Doing this till September isnt sustainable for me...now what?

[Anonymous]

I have 3 kids. 9 yr old, 4 yr old with autism, and a 17 month old. Orginally in March when daycare, school, and therapy closed I tried to work from home best I could. By mid April I asked to go part time and am not working 16 hours or two 8 hour days. DH just started going back into the office last Thursday, my company is optional but since my daycare isnt opening and no camps I will continue working from home. I need to find time to a.) Work b.) Work one on one with my special needs son about 6
6 ours a week to keep him on his therapy track. c.) Keep myself mentally sain, dying for some alone time. Is it socially ok to hire a nanny? A college student for 20 hours a week? I am now at the point that my mental health is comprised beyond the risk of covid but I also dont want to make a huge social mistake. Should I offer some sort of covid hazard pay? Like i said my dh is going back to the office so we arent social distancing much anymore. My kids are playing with neighborhood kids and my middle dc will go to outpatient therapy 3 times a week starting June 22. Anyone else truly done...like not just complaining...but seriously cannot physically and career wise do this any longer or else their will be drastic consequences.

[Anonymous]

Mental health is just as important as physical health. Hire a nanny, just be upfront with how much you are/aren’t socially distancing so the nanny can make an informed decision.

[Anonymous]

PLEASE hire help. One person coming into your home is a fairly low risk proposition. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

[Anonymous]

Yup, hire help. We hit our breaking point in May. My mom has started helping with the kids (we are being careful, so this felt safe) a few mornings a week. It's made a HUGE difference. If she hadn't have been available, I would have started with a local teenager for a few hours at a time and after that would have moved to a more professional nanny.

If schools don't go back full time in the fall, I will probably be looking at hiring someone and maybe distancing a bit more from my mom again.

I did tell my DH that his line to his work needs to remain: if schools/camps etc are not open, he is NOT returning to the office. If it's not safe for them, it is not safe for him/us. And, he needs to help shoulder the child care burden. The more people who tell their employers this, the more flexible they are all forced to be. I bring it up in every "check in" phone call with my boss. He is over all wonderful and has been incredibly understanding, but I need him to keep this in mind during every "upper management" call about bringing people back. If schools are not open, those of us with kids WILL NOT be there.

[Anonymous]

We hired help. 15 hours/week.

Three kids, DH and I both working from home. If DH were going in the office, I'd hire help for at least 25 hours week.

[Anonymous]

NP in a similar situation. Where are you looking for help?

[Anonymous]

Definitely get help! I'm sure there are plenty of college kids looking for work. With many camps shut down, an out of work counselor could be ideal. I hired my first graders teacher!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PLEASE hire help. One person coming into your home is a fairly low risk proposition. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

+1

I would focus on hiring specialized help with the SN son myself, but do whatever works. Infection rates aren’t as high as before so this is much less risky than it was even a month ago.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. The secret no one is telling you is that lost young families have now gotten help. Parents, neighbors with whom they have bubbles, hired help. I know of only one family without help and they have only one kid who takes long naps and the mom has a super flex job, and that DH has clinical anxiety and refuses to hire someone.

[Anonymous]

We hired our college student last week. Obviously a different dynamic because she lives with us, but the point is that the help is life changing. In addition, my kid's ABA therapist has continued to come throughout the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

If you’re in VA, I’d look for a different day care. Many are open and have been all along. You might have to go a little further out to find one that can accept both your 4 year old and 17 month old, but they’re out there. And the big centers might even be able to take your 9 year old in a school age program, although he/she might be about the oldest.

Barring that, post on NextDoor or your local FB groups for a daytime sitter. Lots of HS and college kids don’t have their usual lifeguard or camp jobs to go to. It sucks but you can do it. You don’t have to do it alone. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. The secret no one is telling you is that lost young families have now gotten help. Parents, neighbors with whom they have bubbles, hired help. I know of only one family without help and they have only one kid who takes long naps and the mom has a super flex job, and that DH has clinical anxiety and refuses to hire someone.

We don’t have help and I feel like a sucker.

[Anonymous]

we don't have help either - both DH and I working from home, 9 year old and 3 year old.

[Anonymous]

Get a sitter for 9 year old and a friend or 2 so they can do outdoor activities.

[Anonymous]

Op, the only folks I know who have young kids (5 and under) and no help have one parent who is not “working” I.e., their employer is fine with them doing minimal work while they stay at home. Everyone else with two FT working parents who actually need to perform has brought in grandparents/family, hired a babysitter/nanny, or put their kids in a daycare for essential workers.

My employer was understanding for about 2 weeks only because they knew I was looking for a nanny. Otherwise they would have asked me to use leave and then FMLA. DH works long hours and his worked has only gotten busier. His employer was not flexible at all.

You are amazing for having done so much for so long. You should hire some help.