Pressure to drink

[Anonymous]

I know that all schools have some kids who drink too much and some who never drink. But at some schools, not drinking seems more acceptable while at others it seems like an important part of the social life. Is this school dependent or are there some schools types of schools where drinking is a less important part of the social scene? This is the type of thing it’s hard to gauge without visiting.

[Anonymous]

People will argue this until they’re blue in this face but I’d avoid fratty, pre-professional schools.

[Anonymous]

Do you only care about alcohol or all substances?

[Anonymous]

Avoid Greek life or a school with a heavy Greek presence.

Avoid colleges in the middle of nowhere where there is little to do except drink.

Avoid colleges with an exceptionally high number of wealthy students.

But in the end it will be on your student to find other activities and friends who share her view.

[Anonymous]

Even if you had the opportunity to visit, I don’t think you would be included at a student party. There are all kinds of kids at every school and you can’t protect your child from this. If your child doesn’t want to drink, they have to find a way to assert themselves. Haven’t you ever gone to a function and not had a drink. With some people, you simply say “I will have a club soda” while with others “ iI have to talk to Mary first and then, I will get something. “ Do you imagine your child will be forced or peer pressured to drink?

[Anonymous]

A student that wants to drink will hang with the drinkers and the student that drinks moderately or abstains finds friends who are similar. It doesnt matter the school. Like finds like. Trust your child.

[Anonymous]

Don’t just tie it to greek life. I went to a small/medium sized school in a very small city in New England. We didn’t have Greek life, but partying was the thing to do. There just wasn’t much going on.

I think a larger school, even with Greek life, would have had more events going on. A larger population would have probably meant more chances to meet people who had different ideas of fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Avoid Greek life or a school with a heavy Greek presence.

Avoid colleges in the middle of nowhere where there is little to do except drink.

Avoid colleges with an exceptionally high number of wealthy students.

But in the end it will be on your student to find other activities and friends who share her view.

Avoid colleges in the middle of major cities where kids go to clubs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Avoid Greek life or a school with a heavy Greek presence.

Avoid colleges in the middle of nowhere where there is little to do except drink.

Avoid colleges with an exceptionally high number of wealthy students.

But in the end it will be on your student to find other activities and friends who share her view.

Avoid colleges in the middle of major cities where kids go to clubs

NP. I really do agree overall with the general guidelines above; however, it's easy to say "avoid colleges in this location or that location" when the reality is that if such a college has the program, professors and major the student wants and needs, it's possibly short-sighted to pass over them just because they're in the middle of a cornfield or in the middle of Manhattan.

OP, be sure to have your DC look for those activities, as one PP mentioned, that will give her bonds to other students based around shared interests--not around random partying. If they are focused together on whatever the environmental club is doing, or on organizing people to vote, or on playing board games, or on cultural activities, etc. etc., then there is likely less focus on mere partying defined as drinking. Yeah, sure, the political club or game club etc. can drink while doing those things. But it's just easier not to drink if the activity is, well, active, rather than just meeting up to hang out.

And I tend to agree re: Campuses of any size, anywhere, where the social life is heavily focused on frat or sorority parties. Also campuses with a LOT of off-campus living Greek or not. It's much easier to have plenty of alcohol and center things around it when you have your own big Greek house or off-campus apartment. Of course I know students can drink in dorms and even at college sponsored events at some colleges. But it's simply easier to drink at parties off campus or in frat/sorority houses. And many Greek houses are formed around the idea of "we all like each other/get along/our bond is social" and not formed around "we're in the same major/have the same commitment to a cause/our bond is academic or cause-related."

Of course not all Greek houses everywhere are party houses, and it's very hard to tell because they all talk about their service projects. It's hard to research this stuff for some schools but your DC can look online at various review sites where students post about colleges and sometimes are frank about drinking and drugs. Can your DC read that stuff but also take it objectively, understanding that some posts will be people with an ax to grind? I'd also Google news articles from the local papers and TV in the area around schools of interest, to see if they turn up as having partying issues. College Confidential is a site you can also try though it's a more limited set of people who reply to things there.

[Anonymous]

My kid goes to one of the LACs in a small, midwestern town. There's a movie theatre, a couple coffee houses but that's about it off-campus. No greek life.

What surprised me most, however, was how many parents stocked up freshmen with alcohol during move in. I saw it with my own eyes.

And my kid, who said he didn't feel any pressure to drink and hadn't had begun to drink by the end of the first year. He came home with a taste for vodka and a strong dislike of beer. I'm not thrilled but not a lot I can do about it besides trying to keep communication open and find my places to wedge in a discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid goes to one of the LACs in a small, midwestern town. There's a movie theatre, a couple coffee houses but that's about it off-campus. No greek life.

What surprised me most, however, was how many parents stocked up freshmen with alcohol during move in. I saw it with my own eyes.

And my kid, who said he didn't feel any pressure to drink and hadn't had begun to drink by the end of the first year. He came home with a taste for vodka and a strong dislike of beer. I'm not thrilled but not a lot I can do about it besides trying to keep communication open and find my places to wedge in a discussion.

If those students were in campus housing their parents likely were violating rules against alcohol in dorms, I would think. Sickening behavior. What a great message to send your student, right? And those same parents likely will wonder why their kid is having academic problems later in the year.

Especially considering that alcohol is behind many campus rapes and other assaults, I hold parents like them responsible for encouraging criminal behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear that Liberty, Patrick Henry, and Grove City all have a majority of non-drinking/partying students

[Anonymous]

All colleges have plenty of students who drink and plenty of students who don’t. It is our job as parents to ensure that our kids are ready to encounter that environment when they leave for college and that they know how to handle it. Heavy drinking it not at all exclusive to colleges with Greek life. Drinking, partying and hazing occur on sports teams, clubs, organizations, marching band, etc.

Before your student sets foot on a college campus, they need to be fully educated about alcohol. This is imperative whether you think they will or will not drink and whether you condone or do not condone drinking. They need to know...

1. Limits. What makes you stupid, what makes you drunk, what makes you blackout, what makes you die, and the legal and academic ramifications for any and all underage drinking.

2. What can happen when you drink that you can be held responsible for that you are completely unaware of at the time...driving, assault allegations, etc.

3. How to drink safely. Never accept a drink from a stranger. Keep you drink covered. Don’t drink the punch or jungle juice.

4. What to do if you’ve crossed the line. If you are unsafe. If you need medical attention or if a friend or someone else you see needs medical attention.

5. How to say no. How to back out. That it’s ok to hold a drink without drinking it or to set something down or pour it out to keep yourself safe and within your limits.

I’m sure there are more, but the kids that get themselves in bad situations are often kids who have never had these conversations before, never had a drink before, and the parents swear up and down they don’t drink. We would all like to assume our kids won’t drink, but most of them will and it is imperative that they know how to keep themselves and others safe.

[Anonymous]

It comes down to being judged by others. As a parent of a child in recovery that is what matters to a lot of people. Do I fit in? Will people like me if I don't drink? Will I have fun?

The answer is yes to all those questions. Just be open, don't pretend by holding a drink, don't pretend by pouring things out if handed, just say no thank you. I don't drink.

To get beyond that is one of the keys. If you just say no thank you, people will leave you alone. Will people judge you ? Yes, but it is your choice to let that bother you or not.

[Anonymous]

I went to a heavy drinking school in the middle of nowhere. I never drank even a drop. The first few weeks of school as a freshman I made friends with some senior frat guys. They invited me to a party. I didnt like all of the drunk people so close, especially guys who would get handsy, so I started pouring beer behind the bar and it became my thing. I always offered to pour at parties. It put a countertop between me and all of the drunks. Throughout the night everyone would eventually come up to talk to me. And I always exited gracefully before things got sloppy. I ended up student body president, in part because I knew so many people. Very few people ever realized that I wasn't drinking and no one cared.