what's wrong with my 4 yr. old boy..or is this normal
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Anonymous
| So my four year old boy is otherwise very joyful, funny, spirited child. However, sometimes he will go into a rage... over what i would call nothing. For example, he had a water gun fight with my husband and when my husband moved away as my son was shooting the gun, he flew into a rage. Does he not know how illogical this is? Also, there are random (though rare) times he would throw something at dd, and show no remorse! How do I start practicing some discipline with him without time outs every ten seconds? We've read time outs are not helpful..but then..what is left? I don't want him to grow up a spoiled brat.. thank you for any suggestions!! |
Anonymous
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Give him time. If he still has trouble adjusting to the unexpected next year, have him evaluated.
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Anonymous
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Why was he mad that your husband moved away? Could he explain? Did he just want to get his dad all wet and was upset his plan didn’t work? It doesn’t seem concerning to me, but one of my three boys is intense (NT).
Throwing things and no remorse seems totally normal at that age. |
Anonymous
| I think you need to help him learn how to communicate and express himself when he feels angry, upset, frustrated etc. using his words. |
Anonymous
I have to disagree with your last statement, particularly because it was one of the red flags for a relative's diagnosis. OP's gut is telling her something is up, and she should follow up on that instinct. |
Anonymous
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Four year olds are not known for handling frustration with a lot of grace. Try to talk him through it when he has a meltdown because he's disappointed that he didn't get to soak Dad. "You really wanted to soak Dad and he moved at that last second, that was super disappointing, next time you will get him, sometimes life can be unfair but there's always a next time..."
You really cannot expect "logic" from a four year old, or even a five or six year old. They are the center of their own world. They do not have a lot of impulse control and these little things are tragic to them. What is it that you think they would get upset about? Work? Climate change? OP, perhaps time to read about child development. I recommend "Your Four Year Old, Wild and Wonderful" by Louise Bates Ames. All of the books in her developmental series are great. https://www.amazon.com/s?k=your+four+year+old+wild+and+wonderful&crid=2CBPFQQRFCKGW&sprefix=Your+Four+%2Caps%2C141&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_3_10 |
Anonymous
| 4 is very young —their brains are developing rapidly while their body is growing and sometimes parts of their brains develop faster than others. Many 4 year olds get irrationally angry or frustrated at smaller things. But it’s big to them. You need to acknowledge their feelings even if they seem silly to you. If they are hurting someone or deliberately disobeying a rule you have then consequences are appropriate. Try to think of natural consequences first—you throw a toy, toy gets put into time out. If you squirt someone in the face with the water gun, take a break from the water gun. If you make a mess, you clean it up. If you break something on purpose, you “work” to pay it back. Sometimes a natural consequence isn’t easy to find, in that case a short time out or removal of a screen can be used to drive home that you mean business. But have clear expectations ahead of time, make sure you give warnings when it’s almost time to transition to another activity, and have realistic expectations for a 4 year old. |
Anonymous
| OP, sounds pretty normal, they don't call it the "fierce fours" for nothing! My youngest was similar at 4, he chilled out a lot at five. |
Anonymous
| This is the prime age for lacking emotional control. From what you are saying, I do not see anything out of the ordinary. If you feel uneasy, contact your pediatrician and ask for advice. This way you will have a peace of mind. |
Anonymous
| He's 4. Sounds normal. He's still working on big problems vs. little problems and how to address them differently. |
Anonymous
| Sounds normal, OP. For one of our kids, time outs do work. In combination with the time outs, we teach him appropriate ways to express frustration and anger. |
Anonymous
lol. No, he does not. My son had a brief phase like this around 4. I did natural consequences and redirection. If he threw a fit the game was over. Throws something at his sister? She gets to play, he goes inside |
Anonymous
I was very clear with both of my children from early on that hitting or throwing things at each other is not ok. DS is 3.5 and I don't think that it's intrinsic remorse at this point, but he knows well that he is in trouble when something like this happens. Frequently, he would say sorry and give his sister kisses before I intervene if he happens to hit her or push her out of frustration. IMHO, it's not to early to start with disciplining bad behavior. We do time outs. (I know, I know. Many of you do not approve. I am not advocating that this is what OP should do, I am barely sharing what we do and what seems to work for us). |
Anonymous
| We aren't supposed to do time out? What is the "right" discipline technique when a 3-4 yr old does something naughty then? News to me...but I'd love some ideas. |
Anonymous
PP here. I have read numerous threads here where people talk about the ineffectiveness of timeouts. Like I said, they work for us. I know it's not a natural consequence (maybe time-in would be?)... I am sure people will advocate for trying to understand why a child hits/pushes (a la Janet Lansbury). And although I find some of her writing helpful, I don't think she gives any practical suggestions to day-to-day situations (other than validating the feelings, etc.) |