Is your child obsessed with their birthday?

[Anonymous]

DD is turning thirteen. For over a month, never mind other reminders throughout the year, she goes on and on. I can take it anymore. I told her if she doesn’t button it and calm down, she will get less presents. If it were up to me she would only get 1 big gif, couple other little gifts. Her father spoils her. I gave her a break because she’s turning thirteen. She has ADHD, no real friends. I had to drum up people for a birthday party... Anyone with kids like this? I am so low key about things, I can’t relate.

It just doesn’t seem normal to me, DD practically wants me to cater to her a whole week of her birthday.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like anxiety and loneliness mixed together. Not having friends and being isolated from peers likely makes it worse. Are there no or low cost ways you can make her feel special?

[Anonymous]

Is this every year or because this year she becomes a teenager? 13 is a big birthday in her life/world and you sound grouchy about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is turning thirteen. For over a month, never mind other reminders throughout the year, she goes on and on. I can take it anymore. I told her if she doesn’t button it and calm down, she will get less presents. If it were up to me she would only get 1 big gif, couple other little gifts. Her father spoils her. I gave her a break because she’s turning thirteen. She has ADHD, no real friends. I had to drum up people for a birthday party... Anyone with kids like this? I am so low key about things, I can’t relate.

It just doesn’t seem normal to me, DD practically wants me to cater to her a whole week of her birthday.

Is it just this upcoming birthday, or has it been previous birthdays as well?

I don't know, a kid becoming an official teenager, in COVID, and doesn't have real friends to start with? I think I'd make a big deal of it for her...and yes, for the whole week.

When she's an adult, she'll remember the year her mom made her birthday, in a pandemic, in middle school which can be is tough on a good day, extra special.

Happy Birthday to your DD! I have a DD turning 13 in a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like anxiety and loneliness mixed together. Not having friends and being isolated from peers likely makes it worse. Are there no or low cost ways you can make her feel special?

This. Geez. I’m glad he dad spoils her. So sad.

[Anonymous]

It could partly by symptomatic of the ADHD--the obession with the bday. I have an ADHD kid who was obsessed with his (14th) bday earlier this year, before quarantine. He wasn't obsessed about it in years past, though. My kid is typically obsessed about one thing or another.

[Anonymous]

My DD, now 11, who does not have ADHD, talks about her birthday all year round to some degree or another. As it gets closer, yes, the discussion around her bday goes up. IMO, some people just make a huge deal of it because they like the presents and the attention. Others don't seem to care as much.

[Anonymous]

One of my kids is obsessed, the only one of the three without any kind of special needs, so I think it's personality.

Usually we give the kids a choice between a party, or an experience as their big gift, but this year I feel like I need to buy a big gift to make up for the lack for the first two. We're still pretty tightly quarantined because of medical needs.. We'll do some kind of "party" but just with the people who live in the house.

[Anonymous]

My kids are not and they are boys, so I'm not sure about girls. I just wanted to say that if she is lonely and has anxiety, let her have this, it sounds like it is making her so happy to focus on her bday. I know you are lowkey, but sounds like she is going through a lot and if this is what cheers her up, so be it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like anxiety and loneliness mixed together. Not having friends and being isolated from peers likely makes it worse. Are there no or low cost ways you can make her feel special?

This. She needs something she's not getting, and it's not a pile of gifts. I know it can feel annoying, but approach this with compassion and try to fill that need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are not and they are boys, so I'm not sure about girls. I just wanted to say that if she is lonely and has anxiety, let her have this, it sounds like it is making her so happy to focus on her bday. I know you are lowkey, but sounds like she is going through a lot and if this is what cheers her up, so be it!

My sons are obsessed with birthdays. We don’t but random stuff all year long so they get something special.

Frankly, they love to throw a party with their friends. They are 12 and 14 and plan the entire thing themselves—sleepover, or escape room or whatever. It’s not the presents.

[Anonymous]

I know MANY adults like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are not and they are boys, so I'm not sure about girls. I just wanted to say that if she is lonely and has anxiety, let her have this, it sounds like it is making her so happy to focus on her bday. I know you are lowkey, but sounds like she is going through a lot and if this is what cheers her up, so be it!

My sons are obsessed with birthdays. We don’t but random stuff all year long so they get something special.

Frankly, they love to throw a party with their friends. They are 12 and 14 and plan the entire thing themselves—sleepover, or escape room or whatever. It’s not the presents.

I'm the one above with 3 kids, one of whom is obsessed. All of my kids are boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is turning thirteen. For over a month, never mind other reminders throughout the year, she goes on and on. I can take it anymore. I told her if she doesn’t button it and calm down, she will get less presents. If it were up to me she would only get 1 big gif, couple other little gifts. Her father spoils her. I gave her a break because she’s turning thirteen. She has ADHD, no real friends. I had to drum up people for a birthday party... Anyone with kids like this? I am so low key about things, I can’t relate.

It just doesn’t seem normal to me, DD practically wants me to cater to her a whole week of her birthday.

you aren't normal.

[Anonymous]

"She has ADHD, no real friends. I had to drum up people for a birthday party..."

Your daughter sounds like she may be lonely, IMO. While your daughter may simply be more shy and have trouble making friends, kids with ADHD can be sensitive when they feel that they're not liked, as all kids can be but maybe even more (you can look up rejection sensitive dysphoria), and often experience more interactions that lead to feelings of not being liked because of behavior related to ADHD symptoms.

My daughter has ADHD and was very socially isolated at your daughter's age. Weeks before her 13th birthday, she was telling me things like how she was worried that no one would come to her party and how other girls at school had more friends. She was lonely and I think she looked forward to having a party because it was an opportunity for her to feel liked.

Many teens at your daughter's age without ADHD can tend to be a little focused on themselves and seek attention, although it can manifest in different ways. I wouldn't worry too much about this behavior. It may be helpful to focus on why your daughter is acting this way and seek ways to address those reasons, such as encouraging her to make new friends, in addition to making her aware of how her behavior impacts others and how she can be less focused on herself.