Do you consider failed IVF cycle a miscarriage?

[Anonymous]

My friend is undergoing a horrible (as if there is any other kind) struggle with infertility. A while back she got BFP from IUI and then miscarried. She just underwent an IVF cycle and made a comment about how bad the "miscarriage was." I responded, referring to the IUI miscarriage and she said, no, the IVF - to which I responded, I had not realized that you were pregnant from that. She was clearly not happy about that and said that it was a miscarriage because on the day of transfer the embryos were viable. I always thought miscarriage was after BFP - and implantation.

If IVF fails, do you consider this a miscarriage?

[Anonymous]

I don't, but it's still a loss. I guess your perspective could depend on when you think "life" begins. If you think it begins when an embryo is created, then I can see how you would view IVF failure as a miscarriage. I personally think it begins when the embryo implants, so do not view IVF failure as a miscarriage, but having gone through IVF failure myself, there is still a great feeling of loss.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP - it isn't a miscarriage, but it is a loss. I was shown my embryo before it was transferred, and could see each of the cells, so it was clearly "alive" to me (even though I don't believe that life begins at conception, as I know how many other things have to fall into place for a pregnancy to be viable). So it was harder for me to get the news that it didn't work as compared to after my IUIs.

I would say, based on my reading and plenty of time on IVF chat boards, that the vast majority of women doing IVF go with the view that it isn't a miscarriage. But clearly your friend has a strong view that it is, and I think that if you want to maintain the friendship you'll have to respect her view.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe it is a miscarriage per say but I was shocked how much loss I felt when I had an IVF cycle (in this case a frozen cycle) not work. I thought I would be able to just "move on" but I really grieved (for weeks) the loss of those 2 embryos that I had thought about and honestly dreamed about for the 2 years that they were frozen. It was a much greater loss than I had anticipated.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the insight - I had not really thought about it, but my friend is in the process of converting to Catholocism and so her viewpoint is in line with the view that life begins with fertilization.

[Anonymous]

Well I hope she hasn't gotten to the part in Catholicism where IVF is forbidden, she may be just adding guilt to her existing feeling of loss.

[Anonymous]

Agree - it is not a miscarriage (not by the medical determination) as she was never pregnant.

[Anonymous]

i know how your friend feels...have had a "real" m/c and multiple failed ivf attempts.
it's tough either way.
my doctor described my ivf failures as "implantation failure" as opposed to "miscarriage".