Perfect guy but he makes less money than me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either you love him or you don't. My husband is 40 and makes 90k. I'm not mad about it. Apparently men with average incomes are supposed to die alone because we women are all too good for them?

They can marry women with similar incomes and lifestyle expectations

Those women all believe they deserve More and this isn't even new. My friends mom blew up her family over this in the early 2000s --her husband was just MC and she thought she was hot enough to trade up.

Did she succeed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A large part of your family's inability to pay for experiences for you and your siblings was having 6 kids. There aren't a lot of families of that did that can do that. Stick with one or two and you would be just fine on your income and a lower earning husband.

80k is really low. If I was OP, I would just have a child on my own and switch to more flexible job. She can live in apartment. But I wouldn’t be giving such a huge credit to a man who has no desire to become an equal partner. She wouldn’t need to split custody if they divorce, etc.

I know cases where female nurses and doctors were on hook for life time alimony to lower paid exHs.

80K is above average. Some people just live in a bubble.

Aha, then 180K that she makes is just luxurious and plenty. And she can afford to experience parenthood on her own

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A large part of your family's inability to pay for experiences for you and your siblings was having 6 kids. There aren't a lot of families of that did that can do that. Stick with one or two and you would be just fine on your income and a lower earning husband.

80k is really low. If I was OP, I would just have a child on my own and switch to more flexible job. She can live in apartment. But I wouldn’t be giving such a huge credit to a man who has no desire to become an equal partner. She wouldn’t need to split custody if they divorce, etc.

I know cases where female nurses and doctors were on hook for life time alimony to lower paid exHs.

80K is above average. Some people just live in a bubble.

Aha, then 180K that she makes is just luxurious and plenty. And she can afford to experience parenthood on her own

It's not luxurious but is way higher than the median household income. She could definitely afford a child on her own with that kind of money. OP's problem is that she wants a very specific lifestyle where she, not her husband, is the SAHP. And she doesn't even think that working part-time is an option.

[Anonymous]

When I was 30, I was making 56K and didn’t see any clear path to improve that too much. 10 years later I make 140K, not bragging by any means, but just saying that his salary can increase, just takes initiative

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister in law married someone with no ambition and who has gone through periods of unemployment with no urgency to get a job since she is his meal ticket. She makes about 200k and is somewhat resentful and miserable. You also need to be realistic about how far your income goes in the DMV. She got a 500k house in silver spring that’s too small for their current needs but they can’t move because rates have gone up so much - her equity has too, but that extra 100k in equity doesn’t make enough of a dent when rates are 8%. Daycare is also an absolutely huge expense to shoulder and it isn’t realistic you’ll be able to stay home. If these things will bother you don’t stay w this guy it isn’t fair to either of you. There are plenty of men out there, really.

Sounds he has two problems: a lazy guy who doesn't take care of his own children and a very expensive lifestyle. If you can't make it work with 200K you won't be able to make it work with more either as you'll just end up spending more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A guy I’ve been dating is everything I want with the exception of his income. His income will likely never change and grow. I know money doesn’t equal happiness and it’s not super important in the grand scheme of things, but it’s important for the life I envision. I want the ability to stay at home when I have kids, give kids a comfortable life, retire, etc. Should I overlook it?

I would not overlook this or be comfortable in this situation. I need a man who will take care of me financially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 30, I was making 56K and didn’t see any clear path to improve that too much. 10 years later I make 140K, not bragging by any means, but just saying that his salary can increase, just takes initiative

This depends a lot on the type of career/professional area you're in. In most professions, you hit the ceiling at way below 140K. 80K is a decent salary even though most people in DCUM will say it isn't. It's not fair to date someone expecting that they will return to school or take a career path they're not interested in just because you wanna sit at home. OP should either find a high earning man and hope he's a good partner or accept that she won't be a SAHM under her current expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A guy I’ve been dating is everything I want with the exception of his income. His income will likely never change and grow. I know money doesn’t equal happiness and it’s not super important in the grand scheme of things, but it’s important for the life I envision. I want the ability to stay at home when I have kids, give kids a comfortable life, retire, etc. Should I overlook it?

I would not overlook this or be comfortable in this situation. I need a man who will take care of me financially.

Are you a sugar baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister in law married someone with no ambition and who has gone through periods of unemployment with no urgency to get a job since she is his meal ticket. She makes about 200k and is somewhat resentful and miserable. You also need to be realistic about how far your income goes in the DMV. She got a 500k house in silver spring that’s too small for their current needs but they can’t move because rates have gone up so much - her equity has too, but that extra 100k in equity doesn’t make enough of a dent when rates are 8%. Daycare is also an absolutely huge expense to shoulder and it isn’t realistic you’ll be able to stay home. If these things will bother you don’t stay w this guy it isn’t fair to either of you. There are plenty of men out there, really.

Sounds he has two problems: a lazy guy who doesn't take care of his own children and a very expensive lifestyle. If you can't make it work with 200K you won't be able to make it work with more either as you'll just end up spending more.

She, not he.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:99% of Americans do not earn 180$ a year. This is the weirdest question i have ever read on DCUM.

This is spectacularly false. It’s not even a top 10% income in a lot of places anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either you love him or you don't. My husband is 40 and makes 90k. I'm not mad about it. Apparently men with average incomes are supposed to die alone because we women are all too good for them?

They can marry women with similar incomes and lifestyle expectations

Those women all believe they deserve More and this isn't even new. My friends mom blew up her family over this in the early 2000s --her husband was just MC and she thought she was hot enough to trade up.

Did she succeed?

Yes, for a short while, until she got older. She's now alone in assisted living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:99% of Americans do not earn 180$ a year. This is the weirdest question i have ever read on DCUM.

This is spectacularly false. It’s not even a top 10% income in a lot of places anymore.

Which are the places where 180k is not in the top 10%?

[Anonymous]

Option 1: Stay with him and always have his income in the back of your mind as a reason you're annoyed and he's not good enough.

Option 2: Leave him and he'll always be the one you think about that got away.

I suggest you leave him so he can find someone that values him. He deserves the opportunity to find someone else and not be locked into a relationship like this.

[Anonymous]

Commit to overtime for the next two years and learn to live off his salary. That could give you a nice buffer for 5 - 6 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend in the DMV who is a SAHM with a husband who makes about $150K. They live in a decent house in a marginal DMV neighborhood (that they've not been able to maintain) and struggle to get by, as in their kids don't go to camp, dance lessons, music lessons, join soccer teams, etc... They only have one car. They don't take even domestic vacations. The whole SAHM is a bad idea if the mom has the ability to out earn a nanny.

Lol clearly they are struggling. No camp! The horror!