DW’s old affair

[Anonymous]

My DW and I have been married for 14 years, together for 16, have two kids. Fairly early in in our relationship she went on a retreat to the Caribbean with her firm, and I’m 95% sure she had a fling there with a colleague. She worked closely with this person, on and off on a few projects over the years, and I have no idea if what happened during the retreat continued. She now works for another company. I long ago figured I’d just let things go since, after all, she married me. But every once in a while it kind of comes back to really bug me again and I’m wondering if it would be better go clear the air. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Let it go, Dude

[Anonymous]

You were not there. You do not know 100% if anything happened. Let it go, she loves you. Long ago worries. Live for today.Forget it because you have nothing to gain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW and I have been married for 14 years, together for 16, have two kids. Fairly early in in our relationship she went on a retreat to the Caribbean with her firm, and I’m 95% sure she had a fling there with a colleague. She worked closely with this person, on and off on a few projects over the years, and I have no idea if what happened during the retreat continued. She now works for another company. I long ago figured I’d just let things go since, after all, she married me. But every once in a while it kind of comes back to really bug me again and I’m wondering if it would be better go clear the air. Thoughts?

Early in your relationship or early in your wedding?

FWIW my now ex connected with a former coworker, hence the “now ex” status.

[Anonymous]

I would try to talk to her about it, obviously it bothers you. I wouldn't assume she loves you, for all you know, she's still having flings with other men.

[Anonymous]

What do you want from her?

[Anonymous]

In the time you have been married has she given you any reason to believe she has not been faithful? If no, get on with your life.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry this is bothering you. Did you ever discuss this with her? It seems to be a tad bit too late, no?

Honestly, I don't really believe affairs are that much of a deal-breaker if your spouse is truly on your side for practical life: financial, parenting, and support.

[Anonymous]

I say this gently- as you age, sometimes anxiety increases. I don't believe this is about your wife or any potential affair. I believe you are displacing anxiety. Try to seek MD assessment to address this and it will improve your life and the way you are focussing on this (and possibly other things).

[Anonymous]

There is no cure for a suspicious mind. OP, you are doomed to mentally torture yourself over a nothingburger!

[Anonymous]

The gut always knows.

She might be doing something now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The gut always knows.

She might be doing something now.[/quote

Agree. Your anxiety now could have been triggered by micro factors you are picking up on. Been there. Check her phone on the sly.

[Anonymous]

If you are sure kids are yours let it go. Are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are sure kids are yours let it go. Are you?

Agree.

[Anonymous]

I have a feeling that even if nothing happened and she tells you nothing happened you aren’t going to believe her. Not sure what you gain from approaching her about this.