Has anyone made a big move with kids in ES?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
All of our family lives across the country and we are contemplating making a move to be closer thanks to Covid. DH can do his job from anywhere now, and I will likely be laid off anyway. Kids are going into 4th grade and 1st grade and I am starting to feel like it’s now or never.
Wondering if anyone has made a move to another city with kids in elementary school and how they did assimilating into a new school and making friends. I know kids are resilient and they will be fine, but it has been a tough 4 months and they definitely don’t see this coming. Neither of our families live in the town where we grew up so we would go not knowing anyone other than our parents and siblings and cousins who are great humans but much younger. I am a bit worried that even though our kids will make friends DH and I will have a much harder time if we aren’t working in an office and at my kids’ age I am guessing most parents’ social circles are fairly set at this point (I know ours is in DC). The main reason we would be moving is to be closer to family, have better weather/quality of life and a lower cost of living. Has anyone done this and how did it turn out? |
Anonymous
|
We moved to Europe when DD was in 3rd and 4th grade and then to DC when she was in 6th. All very positive for her. She adjusted easily and has always been a happy kid.
But yes, it’s been much harder for DH and me to find real friends. Our friends from New York are family and we haven’t found that feeling here. But maybe that’s age... I don’t know. We have a social circle due to my work and some parents from DD’s school but that’s about it. |
Anonymous
| Yes. We both work for the government and move to a different country (often a different continent) every 2-3 years. Our kids have done well. |
Anonymous
| I moved at 4th grade. It was hard at first and we gave our parents a really hard time, lots of tears. But after setting in, it was way easier on me at 4th grade then on my middle school and high school age siblings. |
Anonymous
| We moved from MOCO to Indy when our oldest was going into 3rd. Much, much harder adjustment for me than our kids. It took a full year for me to feel settled. |
Anonymous
|
I can only speak for the kid perspective as my family did a move at almost those exact ages - summer before 4th for me, and kindergarten for my sibling. We adjusted well and I think it's a good age - like you said any older and it gets harder. Having that 4th and 5th grade year really helped me solidify friendships in elementary school when it's a little easier than middle school. If you truly think you'll want to move out west, I think you're right with the "now or never" thing.
I will say for my parents, they have extremely tight friendships now (still live in the area we moved). I don't know how long it took, but I don't think terribly long. We joined the community pool, they became really active in a progressive church, and we all developed friendships from those things and made some new close family friends. I remember us having close family friends and my own individual friends before that move, and I remember them kind of in a fuzzy way - fondly, but not in a lot of detail. So yeah, just one perspective. |
Anonymous
| 15:33 and I was the upcoming 4th grader. My kindergartner sibling pretty much only remembers the second location I think, a few memories from before but not a ton so for your youngest it will mostly be all they know by the time they are a senior in high school |
Anonymous
Meant to add... we also moved to be closer to DH’s family as he has more active parents, siblings with kids close in age to ours, etc. There were both good and not so good aspects of the move. They were all set in their own patterns for get togethers and holidays, in laws used to watching cousins but not being around our kids, etc. It was actually kind of a rough adjustment for us. Things are good now, but it took some time. I would make sure you’re clear on expectations of family members on both sides. |
Anonymous
| This is a good time to go. I moved a lot as a kid. It was much harder when we were older. As parents, you will make connections with parents if you sign the kids up for activities like Scouts and sports right away, and join the PTA, and stuff like that. If you are moving near family, their friends might be your friends, too. It is hard as adults, but not impossible. It will take more time and effort than it will for your kids. I would go for it. Family is important, and being near your families will pay off in the long run. |
Anonymous
Because you are moving to be closer to family will you be moving to one of your hometowns? |
Anonymous
| Military family that has moved with kids entering K and 3 and again with them entering 2 and 5. Agree that kids are resilient (and I think moving has actually helped my less outgoing kid learn to put himself out there a bit more and increased his confidence), so generally I would not hesitate to move with elementary school age kids. The one thing that would concern me about moving right now is the ability to build social circles in the midst of covid. Yes, it does get more difficult as kids get older, but I found that with elementary kids it wasn't too hard to meet people through sports, activities, volunteering at school, etc if you were willing to make an effort. But obviously all of that stuff is largely curtailed right now, and even those who are no longer strictly quarantining are often limiting interactions to a small group of friends that they know well and trust. Not sure what fall will look like and that will depend some on where you are moving. If you are moving to an area that isn't heavily impacted and is planning to resume full time in person school in the fall with limited restrictions, then there may be no issue. If you are moving to a heavily covid-impacted area that is going to have a significant amount of distance learning and other social distancing precautions continuing in the fall that may make it really tough for you guys to build relationships. If you have enough family there to create at least a temporary social circle it could still work, but it is something I would at least think about. Good luck with whatever you decide! |
Anonymous
| We moved cross country the summer after kids completed 1st and 3rd grades. It was pretty easy adjustment for the kids. They made friends and are happy. My goal was to move before middle school hit. Go for it! |
Anonymous
| We moved when kids were in 2nd and 4th. My now rising 4th grader still misses his old friends. We just really loved our old neighborhood. Both boys have friends and fine. I would do it sooner than later. |
Anonymous
| I think the consensus is in that the kids will do well. For the parents' sake, do check out what kind of community structures exist in your target town or neighborhood to seed your new friendships. We did a big move 4 years ago to a town with countless options and in that time have regained that friends-as-family feeling. |
Anonymous
|
The younger they are, the easier it is to move, OP. Don't do it when they're teens. Because of my father's job, I spent my childhood moving to different countries. I had to say goodbye to friends, learn new languages and cultures, make new friends. It was harder on my mother, the trailing spouse, than it was on my father or me. You'll be near family and you're not moving out of the country - there won't be any issues at all! |