Feel like I can't talk to DH about BFPs because of losses

[Anonymous]

We are TTC a second child, and we've had several early losses. Each time, DH takes them so hard ... it's not that I don't want him to care, but the cycle of him getting excited and then devastated is so upsetting for both of us. So I am hesitant to tell him about positive tests, and then hesitant to break the news about a loss: I end up holding info for a few days each time and feel very alone in it. Do I just suck it up and talk to the internet instead?

FWIW, got a very faint BFP today at 11 dpo. It may be another CP. I'm not telling him, but that feels weird because it's all I'm thinking about right now.

I'd love advice but mostly I'm venting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are TTC a second child, and we've had several early losses. Each time, DH takes them so hard ... it's not that I don't want him to care, but the cycle of him getting excited and then devastated is so upsetting for both of us. So I am hesitant to tell him about positive tests, and then hesitant to break the news about a loss: I end up holding info for a few days each time and feel very alone in it. Do I just suck it up and talk to the internet instead?

FWIW, got a very faint BFP today at 11 dpo. It may be another CP. I'm not telling him, but that feels weird because it's all I'm thinking about right now.

I'd love advice but mostly I'm venting.

Stop testing so early! Wait until a week after a missed period and then test.

[Anonymous]

I didn't tell DH until I was like 8 weeks. I had a hunch at 4 weeks, tested at 6, and then tested again at 8 weeks.

[Anonymous]

No, he’s making a baby too. It’s not your responsibility to shield him from hard information and make it even harder on yourself. You deal with your emotions, not his and yours.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, op. I get it. When I had our first bfp when trying for #2 I went all in on sharing the news with dh and it was so hard when it turned out to be a blighted ovum. I was much more low-key the next time, and treated it like a "possibility" for weeks. I understand where you're coming from. If it makes sense to keep it to yourself for a couple of weeks until you understand better what's happening, I think that's okay. Big hugs.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP - stop testing until after your period is due.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hugs, op. I get it. When I had our first bfp when trying for #2 I went all in on sharing the news with dh and it was so hard when it turned out to be a blighted ovum. I was much more low-key the next time, and treated it like a "possibility" for weeks. I understand where you're coming from. If it makes sense to keep it to yourself for a couple of weeks until you understand better what's happening, I think that's okay. Big hugs.

I agree with this poster that you could keep it to yourself for a bit - for me personally that would be a week or so. I wouldn’t want to carry the burden of excitement and worry alone longer then that but know it’s so hard to manage two peoples emotions.

[Anonymous]

OP did you talk to your OB? My friend had this issue and it had something to do with her progesterone levels or something similar.

[Anonymous]

Just test after a missed period.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP, saw this come up in recent topics. Thanks for the responses. I'm currently 5 weeks along and plan to tell him at 6 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Tell him when you want to. Truthfully this part is about you and your feelings. If you want support or don’t need it. Dh travels a lot and I also never told him right away (different problem, zero miscarriages just never pregnant and it took years). I had waited so long it was so special both times I told. (TTC #3 unsuccessfully now)