How do you deal with the emotions of TTC?

[Anonymous]

Now that we are TTC (3 months now), I feel like its all I think about. I feel like virtually every day I am charting or doing something to prepare to conceive. Inevitably, each month I think "this is it", even though I try not to. And then when my period comes, I feel this enormous letdown, then become stressed about when its going to happen. Then we start all over. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, and that TTC is emotional and difficult for everyone. So how do you deal? Any tips for staying sane and on an even keel while trying to get pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Yep - we are just about to start TTC #2 and all the scary feelings and worries are coming back already. My DH started to talk about potential names and my reaction was we need to wait until we know we actually can have a #2.

So far my best solution is to just try to redirect my thoughts as best I can whenever I start to stress about it - that's the best solution I've come up with.

[Anonymous]

Keep yourself busy with other things. I wasn't working FT when we started TTC and I felt the same way, it was completely consuming me. I then had a miscarriage and it pretty much just go worse emotionally.

It's really, really important to remember that it is normal to take a year, I kept thinking no way, that won't be us. After the miscarriage I thought hey, it'll happen again soon and we'll be fine. Well it has been a long road, it's a year since we started TTC and it has been emotionally rough. On the up side I just found out I'm pregnant again (and yes, it continues to be on my mind non-stop).

I am trying to stay positive, hope everything will work out and just try and remember that in the grand scheme of things, a year is no big deal.

But I really think you have to keep yourself busy with other things, work, activities, reading, yoga, something to find some emotional peace and quiet... otherwise it becomes all-consuming. And if you feel your husband/partner is not getting that involved in the monthly ups and downs, that is good, better one person stays calm. I think for many couples evidence has shown that stress is if anything a negative influence.

This whole process has required more patience than I ever imagined. I try and remind myself it's futile to compare yourself to couples that breeze through this time. Don't compare. I also try and remind myself that patience is a good thing and during pregnancy as well as as a parent I will need a lot of it.

Btw, I did recently start acupuncture and found it has helped me de-stress and calm down emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that we are TTC (3 months now), I feel like its all I think about. I feel like virtually every day I am charting or doing something to prepare to conceive. Inevitably, each month I think "this is it", even though I try not to. And then when my period comes, I feel this enormous letdown, then become stressed about when its going to happen. Then we start all over. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, and that TTC is emotional and difficult for everyone. So how do you deal? Any tips for staying sane and on an even keel while trying to get pregnant?

I felt the same way as you do...I find TTC really stressful - my DH has some issues. Basically when he knows we are TTC his boys can't make it to the finish line. So it would take us 3 attempts to get the boys there...every month that I found out I wasn't pregnant I'd just tell myself that it was okay, now I still get to have the excitement of finding out I'm pregnant.

It took us 2 months to conceive with #1, then we tried for 4 months for #2, I got preggers and then miscarried shortly after...but then got pregnant again 2 months later. But like you I really, really, really hate the emotions of TTC. If we decide to have a third I'm thinking of just not using protection for a year to see if it happens that way instead of actively trying.

Oh, the thing that I really hate when you are TTC - is hearing about people who got pregnant on the first try with all of their kids!!! ARG!

[Anonymous]

It is hard and I find it all consuming for most women.

I just try to go with the flow. I am trying for #2 and had 2 m/c in the last year. I try to look on the bright side (at least I know I can get pregnant) and I think of others less fortunate. Some people are sick or lost loved ones etc etc. I know it's morbid but I think it is good to be thankful for what you have.

I hope you can find a way to focus on it but not let it consume you.

[Anonymous]

OP, while I know it is difficult I think the first step is managing expectations - there is no real norm and trying for 3 months is really just the start for most people.

Mind you this is coming from someone who tried for over a year and then had to go the fertility treatment route. Two issues when 'trying' becomes too much of a focus early on from our MD - 1) stress can effect the process and 2) takes away much of the 'fun' in trying which cause more stress. After 6 months (at 35) I did feel like life occured in two week increments but the more you can redirect your thinking the better, at least for now.

Chances are you will be pregnant in the next year - enjoy the process and revel in thoughts re the change you will encounter as a parent and family unit. And use these last few months to enjoy things that you will have to give up for a time after having children.

To the 11:24 PP - my first pregnancy - after multiple IUIs and finally IVF ended in miscarriage. It is far more difficult when you have the stress of getting pregnant with the additional stree of maintaining pregnancy. While miscarriages are fairly common early in pregnancy, it is easier when you make it past the time you previously miscarried.

Best of luck to everyone!

[Anonymous]

Buy Taking Control of Your Fertility and start charting. It takes the mystery out of the process - you have sex at the right time, and know if you didn't conceive even before your period. Plus, you will be collecting the data you need in case you don't get pregnant.

If you are not relaxed by nature, and if you are stressing now, then "just enjoy the process" doesn't really do it.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I am glad I read this post today as I was feeling overwhelmed when I got a negative on the pregnancy test this morning for the 16th cycle in a row. After 10 months of trying we went to a specialist, did the whole test thing and come to find out both my tubes were blocked. I was relieved to know what was wrong but saddened at the same time as I feel like we wasted 10 months for nothing. I had a procedure to have my tubes unblocked (it worked) and they said most people get pregnant within the first month after or within 4 months, well that obviously hasn't happened for me. I started acupuncture this cycle to try and help keep the stress down, and the RE said I have one more month of trying before I start treatments. It has become all consuming a a bit overwhelming and the worst part is there isn't anyone "chat" about it with. I don't understand why infertility is so hush hush but that's the way it is. I guess I don't really want anyone to know if I am have fertility treatments as apparently it is rather controversial. The extended family doesn't understand why we haven't gotten pregnant yet so I am getting people asking me constantly when we are going to get pregnant already. I have started telling people we aren't ready to have kids yet just to keep them at bay.

[Anonymous]

Well, it took me four years, minor surgery for me, minor surgery for DH, and four injectible IUIs. It was consuming and put a lot of stress of my marriage.

I think all the posters above have good and thoughtful advice. I might just add that babycenter.com has amazing boards for people going through all stages of ttc. It's great to vent amongst other people going through the same thing. It's better sometimes than talking about it too much to friends and colleagues!

And if you ever want inspiration, visit the world's best and most supportive site: www.babystepsforum.com

Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

I know exactly how you feel! I am utterly obsessed for the entire 2weeks between ovulation and AF. Every little thing is a possible "symptom." Right now I am 11dpo and pretty much out of my mind I have had very very litght spotting since 9dpo so I am back and forth between thinking I am about to get AF or having implantation bleeding. I find it almost impossible to relax during this time in the process! I'm sorry I don't have any good advice for you, I'm in the same boat, but I wish you the very very best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Oh, PP here (the TTCF poster). Another thing to alleviate stress - LIE TO YOUR FAMILIES. Tell them you aren't interested in having a baby yet. The last thing you need is for your painful struggle to become dinnner conversation at holidays.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I just want to second what the PP said...I found it very helpful not to tell anyone. When people asked , I just joked around and told them I was too young to be a mom. It was stressful enough knowing myself. FWIW, I stressed for almost a year, and then just when I thought it was never going to happen, we got pregnant that month. I hope this happens soon for you too. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

At first, I didn't want to tell people that we are TTC (for #2) so as not to add extra pressure, but 8 months into it and now contemplating fertility treatment, I'm slowly starting to let close friends and family in on it, and am finding it very helpful. It's such an emotional rollercoaster and I've felt very insulated just having my husband to talk to about it. For me, it's a relief to have it more out in the open.

[Anonymous]

I was in my dad's house one day. My SIL called. My dad answered the phone "So, pregnant yet?"

When I heard this comment, family rumor had it that I was uninterested in having children (which was a carefully cultivated lie).

[Anonymous]

The hardest part was how alone I felt. I didn't share much with DH because it was putting a strain on our marriage. My obsession had made BDing such a chore. So my advice would be to find some support. Online, DH, friends, family, whoever provides you comfort and no pressure. One of the problems I have had with online support (some of the websites and forums) is that it fueled my obsession. I found myself ripping apart pregnancy tests to get a closer look, b/c that's what the gals online did. It's so hard. Good luck to you.