Is your nanny able to manage your 3 and 1 year old?

[Anonymous]

We have a 3.5 year old and and 11 month old, the 3.5 year old used to go to 1/2 day nursery school pre-Covid and our nanny stayed home in the morning with the baby then picked up the older one and they were all together in the afternoon. Now everyone is home all day long and it is just awful, lots of whining, complaining, taking toys away from the baby or pushing him, nanny is having a hard time juggling the two of them and the baby takes two naps making it hard to get them both out of the house for very long. I’m trying to gauge if it’s a problem with our nanny not planning / scheduling well or if the age difference makes it nearly impossible to keep everyone happy. My husband and I manage better with them on the weekend but obviously there’s two of us. Debating whether we need to either get the nanny to organize the day differently somehow, put the older one in daycare for everyone’s sanity, or get a new nanny. Help me think this through please!

[Anonymous]

p.s. for those of you taking care of kids this age yourselves while working from home my hat is off to you, I couldn’t do it. Same to SAHMs, mad respect.

[Anonymous]

I am a mom to 4 kids, the youngest two are 3.5 and 10 months, older two are 5 and 8. I’m mostly sah during the pandemic.

I think someone who bills themself as a nanny should have no trouble handling two kids these ages for their career however I think there is typically a lot of crying and unhappiness from these ages in general. My 3.5 year old is super seeet and chill but still tantrums about 3-6x a day at least. Don’t take crying for the fact that something is wrong, for us it has always just been a big part of that age.

Also, listen to your gut if you feel that the nanny is not good for you. Mom intuition is real.

[Anonymous]

Are you working from home, OP?

It’s so much harder to get into a routine with a baby and 3.5 yr old if you or DH are around but not available.

[Anonymous]

Sounds pretty typical to me! 3.5 yr olds are generally moody and jealous of the baby. And social distancing is making it hard on everyone. I certainly wouldn’t blame your nanny.

Your 1 yr old needs to nap in the stroller so older child can get out.

[Anonymous]

Is the nanny complaining? Kids that age cry a lot. If you’re expecting it to be quiet it’s probably not going to happen. Can you look at your work space so you can tune out the noise better? Get further away or wear headphones or something.

[Anonymous]

Im a SAH mom to a 4 year old and 9.5 mo and have basically given up lately. Theres nap hell being stuck at home in the mornings when my older is used to that being a morning activity time, hes insanely jealous of the baby, has been acting out and he causes a huge scene everytime the crawling baby finds one of his toys that he's deemed off limits even though he hasn't used it in days.

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM when my kids were those ages, and having activities available away from the house was huge. My older child was in morning preschool, which let the baby get a good morning nap and gave me time to clean up and organize the day. In the afternoons we would go to playgrounds, library story hours, play dates, etc. to help burn off energy. Rainy days when we were stuck in the house more were a lot more challenging. Take away even the indoor activities away from the house and I think it would have been incredibly difficult to manage (and I didn’t have the added stress of an employer who was always in the house keeping an eye on how things were going).

[Anonymous]

How experienced is she? I'm a home daycare provider and I can manage 5 kids between the ages of 12 months - 4 years smoothly with most very happy the majority of the day...but it took a few years to get to this point. Routines, Play area set ups, activities and outdoor time & her level of engagement are important.

[Anonymous]

I’m a big believer that naps are sacrosanct and when my kids were little, I arranged their schedules around naps. I did get a babysitter a couple times a week to help.

In your shoes, I might try to arrange my work schedule so that either me or my husband might be able to “watch” the baby while she took her morning nap. That way the nanny might be able to get the older kid out some in the morning.

Good luck! It’s not easy in the best of times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a big believer that naps are sacrosanct and when my kids were little, I arranged their schedules around naps. I did get a babysitter a couple times a week to help.

In your shoes, I might try to arrange my work schedule so that either me or my husband might be able to “watch” the baby while she took her morning nap. That way the nanny might be able to get the older kid out some in the morning.

Good luck! It’s not easy in the best of times.

This is an amazing idea!

[Anonymous]

Do you have enough things to entertain them too? Water table? Baby pool? Sprinkler? Bounce house ... I mean she’s stuck at home all day with a baby and a toddler

[Anonymous]

Yes, absolutely.

However, 3 year olds do tantrum — that’s part of being 3. Make sure you don’t have unrealistic expectations regarding quiet at home. If it’s more than that, then reconsider your nanny.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. Most career nannies can handle both these ages BUT starting out with a 3yo is tough in general. They are programmed at that age to push boundaries. So being a new caregiver at that age you get a TON of pushback from them on everything because they don’t know what your boundaries are yet so they just fight you on wverything, all day, on principle. Combine that with the fact that sibling rivalry usually ramps up when the younger kid is age 1 because they are big enough to compete for the same types of toys and attention and the fact that we are in a global pandemic...I wouldn’t automatically assume nanny is doing a bad job.


Now you do probably need to have a conversation. 3yos thrive on clear expectations and schedules and your kiddo has lost their normal routine being at school with teachers and friends, so I would sit down with nanny (have DH take the kids on a walk or something) and talk through setting up a clear schedule that includes an outing every day and work on setting some clear house rules and matching consequences so that the 3yo is getting consistent messages across all caregivers.

When I have had kids these ages, there are really two options:

1) Pick one nap for the baby to happen in a car or stroller
If the 1yo is good at falling asleep in the stroller then choose whichever nap is shorter (usually the am nap but not always) and have that one happen on a long walk to a park or something nearby. That gets everybody out of the house and they can walk back in time for the PM nap to happen in bed so the baby gets one long, restful, uninterrupted nap each day.

2) Decide naps are sacrosanct and parents arrange for older kid to go for a short walk or outing before morning nap. If you want both naps at home, in bed then you need to build into your routine getting the older kid out of the house for at least half an hour in the morning. Otherwise your 3yo will be wound up and antsy all morning and it will be even harder for nanny to get everybody out the door between naps.

So e.g. If nanny works 8:30-5:30 and your kids get up at 7:30 and the baby goes back down for morning nap at 9:00...

7:30-8, get both kids up and dressed. 8-8:30, take a walk around the block with a bottle for the baby and a snack for the 3yo. 8:30 nanny feeds them breakfast for real and puts the baby down for a nap.

9-10 nanny and big kid do an art project or board game or play with choking hazards, the nanny also packs diaper bag with snacks, water, sunscreen etc. and preps lunch for when they get back.

10: the baby wakes up and gets a clean diaper and they head out immediately for an outing

12:30: get back from outing and have lunch then put the baby down for nap at 1

1-3 nanny and 3yo again play something that is hard to do with the baby. Ask nanny what they need. If you have a porch/yard then invest in a water table or wading pool so they can play outside for an hour. Also let your 3yo watch an episode (or two if she helps prep dinner) of tv during this time if he isn’t good at independent play so that the nanny gets a true break for a bit at least.

3–the baby wakes up and they have a snack then all play together a while

4:30 go for another short walk or play in the yard if you have one. When they get back have nanny do baths early so 3yo is able to play after dinner with mom and dad when there are more adults and the kids don’t have to share attention.

After bath they play with toys until you come out and take over.

[Anonymous]

Agree that if you are home, nanny should be able to take 3 year old outside of house and you text when baby is up.