Argumentative, contradictory mother?

[Anonymous]

I feel like I don’t know how to properly communicate with her anymore. It’s not Alzheimer’s or dementia or any other underlying condition, she’s always been like this. She knows best about everything, yet rarely heeds her own advice. Examples of late:

Will preach about how we can’t visit my immune-compromised dad, because it’s too risky. But will admit that he visited the grocery store with her, but wore a mask and gloves. When asked why we couldn’t social distance outside in gloves and mask? It’s too risky. But he needed to go to the store?

I recently purchased a new car. My mom asked what brand of tires it came with. When I said Well-Known Brand, she replied that she had never heard of it and would demand Goodyear. But neither of their vehicles drives on Goodyear tires.

It’s like any topic, she knows best, but more often than not, her opinion isn’t applicable in her own life. I’ve been trying my best to ignore it for years, to just vent to DH, but enough is enough. Is there a clever comeback? I’m so done.

[Anonymous]

"Why are you so high-handed, Mom? You make dictatorial pronouncements that are quite unpleasant to hear. There's no leeway for discussion or negotiation. It doesn't really make us wish for more interaction."

And then don't call her for a while.

[Anonymous]

I think the key here is to give as few details as possible, so she has less to pick on. And in terms of her giving you contradictory info, just roll your eyes internally and laugh it off. Moms are nutty. Some day your kids will be thinking YOU'RE nutty.

[Anonymous]

Op, how would you handle this if it were a friend? You'd say, "look you make me not want to tell you anything if you criticize me every time we talk." You'd say something like that. Or you'd say, "that comment was pretty hurtful". You'd disengage when conversations took a bad turn. You'd have less contact.

Re: your Dad, do you talk to him directly? Do you ask him, an only him, what he would like re: a visit? Arrange it with him. He and your Mother are two separate people.

[Anonymous]

tell her you don't need her approval. when she asks you a question that she'll then give you an assessment on - don't answer or say "why, so you can disapprove?"

you be challenging back FFS. stand up for yourself, find a fricking back bone

and / or tell her to back off

[Anonymous]

Don’t argue, don’t challenge, don’t try to justify yourself, don’t give details.
Just nod your head, mumble something noncommittal and move on. BTDT. It gets worse with age.