values and priorities. This man is happy with earning $80k a year. His priorities do not align with yours. No judgment. It’s just a mismatch.

[Anonymous]

It’s easier to get $ than find a great guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

This problem will work itself out. You're only six years away from a geriatric pregnancy. It doesn't seem likely that you'll find someone that checks all of your boxes before then.

yep - op posts like she's 21-25

She should think about why she's single at nearly 30.

GMAFB. 30 is young.

Not if she wants kids. She's only got 6 years left.

Um, what? I hadn’t even met my dh at 36. Got married at 38, had two kids at 41 and 44. I won’t say it was easy, but op has more than six years left to have children.

You’re lucky it worked out. It’s not super common for women to get married to a decent guy in their late thirties and go on to have children in their forties. It’s amazing that it worked out for you, but it’s more of an exception to the rule.

OP is at an age where if she wants kids, she needs to be getting serious about having the right infrastructure in place to do that.

OP here. I’m 29 and I froze my eggs last year. I think I should be fine on the baby thing.

ha good luck

The OP is sounding more and more like a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, don’t let the haters get to you. They are probably sad little men. I think you should move on. It’s a little issue now that will grow much bigger over time. It sounds like you’ve worked really hard to build a life for yourself, and you want to have a family with someone who shares your values and priorities. This man is happy with earning $80k a year. His priorities do not align with yours. No judgment. It’s just a mismatch.

I think everyone agrees she should move on. So she ends up with exactly what she deserves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

This problem will work itself out. You're only six years away from a geriatric pregnancy. It doesn't seem likely that you'll find someone that checks all of your boxes before then.

yep - op posts like she's 21-25

She should think about why she's single at nearly 30.

GMAFB. 30 is young.

Not if she wants kids. She's only got 6 years left.

Um, what? I hadn’t even met my dh at 36. Got married at 38, had two kids at 41 and 44. I won’t say it was easy, but op has more than six years left to have children.

You’re lucky it worked out. It’s not super common for women to get married to a decent guy in their late thirties and go on to have children in their forties. It’s amazing that it worked out for you, but it’s more of an exception to the rule.

OP is at an age where if she wants kids, she needs to be getting serious about having the right infrastructure in place to do that.

OP here. I’m 29 and I froze my eggs last year. I think I should be fine on the baby thing.

ha good luck

The OP is sounding more and more like a troll.

She's the infamous CRNA poster

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

This problem will work itself out. You're only six years away from a geriatric pregnancy. It doesn't seem likely that you'll find someone that checks all of your boxes before then.

yep - op posts like she's 21-25

She should think about why she's single at nearly 30.

GMAFB. 30 is young.

Not if she wants kids. She's only got 6 years left.

Um, what? I hadn’t even met my dh at 36. Got married at 38, had two kids at 41 and 44. I won’t say it was easy, but op has more than six years left to have children.

I have 2 kids and was totally infertile by 35 due to losing every pregnancy conceived. Which, of course, is a common condition that is not solved by having younger eggs and there is no cure. OP has no idea if she'll be that person too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not looking for a meal ticket.

Age: I’m 29 and he’s 30.

Salary: I make base of $180k but can go up to $230k if I work OT. He makes $80k and his salary will not increase.

Outlook: I’m not sure if I would ever stay home but I want the option to take a couple of years off to raise my kids while they’re young.

I grew up in a large family where we didn’t have a lot of extra money. My dad was the sole provider while my mom took care of us. We couldn’t partake in after programs or extra curricular activities because we didn’t have the expendable income to cover it. I had to work 60 hour weeks and delay college so that I could save up and not take out so many student loans. I didn’t finish my degrees until 23 and 27 because of it.

I want to provide my kids with the opportunities I didn’t have. I want them to be able to partake in any activities they want, go on a family vacation, and pay for their college.

I’ve only ever dated men that have matched my salary or made more. It’s a new territory for me.

This problem will work itself out. You're only six years away from a geriatric pregnancy. It doesn't seem likely that you'll find someone that checks all of your boxes before then.

yep - op posts like she's 21-25

She should think about why she's single at nearly 30.

GMAFB. 30 is young.

Not if she wants kids. She's only got 6 years left.

Um, what? I hadn’t even met my dh at 36. Got married at 38, had two kids at 41 and 44. I won’t say it was easy, but op has more than six years left to have children.

You’re lucky it worked out. It’s not super common for women to get married to a decent guy in their late thirties and go on to have children in their forties. It’s amazing that it worked out for you, but it’s more of an exception to the rule.

OP is at an age where if she wants kids, she needs to be getting serious about having the right infrastructure in place to do that.

OP here. I’m 29 and I froze my eggs last year. I think I should be fine on the baby thing.

So in addition to wanting to be a stay at home for 5 years, you also will probably need to fund IVF. Cut the guy loose and go on your gold digging way. Gross

OP here. I’m not a gold digger. Wanting a guy that makes $100-150k is not a gold digger.

Freezing my eggs was a way for more to make sure I had more time and if I’m unable to conceive naturally. It doesn’t mean I will 100% need to use IVF. I have plenty of savings to fund it if I need it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. This site is so weird.

If I want to work and hire childcare, I’m a bad mother and I shouldn’t even have kids.

But

If I want to stay home and raise my kids in the early years, I’m a dependent, gold digger, and looking for a meal ticket.

Women can’t win.