thought exercise

[Anonymous]

if there were no impediments to women having children with women, would there be more lesbian relationships?

[Anonymous]

No.

We’re already there. Sperm donors are easy enough to come by....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No.

We’re already there. Sperm donors are easy enough to come by....

This is awfully dismissive.
The fact that one parent will not have a biological connection with the child in this case is an impediment.
Even if both partners are OK with this, they may still face scrutiny and stigma by their families of origin and society.
If IVF or other fertility treatments are required, this raises costs considerably.
It is simply not as simple as sex with a guy.
I identified as bi early in my life. This was one of the reasons I ended up marrying a man. Among other things, I did not see having children with a female partner as attainable due to costs and stigma.
I had my kids and now divorced and in a relationship with a woman. I don’t see myself being with a man ever again.
If things had been different, I may have chosen a different path.

[Anonymous]

So you chose to have children with a man because it was cheaper? And you think there is now no stigma to having children with a man and now being with a woman? Ooook.

Spending $10k on getting pregnant and having children via sperm donor wasn't worth selling my happiness out to be with a man to save the money. And we haven't faced any issues with being a 2 mom family. Our kids are now teens and as far as our "new" (ie. didn't know us 16y ago) the kids could have come from one of us being with a man.We don't regularly discuss conception/past relationships/etc - it is more about school, sports, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you chose to have children with a man because it was cheaper? And you think there is now no stigma to having children with a man and now being with a woman? Ooook.

Spending $10k on getting pregnant and having children via sperm donor wasn't worth selling my happiness out to be with a man to save the money. And we haven't faced any issues with being a 2 mom family. Our kids are now teens and as far as our "new" (ie. didn't know us 16y ago) the kids could have come from one of us being with a man.We don't regularly discuss conception/past relationships/etc - it is more about school, sports, etc.

Good grief.
There were other reasons for marrying a man besides “selling out.”
I don’t feel like I should need to defend myself here but my parents were very dismissive of my sexuality when I came out as a teen, and made it clear they would not easily accept me being in a relationship with a woman.
That, combined with severe low self esteem and a host of other issues, led to the marriage with a man.
Good for you that you either did not experience those things or had enough confidence to overcome it the first time around.
Clearly I suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you chose to have children with a man because it was cheaper? And you think there is now no stigma to having children with a man and now being with a woman? Ooook.

Spending $10k on getting pregnant and having children via sperm donor wasn't worth selling my happiness out to be with a man to save the money. And we haven't faced any issues with being a 2 mom family. Our kids are now teens and as far as our "new" (ie. didn't know us 16y ago) the kids could have come from one of us being with a man.We don't regularly discuss conception/past relationships/etc - it is more about school, sports, etc.

Good grief.
There were other reasons for marrying a man besides “selling out.”
I don’t feel like I should need to defend myself here but my parents were very dismissive of my sexuality when I came out as a teen, and made it clear they would not easily accept me being in a relationship with a woman.
That, combined with severe low self esteem and a host of other issues, led to the marriage with a man.
Good for you that you either did not experience those things or had enough confidence to overcome it the first time around.
Clearly I suck.

No, you don't suck, but that isn't what you said the first time around. You asked if people would be more likely to be in a relationship with a woman if they could biologically have children. I get the internalized homophobia/familial criticism, etc (and yes, I faced all of those things 25y ago..) but i was reacting to "I did not see having children with a female partner as attainable due to costs and stigma."

In any case, I am glad you are in a relationship where you are happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you chose to have children with a man because it was cheaper? And you think there is now no stigma to having children with a man and now being with a woman? Ooook.

Spending $10k on getting pregnant and having children via sperm donor wasn't worth selling my happiness out to be with a man to save the money. And we haven't faced any issues with being a 2 mom family. Our kids are now teens and as far as our "new" (ie. didn't know us 16y ago) the kids could have come from one of us being with a man.We don't regularly discuss conception/past relationships/etc - it is more about school, sports, etc.

Good grief.
There were other reasons for marrying a man besides “selling out.”
I don’t feel like I should need to defend myself here but my parents were very dismissive of my sexuality when I came out as a teen, and made it clear they would not easily accept me being in a relationship with a woman.
That, combined with severe low self esteem and a host of other issues, led to the marriage with a man.
Good for you that you either did not experience those things or had enough confidence to overcome it the first time around.
Clearly I suck.

No, you don't suck, but that isn't what you said the first time around. You asked if people would be more likely to be in a relationship with a woman if they could biologically have children. I get the internalized homophobia/familial criticism, etc (and yes, I faced all of those things 25y ago..) but i was reacting to "I did not see having children with a female partner as attainable due to costs and stigma."

In any case, I am glad you are in a relationship where you are happy.

Thanks. But that is not how I read the OP, though there do tend to be a lot of threads about that here. Impediments aren’t only biological ones.