Help- recommendations for routines for new SAHM of older kids
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Anonymous
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I was recently laid off and expect my job search to take 6-12 months (very niche/ decimated industry). I am fortunate that I have a severance package that I can use to cover the gap. I am going back to school to complete some certifications/ retool for my next phase of my career. And I anticipate I might be home schooling along with everyone else next year. Even if we stick with DL I will need to supplement heavily.
I am embarrassed to admit I am stumped at building a routine for my 10 and 13yo kids now that we are all home for the summer without any camps or other structure. Both kids have special needs (ADHD/ Anxiety/ Dyslexia/Dysgraphia) so just winging it won’t work. I am prepared to support their learning needs with a little routine practice daily. And we have agreed on some bigger project goals (learning to cook Indian food/ learning to bake cookies). And I have a goal to get them more involved in more complicated chores - we’ve started with laundry- to prepare them for college. I am just trying to figure out what it looks like on a daily/ weekly basis. So I’ve googled and gone down all sorts of overwhelming rabbit holes of mom blogs which have loads of printables and stuff that are just too much for us. Many of those kids are younger so the moms are imposing the order. I would like to get my kids more involved with determining when they do their responsibilities within reasonable timeframes. I am trying to avoid over-engineering this since I know it will need to change. But my perfectionist, Pinterest-loving, procrastinating self is stuck. Does anyone have any book or blog recommendations or even easy tips? |
Anonymous
| I keep it simple - blocks of time for outdoors, academics, art/hobbies, free time, chores, screen time. They have choices of what they do in these blocks, as long as it fits the categories, progress is being made on summer assignments, and chores are done. |
Anonymous
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I agree that choice with structure is the way to go.
8-9:30 - breakfast and craft time / STEM / LEGO project whatever they are into 9:30 - 11:30 outside time 11:30 - 12:30 lunch and reading (audio books ok) 12:30 - 1:30 academic time And chores 1:30 - 3:30 screens / games / videos 3:30 - 5:30 outside time Your provide a menu of options at first but eventually they don’t need it Craft time is painting rocks sets, LEGO, STEM projects, cardboard towers, noodle building competitions Outside can mean bikes, sprinklers (older kids still love them), walks, soccer, basketball, Academics means khan or books or a personal interest project |
Anonymous
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My kids have a checklist that they have to complete before they are allowed to watch any screens that day. I would put your learning goals on there. Mine have:
-math -writing -music practice -reading We also have a chore time at 4pm every day. And at that time we do one chore: Monday-bathrooms Tuesday- bedrooms Wednesday-living room Thursday- basement Friday-organize (The kitchen needs cleaned every day). As far as bigger things, I would just have a family meeting and make a list of everything your family wants to make sure to do this summer, then post the list in the fridge and cross things off as you do them. |
Anonymous
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Your kids are old enough that you might actually start by having a family meeting and soliciting their input.
What's important to them to get to do in the day/week? When do they like to do things? What do they think? I'd avoid making promises in the room, but I think soliciting their input could really help you unstick, and you're still the parent, the final decision on their schedules lays with you. But if a kid says "I wish I could have my hour of screen time in the morning because that's when my friend Larlo plays so we can play Minecraft together" or "I hate going right from lunch to chores" or "what if we tried to take a family bike ride every day" or something, that could be really, really. helpful, and make enforcement of the less pleasant parts of the schedule (ie, laundry) a bit easier. YMMV depending on your kids, but they seem like their at a good age for it. |
Anonymous
Np This schedule sounds like you and the kids are in prison. Yikes! Glad I am not part of your family. So regimented and lack of imagination. |
Anonymous
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OP here- I appreciate the recommendations- please keep them coming!
Family meetings are hard for a variety of reasons, but I can do one on one conversations to inform the plan. So far I’ve added berry picking and to go ice cream to the fun requests. I have a Circle so I can pause the internet when needed to support routines. |
Anonymous
If I was 13 and my parents did that to me I’d run away. Actually I’d run away from most parents on this forum. |
Anonymous
I’m not the pp, but you are a little ridiculous. Kids have breakfast, hang out inside for a little bit, then mom takes them outside to hike or ride bikes. Home for lunch, then do academic stuff and watch tv during the hottest part of the day. When it starts to cool down, kids go outside until dad gets home. |
Anonymous
You guys are ridiculous. There’s nothing wrong with this schedule. Op, I too have kids with SN. Don’t expect your kids to immediately adapt to any schedule. They will probably need to have routines built on over time. If there’s adhd, you may need shorter blocks of activities. |
Anonymous
| One suggestion: build in plan B activities for days when it's just too hot/rainy/too whatever. You need a backup plan for days when activities outside aren't possible. |
Anonymous
OP here- yes any schedule takes time and scaffolding. We generally have an “order of activities” where the target completion time shifts. So breakfast/ dress/ brush teeth has to be done by 7:30 on school days, but 10 in the summer. Once we get those routines in place they are difficult to shift, so that is why I want to be thoughtful about what I work to get in place. I personally can’t manage precise time targets because I will get really involved in a project so transitions are hard for all of us. My 13yo has been enjoying writing out her own time plan for schoolwork but without external due dates, the time slips away. And I know laundry isn’t fun for anyone. |
Anonymous
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I am the author of the “prison like unfun schedule” By no means do I implement it in a way that if kid is still enjoying a craft project or book they have to stop because the timer rang. Similarly, if they did something and it ended sooner than anticipated, like we went on a family bike ride and came home, had water and down time, they could not start on the next thing because it was not time. But, I have found over time that if it simply do something and then move on when done, that is too relaxed and projects take three min and then we rush through math but someone we have time for videos.
It also is not so important to adhere to the schedule that if something came up, like a cool day trip, it is pouring and we are tired so we want to curl up on the couch and watch a movie fest, or friends invite us for a socially distanced hang out, we can do that. But, having multiple hours of outside time and limits to screens / videos makes our lives feel better. |
Anonymous
| Also if kids went to camp, that is exactly how they would run things. They would have buckets of activities during specific times. No one calls camps “prison like schedules” but they run with times and changes in activities. A 13 year old is not a 17 year old. Structure, predictability, and Routine is helpful for 10 and 13 year olds. |