Is it normal to lose my temper like this?

[Anonymous]

We were just having a great time in the backyard and the kids went inside to get their aluminum water bottles filled. Our deck sits up high, and they came out with their full water bottles, and both chucked them over the side of the deck. One of them landed on me and hurt, but it could have been a lot worse had it landed on my head or in my face. I completely lost it. I'm sitting inside now and I feel so angry and I'm crying. They are 5.5 and 3.5 and I feel like they should know better -- we have told them many times before not to throw their water bottles.

DH seemed annoyed that I lost it. No one has come to apologize.

How could I have handled this better?

[Anonymous]

You give them a consequence. If they've done it many times, where were the consequences then? Its ok to be annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You give them a consequence. If they've done it many times, where were the consequences then? Its ok to be annoyed.

I was too angry to implement a consequence, I needed to just remove myself. However, I'm planning to take their water bottles away. They'll just have to keep a plastic cup in the kitchen and come inside every time they need a drink of water until they can earn our trust back with the water bottles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You give them a consequence. If they've done it many times, where were the consequences then? Its ok to be annoyed.

I don't remember what the consequences were. They've never thrown them off the deck before. We probably told them to stop or we would take the water bottles away.

[Anonymous]

I think it's totally fine to get angry and yell at someone when they've thrown something in a way that can and does hurt you, or someone else.

3.5 is DEFINITELY old enough to know better. If you'd said 18 months, I'd give the kid a pass. MAYBE even 2.5. But 3.5 - totally unacceptable.

I would let them know there is a new house rule. They are not allowed to throw anything other than a ball, and they are never allowed to throw a ball AT someone. They can only throw a ball TO someone if that person is ready to catch. If you find them throwing anything else, that item will be taken away and they will be sent to their rooms for the rest of the day.

People will say I'm harsh and over-reacting but I take hurting people VERY seriously.

[Anonymous]

I would have lost it. The water bottles would have gone in a goodwill bag immediately, they’d be in quiet time in their rooms, and the next day we’d have a talk about a safety. I don’t care if they’re 3.5 or 10.5- if they don’t learn from mistakes now they’ll just keep doing the same stuff. My DD still laughs when she sees photos of the toy time-our area from when she was a toddler- anything that got thrown at someone or at one of the dogs went to the guest room for a day or a week depending on how dangerous it was. She learned fast and no one has had something thrown in their face since then.

Also, your kids’ new water bottles would be plastic and lame, because I’m a jerk like that.

[Anonymous]

I think when you get physically hurt, something kicks in that takes over your reactions. I would apologize to your DH but not the kids. I would hope they apologize to you. Your DH should suggest they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think when you get physically hurt, something kicks in that takes over your reactions. I would apologize to your DH but not the kids. I would hope they apologize to you. Your DH should suggest they do.

You're right. I should apologize to my DH. I came inside where he was getting their dinner ready in the kitchen and I slammed my cup down on the counter and it made a really loud noise. He was on his way outside with their dinner. I will apologize to him for slamming the cup. I'm going to go pour a glass of wine and take it with me for a long shower or bath.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by “lost it?” Did you yell at them? Call names or use curse words? Did you slam the door? Give them some over the top consequence/punishment? Did you use physical violence in any way? I think in this situation where they did something dangerous that hurt you and could’ve hurt you/someone badly, yelling is a totally understandable reaction. But any of the other things above would be over the line. “Lost it” means different things to different people. I have kids the same ages. From time to time I lose my temper/get really upset w them and yell at them (I think most parents do) but if I overreact, I will apologize afterward. I don’t think yelling at them is a good thing and it’s something I try very hard not to do but it happens. Give yourself some more time to cool down and reevaluate your reaction then talk to them about it calmly when you’re ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have lost it. The water bottles would have gone in a goodwill bag immediately, they’d be in quiet time in their rooms, and the next day we’d have a talk about a safety. I don’t care if they’re 3.5 or 10.5- if they don’t learn from mistakes now they’ll just keep doing the same stuff. My DD still laughs when she sees photos of the toy time-our area from when she was a toddler- anything that got thrown at someone or at one of the dogs went to the guest room for a day or a week depending on how dangerous it was. She learned fast and no one has had something thrown in their face since then.

Also, your kids’ new water bottles would be plastic and lame, because I’m a jerk like that.

Why would you give away stuff you paid money for vs. teaching them to behave and treat it well and give them a strong consequence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by “lost it?” Did you yell at them? Call names or use curse words? Did you slam the door? Give them some over the top consequence/punishment? Did you use physical violence in any way? I think in this situation where they did something dangerous that hurt you and could’ve hurt you/someone badly, yelling is a totally understandable reaction. But any of the other things above would be over the line. “Lost it” means different things to different people. I have kids the same ages. From time to time I lose my temper/get really upset w them and yell at them (I think most parents do) but if I overreact, I will apologize afterward. I don’t think yelling at them is a good thing and it’s something I try very hard not to do but it happens. Give yourself some more time to cool down and reevaluate your reaction then talk to them about it calmly when you’re ready.

I yelled. I didn’t name call or curse, although I really felt the urge to use some strong language. I left the door open on purpose since DH was going out, so no door slamming. I did swear a lot when I told DH what happened (kids were outside, we were inside).

[Anonymous]

I’m the give away the water bottles poster. I’d give them away because kids who throw metal water bottles at that age have a lot of learning to do and I wouldn’t trust them to not do it again. And unless they’re Hydroflash water bottles they’re probably $10 each and I’m willing to eat $20 to teach kids that they don’t throw heavy, hard things.

But also, I hate the clanking noise that metal water bottles make, so it’d be the perfect opportunity to get rid of them!

[Anonymous]

In our house, anything that is thrown gets put in a penalty box for some period of time. For consequences to really work, they have to be reasonable, related, and revealed in advance.

I think it would be totally fine to show them how upset you were. No hitting, no demeaning characterizations of the kids themselves, but you are also a human and get to have feelings.

Maybe you're under more stress than you have been directly thinking about?

[Anonymous]

Discipline begins from the get go. Obviously, you don't teach them common sense behavior so you get hooligans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Discipline begins from the get go. Obviously, you don't teach them common sense behavior so you get hooligans.

Be careful, the fall is long from up so high on your horse...

No one has perfect children, especially when they are 3 and 5. Kids f*ck up. That doesn't mean they have bad parents.