Does the feeling of being a parent decrease with the number of children had?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone had a relative or themselves that could share if the feeling of being a parent of a large number of children has a different feeling than when you had less?

For someone like Michelle Duggar with 19 kids, I wonder if there is a magic number where it started to feel different or if it always feels like you are the parent even with 19 kids.

[Anonymous]

I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

[Anonymous]

I do really wonder with someone with 19 kids. Clearly the older ones were parenting the younger ones.

[Anonymous]

Um, it’s the reverse. A) it lasts longer, because successive child tacks on at least another year to the magic number 18. B) having more than one child means mediating sibling conflict and teaching them to resolve it, then turning around and breaking it up yet again. That doesn’t happen with 1, and it still happens with 8 (btdt). C) with each successive child, carving out individual time is even more important and precious. D) having older siblings help does not mean that a parent is not parenting. I don’t know anything about a family with 19 kids, but I’d guess that the parents’ priority isn’t parenting, and it’s likely always been that way. I know a few families with 9-12 kids, and the kids are their parents’ priority. Yes, their older kids help, but it’s help, not parenting. As they get older, the kids help out more around the house, with the cars, with pets, with the yard and in the garden. They’re rarely asked to babysit, let alone taking on parenting roles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

[Anonymous]

I felt more like a parent with two than with one. Or just happier, perhaps? As an only child, I did not want to have one child. It's a lonely existence. I wish I could have had more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt more like a parent with two than with one. Or just happier, perhaps? As an only child, I did not want to have one child. It's a lonely existence. I wish I could have had more kids.

I wish my parents had stopped at one kid. They really didn't want a second and always treated us differently. My only is happy to be an only and get all the attention from us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

Well, it only adds more responsibility to the older kids if we were to put the older kids in charge of the younger ones. But if we do that for any longer than a half hour, we pay them to babysit and they are welcome to say no to the job offer. We have a nanny, so between the nanny, my husband and I we don't rely on other families to drive or babysit.

[Anonymous]

I’m the youngest in a big fanily. I think with lots of kids, you just always need to winnow down what you are going to do. My mom did not out me to bed every night and she typically wasnt the one washing my hair or giving me baths, didn’t really micromanage my college applications or selection. But she was at every dumb orchestra concert, every PtA meeting, knew my friends and their parents, stayed up waiting every night I was out with friends (well, sometimes she was asleep in a chair snoring until I opened the door...).
If you’ve got 10 kids of whatever, you clearly are going to have to delegate some stuff. People are so weird about the “older sister parenting” stuff...is it a big deal that one of my older sister’s chores was to give me a bath? Neither of us thinks so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

Well, it only adds more responsibility to the older kids if we were to put the older kids in charge of the younger ones. But if we do that for any longer than a half hour, we pay them to babysit and they are welcome to say no to the job offer. We have a nanny, so between the nanny, my husband and I we don't rely on other families to drive or babysit.

They cannot say no and it does add responsibility to them. You have a nanny so if you are working, how much time does each get with you daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the youngest in a big fanily. I think with lots of kids, you just always need to winnow down what you are going to do. My mom did not out me to bed every night and she typically wasnt the one washing my hair or giving me baths, didn’t really micromanage my college applications or selection. But she was at every dumb orchestra concert, every PtA meeting, knew my friends and their parents, stayed up waiting every night I was out with friends (well, sometimes she was asleep in a chair snoring until I opened the door...).
If you’ve got 10 kids of whatever, you clearly are going to have to delegate some stuff. People are so weird about the “older sister parenting” stuff...is it a big deal that one of my older sister’s chores was to give me a bath? Neither of us thinks so.

Your parent not sibling should bathe you. It’s part of spending time with your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

lol aren't you dumping your kid off with a nanny, playdates, family, ride share, daycare, and currently summer camp? Seems like you do more dumping than anyone else. When are you even with your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

Well, it only adds more responsibility to the older kids if we were to put the older kids in charge of the younger ones. But if we do that for any longer than a half hour, we pay them to babysit and they are welcome to say no to the job offer. We have a nanny, so between the nanny, my husband and I we don't rely on other families to drive or babysit.

They cannot say no and it does add responsibility to them. You have a nanny so if you are working, how much time does each get with you daily.

Maybe you had your own bad experience being the oldest of several or you've watched this play out in your social circle, I don't know. But my older kids can and HAVE said no. And how much time my kids get with me is none of your business. You raise your kids the way you want. I'll raise mine the way I want. I'm sure ALL our kids will turn out just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

Well, it only adds more responsibility to the older kids if we were to put the older kids in charge of the younger ones. But if we do that for any longer than a half hour, we pay them to babysit and they are welcome to say no to the job offer. We have a nanny, so between the nanny, my husband and I we don't rely on other families to drive or babysit.

They cannot say no and it does add responsibility to them. You have a nanny so if you are working, how much time does each get with you daily.

Maybe you had your own bad experience being the oldest of several or you've watched this play out in your social circle, I don't know. But my older kids can and HAVE said no. And how much time my kids get with me is none of your business. You raise your kids the way you want. I'll raise mine the way I want. I'm sure ALL our kids will turn out just fine.

You are expecting them to help then. First you say that you aren't having them help and now you are saying that you are. I feel bad for you kids as you aren't doing 1-1 time and the siblings and nanny are raising them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have six. No, I always feel like the parent. Not sure why I wouldn't - each kid just adds more responsibility.

It adds more responsibility to the kids as often the older kids raise them and you dump them off on other families to drive, babysit, etc as well.

Well, it only adds more responsibility to the older kids if we were to put the older kids in charge of the younger ones. But if we do that for any longer than a half hour, we pay them to babysit and they are welcome to say no to the job offer. We have a nanny, so between the nanny, my husband and I we don't rely on other families to drive or babysit.

They cannot say no and it does add responsibility to them. You have a nanny so if you are working, how much time does each get with you daily.

Maybe you had your own bad experience being the oldest of several or you've watched this play out in your social circle, I don't know. But my older kids can and HAVE said no. And how much time my kids get with me is none of your business. You raise your kids the way you want. I'll raise mine the way I want. I'm sure ALL our kids will turn out just fine.

You are expecting them to help then. First you say that you aren't having them help and now you are saying that you are. I feel bad for you kids as you aren't doing 1-1 time and the siblings and nanny are raising them.

What I said was that it is my responsibility to parent all my kids, but if I need an older kid to watch a younger for a half hour or less, they don't get paid and they can't say no. But if I need them to babysit for more than a half hour they CAN say no, and if they say yes they get paid for babysitting. They have said no many times. You don't have to feel bad for my kids. You should feel bad for yourself for having such a narrow impression of what other people's lives MUST be based on zero facts.