How would you respond if somebody asked you a question that you didn't want to answer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lie by omission is still a lie.

You are confused. Not answering a question is not a lie by omission.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted above to recommend "why do you ask?" because some people should examine their need to know.

But in some cases, particularly yes/no questions, not answering seems like an admission. Say an acquaintance/neighbor asks one of these and you brush it off:
- has Larlo graduated yet, or is he starting his 6th year of college?
- How is DH's sobriety going?
- Did Larla apply for the magnet program/private school?
- Are you applying for that job in the other department?
Not answering makes it sound like Larlo and DH are still struggling, and yes, Larla definitely did get that application in, and you're definitely applying for the job.

What do you guys say then?

When it came to my kids and the endless round of college one up manship questions, I hid. Literally. Hid in different aisles in the grocery store, headed the other way in the park, took off to the back yard when I was in my front yard. Hell, I almost bought a disguise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Why do you ask?”

Usually catches people off guard.

To which they would answer: "why not?"

You learned nothing from your parents.

"Because" on an endless loop.

[Anonymous]

I’m vague. “Oh, I don’t know…” or “oh I’ll check, not sure” or “what? Could you repeat? Oh sorry hold on a sec- LARLO DO YOU NEED A SNACK?” (Walk off distractedly)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted above to recommend "why do you ask?" because some people should examine their need to know.

But in some cases, particularly yes/no questions, not answering seems like an admission. Say an acquaintance/neighbor asks one of these and you brush it off:
- has Larlo graduated yet, or is he starting his 6th year of college?
- How is DH's sobriety going?
- Did Larla apply for the magnet program/private school?
- Are you applying for that job in the other department?
Not answering makes it sound like Larlo and DH are still struggling, and yes, Larla definitely did get that application in, and you're definitely applying for the job.

What do you guys say then?

“Oh, you know…! Life is complicated! Hey wanna grab a drink?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you say that?

I am not the op but yes someone in my life keeps asking me "How are you feeling about xx being away?" She is known to fish for information and pot stir. This is about my daughter going to college. It seems like she is fishing for me to say either I am devastated or if I am not devastated enough she will read into that I do not care. She has asked me already and I answered but keeps sending me the same question every few days. Maybe it is being nice but based on her history of fishing for info etc. and repeating everything I say to be later scutinized I am not sure how to answer?

That's why this post is here. So many people have an agenda that isn't nice and you know when they are talking to you. I would call her out. Frankly Jen, you gossipy worthless b who needs to get a job, why are you obsessed with this? You have asked me multiple times. What is going on in your life? If she calls, you have to go. If she's texting ignore 90%. If she's in front of you, you have to go.

[Anonymous]

Change the topic. Or ask a different question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Why do you ask?”

Usually catches people off guard.

To which they would answer: "why not?"

You learned nothing from your parents.

"Because" on an endless loop.

I learned not to be paranoid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say, Why do you ask?

This is a stupid response. People ask because they're curious.

I was going to recommend "Why would you ask that?" It calls them out for their "curiosity" aka nosiness.

This is something that SIL would do, but she is slightly paranoid. We are not close, and she has no long term friends.

I would add, the question would be totally innocuous.

So follow her social cues and leave her alone. Say hello and goodbye and please pass the potatoes. She’s not interested in a close relationship with you. And that’s fine.

Ew. She sounds terribly rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Why do you ask?”

Usually catches people off guard.

and it gives you a moment to think of other questions to hit them with.

I've taught my kids this - they don't have to answer questions friends or adults ask. We've had lots of adults try to get information about our salaries etc. People need to learn this skill. When our family moved to a new neighborhood, there were different dads who were tasked with the job of finding out the scoop about neighbors. One was aggressive and my dh was so stunned he seemed to be in an interview. I asked him why he was grilling us. The other dad was so fake nice we had no clue he was information gathering. I recognize it more quickly now and usually shut it down by hitting the asker with 10 questions and ignore their questions. The reality is most people want to talk about themselves and it's so easy to get them answering questions for you.

Got it. Anyone nice is "fake nice" and/opr a gossip. I can't imagine living this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Why do you ask?”

Usually catches people off guard.

To which they would answer: "why not?"

You learned nothing from your parents.

"Because" on an endless loop.

I learned not to be paranoid.

You are clueless socially. If you made a remark like that to me I'd tell you to shove off. No one owes you and explanation or answer to anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Why do you ask?”

Usually catches people off guard.

To which they would answer: "why not?"

You learned nothing from your parents.

"Because" on an endless loop.

I learned not to be paranoid.

You are clueless socially. If you made a remark like that to me I'd tell you to shove off. No one owes you and explanation or answer to anything.

You are terribly rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Why do you ask?”

Usually catches people off guard.

and it gives you a moment to think of other questions to hit them with.

I've taught my kids this - they don't have to answer questions friends or adults ask. We've had lots of adults try to get information about our salaries etc. People need to learn this skill. When our family moved to a new neighborhood, there were different dads who were tasked with the job of finding out the scoop about neighbors. One was aggressive and my dh was so stunned he seemed to be in an interview. I asked him why he was grilling us. The other dad was so fake nice we had no clue he was information gathering. I recognize it more quickly now and usually shut it down by hitting the asker with 10 questions and ignore their questions. The reality is most people want to talk about themselves and it's so easy to get them answering questions for you.

Got it. Anyone nice is "fake nice" and/opr a gossip. I can't imagine living this way.

Good for you. I really like the way your write. I'd bet you could do stand up or be a psychologist. What do you do for a living?
Wow, that's a cool job. Did that require a specialized degree? You know college debt can really hurt. Are you doing ok? ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Why do you ask?”

Usually catches people off guard.

To which they would answer: "why not?"

You learned nothing from your parents.

"Because" on an endless loop.

I learned not to be paranoid.

You are clueless socially. If you made a remark like that to me I'd tell you to shove off. No one owes you and explanation or answer to anything.

You are terribly rude.

You are wrong. The rude person is the one who thinks people owe them things - including information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Why do you ask?”

Usually catches people off guard.

and it gives you a moment to think of other questions to hit them with.

I've taught my kids this - they don't have to answer questions friends or adults ask. We've had lots of adults try to get information about our salaries etc. People need to learn this skill. When our family moved to a new neighborhood, there were different dads who were tasked with the job of finding out the scoop about neighbors. One was aggressive and my dh was so stunned he seemed to be in an interview. I asked him why he was grilling us. The other dad was so fake nice we had no clue he was information gathering. I recognize it more quickly now and usually shut it down by hitting the asker with 10 questions and ignore their questions. The reality is most people want to talk about themselves and it's so easy to get them answering questions for you.

Got it. Anyone nice is "fake nice" and/opr a gossip. I can't imagine living this way.

Good for you. I really like the way your write. I'd bet you could do stand up or be a psychologist. What do you do for a living?
Wow, that's a cool job. Did that require a specialized degree? You know college debt can really hurt. Are you doing ok? ...

You sound sane.