Adult cousin with a personality disorder

[Anonymous]

My cousin and I are both 50. We are three weeks apart in age. We are both white women. I have one sister four years older. She has one sister four years ago. In the early 1990s my cousin moved to LA. Her family still financially supports her. Her father bought her a new car last year. She has fits of uncontrollable rage, which have caused her to be thrown out of a bar now and then.

Years ago, I suggested to her when I blocked her calls and emails, that she had a personality disorder requiring medication. I went peaceful years without seeing or talking to her. Unfortunately I mistakenly posted when I was in Anaheim for a work conference. She showed up. I had no choice but to be polite to her. I was afraid she would cause a scene.

I am just wondering why no one in our immediate or extended family thinks she needs mental health help besides me. I tried visiting her a few months ago. Her place was a disaster, hoarding seemed to be a problem, stuff on every possible space. She has a young adult daughter. The trip included her my cousin flying into a fit of rage while she was driving.

I don't know what else I can do. I didn't want to not speak to her for years.

[Anonymous]

I meant to write she has a sister four years younger. The three of us including my sister, four years older, were all very close growing up, like sisters. It has been difficult for me, watching my cousin have a tough time in life with her choices.

[Anonymous]

If you are saying you saw her RECENTLY (conference accidentally, a visit??) and she has issues then you could bring up an intervention with you, your sister and her sister.

Or might be best to MYOB, these things get ugly, can really drag you down, and ultimately don’t help anything.

She will have to decide to change and get help. Not you for her.

[Anonymous]

I would avoid her, permanently... The others probably agree with you but don't want to intervene, don't see it as their problem or family responsibility, or enable it.

[Anonymous]

It never goes well to tell someone with a personality disorder they have one. Even a seasoned therapist would tread very lightly and wait to move in that direction. When you confront someone about considering therapy you want to do it as an equal and make sure it is not all condescending. You cannot force someone into therapy. They have to want help.

All you can do is set boundaries and stick with them.

[Anonymous]

what is your question op?

[Anonymous]

I have relatives with PD. Boundaries is all you can do.

Meds actually don’t help much, DPT therapy can help if they want to get better, but doubt that will be an issue until her parents are gone and money runs out.

Do not get involved. Sounds like BPD, from the rage. I’m sure the family has tried things but realize they don’t really get better.

[Anonymous]

OP, stop going in and out of her life. Being polite in her presence is obvious. You seeking her out (going to her home) is not acceptable if you're interested in staying in a relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, stop going in and out of her life. Being polite in her presence is obvious. You seeking her out (going to her home) is not acceptable if you're interested in staying in a relationship with her.

She invited me to stay. Her daughter wanted me to attend a play she was in. She lives in LA. No one just shows up at her place uninvited.