SPD child loses it the minte we leave the school building.

[Anonymous]

My 3 year old daughter recently started preschool in a special ed classroom. She has been evaluated and was found to have SPD and most like auditory processing disorder. She has always had issues with transitioning from one activity to another and I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up being labeled with ADHD (she is too young right now)

Transition has gone as expected. She has some adjustment difficulty in the morning but is calming down quickly now. But when I pick her up she turns into a different child. What presents itself as anxiety and tears in the morning turns into massive tantrums, screaming fits and complete lack of compliance in the afternoon. I am starting to dread the actual pick-up time because I also need to pick up my other special needs kid from another school. She has accompanied me to pick him up for 18 months now so this is not new to her and yet she refuses just make that short walk to his classroom without maximum screaming.

I know that it is likely because she keeps it all bottled up until she sees me again, but I just don't seem to find a way to get it under control. I've tried positive reinforcement, ignoring her behavior, giving her more time but it always ends up being the same. By the time we get to my son's school I am exhausted. Her processing at that point is very delayed and she doesn't understand most of what I am saying.

Does anyone have any advice? I am always looking forward to seeing my kids again but this is just so difficult to deal with. Once we get home or to the playground she typically gets calmer because I am able to provide her with much better sensory input.

[Anonymous]

Is there any chance she is hungry? I know it sounds so simplistic, but with my child, everything is better at pick up time if I hand him a protein snack, like a cheese stick.

[Anonymous]

Also -- you say she has to make a short walk to the other school. Do you have her in a stroller? Maybe a little snack in a stroller while you go and pick up your son? I don't care what people might think or say, kids are tired at the end of a hard day, and you have a time deadline -- you have to get your other child by a certain time, right?

[Anonymous]

My son was in PAC (Preschool Autism Class) in Fairfax County and would tantrum every day at pick up and drop off - until I started having him ride the bus. His teachers told me that most of the kids love riding the bus and that it's often the highlight of their day. Sometimes I have trouble getting him on the bus in the morning if he's busy playing with a toy and doesn't want to stop when the bus arrives, but usually he's great about it.
If riding the bus is an option, you should really consider it. The driver and attendants on the buses are really nice and very good to the kids/

[Anonymous]

How about get to her school a little early and give her some of the sensory input she is craving?

[Anonymous]

I feel for you. Two of my kids have SPD and ADHD and what you describe is very familiar. I agree that giving your DD something to eat when you walk out might be helpful, not just because she may be hungry but also to give her something to look forward to. We've found chocolate milk, fruit roll up, the 100 cal bags of cookies, etc. incredibly motivating. Some people may look at it as a bribe but if your DD is ADHD you'll find that many of them have temporal blindness - meaning delayed gratification is a concept they probably wont' get until their 30. If she knows she can get something in the present, she's likely to be better able to keep it together until you can get your other child. We also use those gold chocolate coins a lot. They can get a small one right now and a big one after we do X. But, you also have to define the parameters that allow her to get one. She can't throw a fit and get a treat.
With my youngest (age 3), we use Dum Dum lollipops a lot. There isn't much he wouldn't do for a lollipop and if he were your DD, I could give him one when we left the school and he'd be fine as long as it lasted.

You need to do what works. As long as it's not over the top, predictable, attainable in the near/immediate future and acceptable to you, you can build a routine that will help make these transitions easier for you both. Good luck. I know how hard and draining this is.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks everyone, you gave me a lot to consider! I guess I just always assumed she could not be hungry since they literally finish snack time when I pick her up, but she does seem to crave snacks a lot as soon as we get home, so I will definitely try that. Especially those snack packs seem to be something she enjoys. I'll also consider the lollipops since she clearly calms down with adequate oral stimulation.

Yes, I have to pick my other kid up on time because he is autistic and is now having a grasp of time so he is getting very agitated himself if I don't make it there on time.

We considered the bus but the schools are both only 2 and 5 mins away from the school so we don't qualify and the bus services in DC tend to be a little unreliable.

Stroller is something I may consider in the worst case scenario, she is extremely tall for her age so she has outgrown most strollers. We don't actually walk to the other school, I was referring to the walk to the car as I pick her up and drive over to my son's school.

If worst comes to worst I will definitely consider picking her up even earlier than I do now to give her a few mins of intense sensory input in order to ease transition.

Thanks again, this is really helpful! I found it so ironic that I struggle with this a lot more with her than I did with my son, it definitely makes me realize that their needs are just entirely different. The biggest struggle is that she has very good expressive language abilities but completely shuts down on the receptive end as soon as I show up. It's like she literally cannot process it anymore.

I will keep you updated.

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP. I'm a new poster on this thread and I just wanted to say that many of us have been there and it is really stressful. Our child is helped a lot by an immediate protein snack (cheese stick, pb & J cut into a cute shape, etc.) or a granola bar. Don't worry about what other parents might think (use of bribe, etc.) ... they have no idea how different our kids can be and what would make matters worse for their kids' behavior just doesn't apply to ours. Again, best wishes!

[Anonymous]

This type of meltdown when they see you is very common with SPD kids. It isn't about throwing a tantrum and getting a treat. Our OT says that many SPD kids wait until they are with the people they trust most to express all the anxiety and stress they have been bottling up. With SPD it is very difficult to take in everything from preschool and be processing it all day.

When our son first got diagnosed with SPD he was like this every day even if I brought a his protein snack. After a few months of OT and just maturity as he got older we have seen a big improvement. A snack is still necessary since sometimes he doesn't eat much at school. Yesterday it happened because another kid had been a bit rough with our son and destroyed his block project and it made him really really sad. Of course this part didn't come out until later after the tantrum.

I really feel for you OP. hang in there. I would be careful about offering food with lots of sugar. In my experience and confirmed my our OT, SPD kids do much better with very little sugar and no artificial colorings at all. If you really do want a sweeter treat, try the lollipoops from whole foods that use fruit and natural flavorings instead of artificial colorings. If your child needs oral stimulation you can also try chewy tubes, thick fruit smoothie to suck through a straw, crackers which gives deep pressure in the mouth, also do you remember those buzzy stars that infants can have for teething. Our 3 year old loves that. In very stressful situations he bites down on it hard to get the vibration in his mouth and it does wonders to calm him. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I just want to commend OP for being about the only poster in 5 years of DCUM who correctly spelled "loses (it)" instead of I Am About to Loose It!!!! to How Do I Loose the Weight???????

Thank you for caring.

[Anonymous]

OP here, aww thanks PP, unfortunately I misspelled the word "minute" and it really bugged me

Thanks everyone for your replies, it is comforting to know that this is really more a symptom of SPD than it is a sign that she is overwhelmed with school. I hope that maturing will help her with this, and I will definitely continue trying different things to help ease the transition. I have to remind myself that she is only 3 years old which is hard sometimes because she is so tall. She has a great IEP that fully takes her sensory issues into consideration which is definitely helpful.

In regards to offering her a snack, thankfully she likes a big variety of fruits so I have options. I just have to find a way to offer it to her at the right time before she is falling apart and that is very challenging. I am going to speak to the teacher today as well, maybe she can help out as well by reinforcing the basic rule of going to the car with Mommy without screaming. Once I pick up both kids and we are home or on the playground she can let loose whichever way she wants to.

[Anonymous]

Does the weighted vest or anklets work for her? Could she put on the vest when it's time to pack up and that might "settle" her enough to get to the car and her snack?

Just a thought

[Anonymous]

My son has a weighted lizard that he puts around his shoulders that is almost instantly calming. He wouldn't wear a vest or anything like that but the lizard is almost like his security blanket.

[Anonymous]

OP here thanks, those are great ideas! She doesn't have a weighted vest at the moment but I am going to discuss it with her OT. We do have a pressure vest which she absolutely loves so I think I will try that as well. I am going to have the teacher put it on her before I pick her up.

[Anonymous]

Great advice - you really got the best here. One more idea since I had the same problem. At home, during a calm moment, I had a talk with my 3+ year old. I told him how much I missed him during the day, but that when I finally got to him, he was crying and this made me upset and sometimes angry, especially if we had to be somewhere else. Because he was crying, I could not show him how much I missed him cause he was screaming! I did not want to feel upset and angry, but happy and glad to see him. I asked him if he missed me and he said yes. So, I also said that when people missed each other, they didn't usually cry and scream.

I asked him instead if we could come up with a different, happy greeting when we met.

Smart kid - he told me he wanted a heavy hug, a kiss and swinging upside down. Next few times, I reminded him, we did what he asked and crying calmed. It took some time, but we have had a standard greeting now for a long time - not just a hug and a kiss, but a "hug and a kid". His words.

yes - snacks help too.